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Nazzo Sexy

Entertainment, Men & Women

Whenever journalists run out of material to write about, or want to give their mouths a rest from kissing Socialist politicians’ asses, they compile lists.  Here’s one featuring the “Sexiest Movies“, for example.

Now as any fule kno, “sexy” is as much in the eye of the beholder [sic]  as “taste” is when comparing, say, wines.  What causes paroxysms of delight in one may cause another to gag — such as a sweet dessert wine, a dry red wine, or seeing Rosie O’Donnell in leather.

My apologies… give me a moment, here:

Anyway, I think I’ve made my point.  Here are the movies adjudged “most sexy” by whatever people answered the survey:

I must admit I haven’t seen all of them, but let me state that homo / lesbo movie sex scenes do nothing for me — they turn me on about as much as watching animals mate on NatGeo TV shows  — which eliminate some from the list altogether.

I am likewise uninterested in movies whose aim is to seduce an underage virgin girl (or boy), which takes care of Cruel Intentions, American Beauty  and Notes On A Scandal, none of which are sexy other than for prurient interest.  (Also Lolita:  the movies and the novel.)

I think we need to define what constitutes a sexy movie:  one raunchy scene (e.g. Basic Instinct ), a whole bunch of nudity with some sex (Eyes Wide Shut ) or explicit sex scenes.

Let me clear the latter out of the way first:  9 Songs, Gaspar Noël’s Love  and Catherine Breillat’s Romance  and Anatomy of Hell  (French:   Anatomie de l’enfer ) are pretty much just bonkfests all the way through.  (The last three are also, whether by design or by mistake, among the most depressing movies ever made, and 9 Songs isn’t far behind.  You have been warned.)  Shows that have sex as the central theme are seldom sexy, which is why 50 Shades  and Secretary, for example, are terribly unsexy.  (I thought Secretary  was funny, which just shows my taste.)  If you’re going to watch a movie just for sex, rent Oui Girls,  Up ‘N Coming or The Young Like It Hot  and have done with it.

As for the rest:  the Jack Nicholson version of The Postman Always Rings Twice  is sexier than any of the movies on the list, as is Dennis Quaid’s The Big Easy  (Ellen Barkin:  “I haven’t ever had any luck when it comes to sex.”  Dennis Quaid:  “Well, chère, your luck’s about to change.”)

I haven’t seen Woody Allen’s Vicky Cristina Barcelona  because I’m not a huge fan of his movies, but I’ve been told that it’s brilliant — unlike all his other stuff except Midnight In Paris, which is — so I’ve put it on The List.

So there you have it:  twelve of the thirteen “sexiest” movies fail the Kim Test for sexy.  Whether that says more about me than it does the respondents, I’ll leave up to you.

Familiar Road

Politics

We’ve seen all this before, yea even upon this very website.  From Insty’s link comes this silliness:

Leaving aside the self-contradiction — if Socialists are all about wealth redistribution, they should have no problem with richer states supporting the poorer states, yes? — any partition of North America is more likely to look like this:

And I’ve taken the liberty of renaming the respective nation-states;  denizens of the PSSA will be called “Pissahs” (New England pronunciation) while the Constitutional Republic’s citizens will be known as “Crappies” (after the fish).

I jest, but only a little.  Some comments:

Note that in my map — which is a lot more realistic than the first one — Pennsylvania, Illinois and indeed California / Oregon / Washington will likely divide themselves up, leaving Philadelphia, Chicago and the West Coast respectively to remain the bastions of socialism they’ve become (Austin remains a blueberry in the Texan bowl of tomato soup, and Denver / Boulder would retain their joint title of “Rocky Mountain LA”).  Northern Virginia, like Chicago, can be excised from the rest of its mostly-conservative state.

As for New Mexico:  several people have told me that the “Africa of America” (cf. Doc Russia) is really more conservative than presidential elections would suggest.  I disagree.  Too much of the state is either sucking on the government’s tit (Indians) or wants to (i.e. most of its Mexican immigrants), or else they don’t give a fuck because they’re always high on peyote, so into the PSSA they go.

Finally:  I am assured by almost all my Canucki Readers that non-Vancouver B.C., Alberta, Saskatchewan and that other prairie state (Manitoba?) would really prefer to be part of the Constitutional Republic as drawn.  As our Socialists / Greens hate oil so much, this would relieve them of the oil sands and fracking fields contained in those erstwhile provinces, not to mention all those icky gun-loving knickledraggers who are more like Middle Americans (whom the Left likewise despise).  Me, I say “Welcome aboard!”  I would most certainly not extend that welcome to people from Ontario (unless they split themselves away from Toronto), and as for the Frog Quebeckers, fuck ’em and their strange un-American language.  I don’t care aboot the hundred or so people who live in Nova Scotia;  they can decide for themselves.

Feel free to disagree with my hypothesis in Comments.

3 Inexplicable Things About Brexit

3 Inexplicable Things, Mocking Furriners

The latest in this series:

  • Why it’s taken so long for the Brits to tell Germans, Frogs and other assorted Dago countries just to fuck off.
  • Why, after Brexit, the Brits will continue to use the European-spawned metric system instead of the fine Imperial one they themselves created.
  • Why there’s such a to-do about fishing territories.  Considering that the entire EU has a navy of a size comparable to Rhode Island’s, and even though the Royal Navy certainly isn’t what it used to be, I would have thought that the British negotiating position re: fishing would be:  “If you chaps fish where we don’t want you to fish, we’ll blow your ships out of the water.”

Feel free to express your own areas of puzzlement about Brexit in Comments.

Dept. Of Righteous Shootings

Righteous Shootings

So you and three of your compadres / homeboys / members of the choir decide to get together for a little undocumented property redistribution.  What happens next?

Hey, it’s Louisiana, baby:

A homeowner in Lacombe, Louisiana, shot and killed two alleged intruders Tuesday morning and sent two others to the hospital with gunshot wounds.

While some may think that a 50% kill rate is a little low, I think that putting all four down — especially during what seems to have been a gun battle — is quite laudable.  Note that the two who didn’t snuff it will now face the death penalty anyway, so there’s that.

Damn… this ammo shortage may force me to use my new Savage .22 rifle to celebrate the Happy Dance, instead of the customary AK-47.

These are tough times we live in.  A little less tough than if we were burglars in Lacombe LA, though.

Still More Eco-Loony Bullshit

Eco-Crap

Are the Brits going stark, raving mad?  This would certainly seem to indicate so:

A dramatic report from the government’s Climate Change Committee laid out a swathe of measures to slash emissions over the next 15 years.
It urged moves including halting sales of gas boilers by 2033, banning new fossil-fuelled cars – including hybrids – by 2032, and encouraging people to cut the amount of meat and dairy they eat by a fifth in the next decade.

None of this is going to happen, of course.  They might as well try to end murder by making it illegal… oh, wait.

Basically, all this amounts to a government increasing its hold over the population by ratcheting the screws ever tighter.

Of course, there is a way to fix this tyranny:

…but no doubt someone is going to have a problem with my suggestion.