Category: Marketing / Advertising

Requiem

Corporate Fuckery, Grooming, Marketing / Advertising

Well, it finally happened.  After just under six decades of faithful service, I finally used the very last one of these:

Now, for New or else Forgetful Readers [Alzheimer’s joke deleted], I discussed this problem in some, possibly lamentable detail back here, so I’m not going to rehash the whole sorry tale of Procter & Gamble’s corporate fuckwittery all over again.

Nope.  I have swallowed all that rage, and decided to Move On.

So I tried this variant of NEW Old Spice, because at first sniff, it actually wasn’t that bad — almost (but not quite) as good as the original:

I used it for a few days, but then discovered that while its fragrance isn’t bad, the texture of the deodorant — a sort of stiff paste — is awful.  In fact, after a day of wearing the stuff, the next morning’s shower just about requires the use of a Brillo pad to remove the stuff from the old pits, in that it hardens like some kind of ghastly semi-concrete.  It’s not a chemical anti-perspirant (which I never use), but I have to feel that the sticky residue performs exactly the same function, simply by clogging up your pores.  Sorry, but that just can’t be healthy.

So into the trash it went, leaving me with the same task of finding a decent replacement for my Old Spice Classic Fresh.  (Did I mention already how long I’ve been using said deodorant?  I did?  Yeah, sixty-odd years, without a break, just in case you missed it.)

It seems that most modern deodorants are aimed at girlymen or the LGBTOSTFU Set [some overlap], both in terms of their marketing and their perfume.  Needless to say, I am not one of these people.

Thus it was that in my hour of desperation, I happened upon an oldie:

Good grief:  do they even still make this stuff?  I remember my Dad using the aftershave lotion manifestation, and I was astonished to find the brand was still around.  And it doesn’t smell bad, either.  When polled, New Wife found it not objectionable, which is factor #2 in its acceptance.  Finally, it’s of the same consistency as the traditional roll-on (like Classic Fresh) and doesn’t require a Dremel tool for its removal in the shower.

Clearly, someone at whoever makes English Leather has not made the P&G mistake, and realized that brand loyalty — long-term brand loyalty — should not just be summarily discarded in favor of some New Thing, and kept it going.  I hope.

Of course when it comes to business like this, there’s always going to be a fly in the ointment, and therefore it should come as no surprise that the English Leather roll-on deodorant costs nearly three times as much as my Old Faithful.  Which I’m just going to have to endure, maybe at the expense of cutting out one range trip a month so as to afford the damn stuff.  (I should at this point acknowledge that had the price of Classic Fresh gone up by a similar amount, I would probably have paid the premium — grudgingly, but nevertheless — and continued to use it.  So suck on that factoid, you P&G shitforbrains.)

All these ripples came about because some cocksucker [sic]  in Marketing / Accounting / Advertising at Procter & Gamble made a decision to end a product that has had a loyal following for many decades, no doubt simply so they can free up the production line for the latest in gayboy scents which will in all likelihood have few long-term customers because that type always goes after the New Thing, and stupid companies like Procter & Fucking Gamble are doomed to follow these tits around in the vain hope that one day these new customers might actually stick with one product variant — kind of like the customers for the Classic Fresh used to do for decades at a time.

I hope that the Old Spice division at P&G goes out of business soon.  That, or whoever signed off on the discontinuation of Classic Fresh dies of an unspeakably painful disease, along with his/her entire family.

When The Market Bites Back

Corporate Fuckery, Management, Marketing / Advertising

Probably one of the first golden rules of business is “Never anger your existing customers, and never ignore those customers in chasing after new customers”.

I seem to bang on about this endlessly, but I’m always reminded of just how stupid management can be in ignoring that rule.

Now add on an unbelievably-stupid rationale for changing a company’s product line, and…

Wait.

There’s a much better way to look at this foolishness.

First, I invite you to watch Richard Hammond talking about some new Porsche he test drives at the old Top Gear track.  Because if you watch his glee and excitement, then this little video about Porsche’s idiocy becomes all the more understandable.  (Note especially the effect of Porsche’s marketing decisions on their share price and earnings.)

Nice one, dickheads.

From Comfortable Heritage To Modern Banal

Corporate Wokism, Marketing / Advertising

We’ve all seen how modernist logo design has turned the proud familiar into simplistic trash:

…and of the recent Cracker Barrel rebrand we will not speak, as they’ve been forced into a U-turn.

Now if one thinks of modernistic Philistines and Wokery Gone Mad in the civic sense, it’s hard to imagine a better example than that “blueberry in a bowl of tomato soup”, Austin TX.  Who have “progressed” from a traditional city seal to… well, a 1970s-era representation of a homeless person’s tent shelter:

Bloody hell.  It’s an encapsulation of everything that’s wrong with the Left:  ahistorical, simplistic and ugly.

U-Turn

Corporate Fuckery, Marketing / Advertising

…as Cracker Barrel turns away from the Bud Light precipice:

Cracker Barrel will bring back its old logo after days of ruthless criticism and a plummeting stock price following its botched rebranding.

The company’s board, led by CEO Julie Felss Masino, ignored warning signs and criticism for months ahead of the announcement last week that the restaurant chain would ditch its old logo and give its stores a modern look. The company appears to have walked back part of that decision on Tuesday.

Which part, I wonder?  One commenter shared my doubts:

If they don’t change their support for all the weird sexual politics and attendant shenanigans, none of that matters. In fact, focusing on the logo, etc., just drives publicity and brand awareness up for them. Lose the CB-sponsored drag queens and maybe I’ll care about the decor.

As with the Bud Light “fegeleh” and New Coke episodes, companies seem to forget that if your ethos is traditionalist, you mess with your brand positioning at your peril, and chasing new customers is a fool’s game if you alienate your existing base.

I haven’t eaten by myself at Cracker Barrel for years because their prices have become just outrageous — but when I get an overseas visitor to entertain, it’s a must-see experience (along with Buc-ees and rodeo).

Even The Donald weighed in, telling Cracker Barrel not to be idiots and go back to what has, after all, been their basic positioning since forever.

Kudos to them for acknowledging their mistake.

Unlike Jaguar.  [#Morons]

Interesting Concept

Gratuitous Gun Pics, Marketing / Advertising

From PSA:

Why is this interesting?  Well, I like the idea of an easy-switch barrel combo rather than having to hump two .22 rifles around (as I do) in order to get the maximum fun out of the cheap .22 LR and the added power of the .22 WMR.  (Plus there’s that space issue in Ye Olde Gunne Sayfe…)

That straight-pull bolt is an excellent idea.  (The B1 was originally marketed as a Hammerli-designed action, hubba hubba.)

But there’s a snag.  You see, Walther has made this rifle accept Ruger 10/22 magazines — excellent — and they supply three magazines with the rifle — even better.  BUT:  the ratio of magazines is:  two .22 LR mags, and only one .22 WMR mag.

And that’s the problem.  Ruger .22 LR (BX-1) mags are so plentiful that people hand them out to kiddies as Halloween favors or Xmas stocking stuffers.  Ruger .22 WMR mags… errr not so much;  you have to get them online rather than in brick-n-mortar stores.

Far better, in my opinion, to supply two magnum mags and one LR mag.  Or just up the price of the rig by $10 and offer two of each.

OR — gasp! — include two BX-10 .22 LR mags, and one of the BX-15 .22 WMR mags (15 rounds, oh my).  There’s almost no difference in price between the 10- and 15-round mags.

There ya go, Walther:  free marketing advice from a would-be customer (blocked only by poverty from being an actual customer).  Have at it.

Tell me that’s not a toothsome prospect, I dare ya.  (Maybe if I looked under the sofa cushions…)

Better yet, mounted on a nice laminate stock.  Nah, that’s asking too much.

Okay, here’s an offer to any of my Loyal Readers:  buy me one of these Walthers, and I’ll send you both my .22 rifles (the SQ LR and the SSV WMR) in exchange, including scopes and bipods.