Category: Bad News

…and on we go with Pre-Christmas News:

...we’re never going to get rid of this asshole organization unless we go all Timmy McVeigh on them.  Thank you, Harry Truman.

...yeah, I remember back in the day that when (White) people said that about your lot, it was a Bad Thing.

...I don’t know who to shoot first:  the council, or the neighbor who bought a house next door to a chicken farm.

…

In Media News:

…

Great Moments In Marketing:

...kills cancer, makes you horny;  sounds perfect.  Now about that name… someone call Adrian Wappkaplett.

From the Great Cultural Assimilation Project:

...let’s hear it for liberal immigration policies.

…

And speaking of undocumented immigrants:

...hell, maybe they just looked like aliens:

And in Presidential Idiocy News:

...considering that the shooter was 67 years old, I’m surprised he’s not pushing a “No One Under 70” gun ban.  And:

...I know it may be a stupid question at this point, but can anyone point me to the part in the Constitution where it says the president can do this?

And now, some serious INSIGNIFICA:

...I always thought she was the prettiest of the 60s crowd:

 

And from my private “Roll In The Hay” collection:

And on that agricultural note, it’s time to sign off.  Wait, there’s one more thing:

Read more

And what better target for your new Remington than:

...do I hear an “Amen”?

Still on the Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© front:

...wait, what?  You mean we’ve been lied to all this time?

And in the Great Cultural Assimilation News:

...after all, it’s an acceptable dating tactic back home.

...”Lemme at that infidel poontang!”

In Glueball Jihate News:

...one hopes that this activity catches on and becomes a worldwide trend.

...using gravity and natural resources to solve a problem;  what’s not to like?

In Travel News:

...considering that I wouldn’t live in any of them for free, this is no big deal.

...but over half of all Frenchmen just shrugged when Putin invaded Ukraine.  That karma thing again...

...but as I recall, the guy who originated the crown thing didn’t get paid millions for his gig.

In INSIGNIFICA:

. ...Captain Obvious strikes again!

...yeah, whatever.  Here’s a retrospective of Miss Crazier-Than-A-Sackful-Of-Angry-Cats:

And my favorite pic of her, for all sorts of reasons:

And that’s the news, gawd help us.

Let’s dive right in.

...only one?

...do they mean meat like this? 
...short answer:  no.  Longer answer:  fuck off and die.  And speaking of nanny busybodies:

...go fuck yourselves, you foul fascists.

...you helped create this movement;  you deal with it, asshole.

From the Dept. of Health:

...keyword:  Brazil.

...note the plural “hospitals“.

...coming from the same crowd who said that unless everybody donned these face condoms, everyone was gonna die.

From the Great Cultural Assimilation Project:

...should be 700,000 but we’ll take what we can get.

And in related news:

...lemme see here:  percentage of NYC seniors who vote Democrat:  100%. 
Ergo:

And speaking of seniors:

...well, that’s one way of putting it.  (No link because paywall)

...all part of the “boys will be boys” policy in… wait, Memphis?

...which just shows that we need commonsense lawnmower control, and that avocados are not that healthy.  Also, keyword:  Australia (?).

Some Animal News:

...keyword:  yup, Australia.

And the most INSIGNIFICA ever:

  

...okay, that’s what I want at my funeral.

Finally, in ShowBiz News:

...yeah, whatever.  Let’s just look at her legs awhile:

Enough?  No?  Okay, then:

I’ll stop here, or else we could be doing this all day.

(the first of our Christmas ads for the season)

And off we go.

...sounds about right.  The pity is that the kid will get charged with murder instead of getting a pat on the back for vermin removal.

...is anybody surprised by this?

From the Department of Education:

...get ’em young, honey, go to jail.  Also, keyword:  Arkansas.

...does anyone think that an application of Hammurabic Law would be excessive?  No?  Me neither.

...so one assumes that if a bunch of angry Jews were to disrupt Eid that they’d get the same treatment?  LOL

...keyword:  Turkey.  And now it’s a heavenly body… anyone?  Bueller?

...Go Navy.

...should have fired back.

...actually, he got fined for tossing a brick through her window.  What’s not surprising is that she wants him back.  It’s a lovely story.

...key word:  Russian.

...I got nothing.  Not even a link.

...sheesh;  when even the world’s most clueless woman gets it right, you have to know.

...if you’re going to do something like that, you have to pick the best-lit ride in Disneyland.  And he did.

And now:  INSIGNIFICA!!!!

...as once again, we see the perils of letting Spell Check edit your newspaper.

Finally, in Hottie News:

...of course she looks incredible:  she’s Monica freaking Bellucci, FFS.

Then and now, exquisite.

Breakfast gin, Kim?  I think so.

Let’s start off with some MuzzieNews:

...get used to it, fuckers.

...damn, a few pretty ones in there, too.  Amazing what losing the black sack will do for a woman.

In Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© News:

...wait:  wasn’t this supposed to have happened in 2015 already?  Oh wait:

...anyone else confused yet?  This might explain the following item:

...no wonder they lost their empire.

From the Department of Health:

...seven?  I can think of a dozen, without even trying.  See next item.

…

Time for some news of the Great Cultural Assimilation Project:

...mind you, the Irish have needed something to riot about since the Troubles ended.

Not to be confused with this lovely story:

...and if he does, the people responsible for freeing him should be jailed, or worse.

...that’s no way to talk about Mounties.

...it’s known as “The Crime Of The Century” by just about every Chicagoan.  Like substituting Burger King for Lawry’s.

...see, under the old Evil Apartheid Regime©, he’d have been dead for about nine years already.

...WTF is a dog influencer?

Time for some Nookie News:

...Rule #1 for threesomes:  don’t use cheap condoms, and nobody’ll get pregnant.

...we know, we know:  if you’re a guy, it withers and drops off;  and if you’re a chick, it grows closed.  Doesn’t everybody know this?

And now, it’s time for INSIGNIFICA:

...sheesh, Ozzy;  I’m pretty sure your sex has been well-driven by now.

Finally, there was some unimportant awards show in Britishland, and was attended by the Usual Sluts & Harlots:

Salma wasn’t there, but what the hell:

And that’s it, for the news.  Oh wait, there’s one more commercial: