Since the re-election of Donald Trump, for the first time in my life I feel the same way that Parisians did on July 25, 1944:
(All the above are from the API archives, from back when they were an actual news organization and not a bunch of tranzi assholes.)
To quote Craig Ferguson: “It’s a great day in America!”
Ahhhh Houston:
An aggressive driver was shot numerous times Friday night in Houston, Texas, after allegedly brake-checking, blocking, and chasing a couple riding in another vehicle.
The incident occurred around 9:30 p.m.
The [dead] suspect, a man in his 40s, was driving a pickup truck when he allegedly “zeroed in on a car driven by a 20-year-old man.” There was also a pregnant woman in the car with the younger man.
The driver allegedly brake-checked the 20-year-old, drove into oncoming traffic to get beside him, and finally, blocked the car’s forward motion, then exited his truck with his hand near his pockets.
The 20-year-old [allegedly] feared for himself and for the woman with him and [allegedly] opened fire, [allegedly] hitting the 40-year-old numerous times.
I added a few “allegedy”s in there, just to be all legal and stuff.
You know, Texas just isn’t a place where you want to do that “road rage” thing, something our corpus delicti should have known but alas too late.
Okay, let’s start off with
...these panicky items always assume that the U.S. isn’t preparing exactly the same thing to use against anyone who tries. I just hope we are...
...but but but EEEEVIL GUNS!!!!
And there are always the non-sequiturs:
...can they be any more stupid? And speaking of morons:
...I’m sure he has all the data to support this claim… he doesn’t? Oh well, then, just Jeffries being Jeffries, i.e being a total moron.
...they should be caught and made to drink it.
...maybe they should all just convert to Islam. What the hell: these kids seem to be refusing to do anything… like work, for instance.
From The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:
...one simple question for Hizzoner: is rape against the law in these assholes’ home countries? It is? Then throw their asses in jail.
From the Department of Health:
…and just to show it can happen anywhere:
…
In Economic Emigration News:
...gosh, and all the BritGov did was increase their taxes and tank the economy.
...I wonder why that is. Could it be because it’s all a load of bullshit and we can’t afford it?
...keyword: Australia. For the mathematically-challenged, that’s an average of about 8 per night, every night of the year. Uh huh, sure.
And from the Department of Education:
...flogging for teacher? I’m open to suggestions.
...doesn’t tell us much; all fast food chains are better than McDonald’s.
And one more time from 
...given that it’s the Diet Woke corporation, he may want to hire a taster first.
...did I already say how much I love EytiePM Giorgia Meloni?
And in our journey along 
:
...for some reason, the picture of Miss Nancy getting going off gives me a tingling. Why?
And that’s the news, all rounded out up.
Here’s some good news:
Drugs used to treat cancer, diabetes and other chronic conditions are among 15 picked for negotiations that could result in lower prices for patients, the Department of Health and Human Services confirmed Friday.
The 15 drugs selected by HHS are all covered under Medicare Part D and represent the second round of negotiations between drug companies and the department, with a goal of lowering costs for Medicare patients.
And the good news:
Popular diabetes drugs Ozempic, Rybelsus and Wegovy, which are also used for weight loss are among the 15 announced Friday.
Hooray! Let me tell you, as one who has to take Ozempic for diabetes (at $60 per shot per week), this is welcome.
But wait! There’s more!
Negotiations between the government agency and drug companies will take place this year with any agreed upon price changes taking effect in 2027.
…by which time I could be dead. How nice. Even better:
Drug manufacturers can choose whether or not to enter negotiations with the government for a collective price for Medicare patients.
Any bets as to who will decline the offer?
For once, Monday ain’t so bad.
“Why is that, Kim?”
Let the festivities begin:
So let’s raise our glasses:
…AND START THE PARTY
…as we wave goodbye to this shit:
See y’all at the Real New Year ‘s Day Shoot tomorrow…
Today’s Funnies will appear sometime after midday Central Time because Reasons.
As you will see.