Author: Kim du Toit

Yesterday’s post about surviving on a deserted island with only one thing created quite a stir in Comments.

I’m going to take issue with something GT3Ted said:

“If you’ve ever tried to actually use one of those multi-function pocket knives, you would that although it promises to be able to do all sorts of things, it does none of them well, and most of them are completely useless,” and “A proper size survival knife with some weight and strength with a sheath and an included flint and sharpener.”

Well, I have actually used a Swiss Army knife, several times, both on Boy Scout trips with the Son&Heir, and on a couple of Army situations.  Both involved being in the middle of nowhere, with limited resources.

The point of survival revolves around two activities (other than feeding yourself and making or finding shelter):  husbanding your energy and being able to take care of small tasks and emergencies.

Here’s what I know about the Swiss Army Champ:

• The steel used in all real Swiss Army knives is superb.  It holds an edge very well, and is remarkably strong and reluctant to break, provided that you’re reasonably careful.  I typically use the smaller blade for all small cutting and whittling tasks, saving the bigger blade for tasks that require a bigger blade — and there aren’t that many, by the way.
• That little saw blade makes mincemeat of any branch or young tree trunk.  Try cutting any wood thicker than your wrist with a knife, any knife, and you’ll find it takes a long time (and energy).  You’ll also need that (included?) sharpener (if you’re allowed to take one, that is), because nothing dulls a blade like chopping wood;  ask me how I know this.  That saw on the Champ?  Cuts through anything, pretty much, with very little effort.
• The magnifying glass starts a fire in about 30 seconds, and requires no skill — very much unlike trying to start a fire with a flint.  Just try using a flint — or watch any of the “Survival” TV shows — to see how time-consuming and frustrating fire-starting with that method is.  And yes, the glass only works in daytime:  try using a flint to start a fire in pitch darkness, I dare you.
• Ever got a splinter in your hand or finger, and left it alone for a while?  Yep, it starts to fester, and quickly.  So you’ve got to get it out ASAP, and all you have is a bush knife?  Good luck with that.  The Swiss Army Champ has not only tweezers, but pliers as well.
• Speaking of the pliers:  good luck getting that rotting tooth out of your mouth with a bush knife.  (Once again, see how Tom Hanks had to do it on his deserted island.)  Now add a few more tasks that are made easier with pliers and are almost impossible with a large knife, and you’ll get my drift.
• To avoid rotting teeth, by the way, you’ll need to clean them after every meal.  Well, you can use your finger, of course, but the problem lies with those little bits of food stuck between your teeth.  Oh wait, what’s that?  The Champ has a toothpick tucked away in the handle?  Yeah, picking your teeth with a machete or bush knife is not a pleasant prospect, even assuming you can get the blade into your mouth without turning your face into the Joker’s.
• Assume you have coconut trees on your island.  With that big survival knife, you’re as likely to cut the shell open and lose half the coconut milk in the process.  Sure, the islanders make it look simple and easy;  but that’s all they do, day after day.  Someone who doesn’t is going to make a big mess and waste a lot of time and energy.  Now that little spike (awl) on the Champ?  It makes two small, neat holes (once again without too much effort), so that you can pour the milk through one into your mouth without losing any (the air flows in through the other so that it pours smoothly).  I’ve done it myself, several times, and it works.
• And if you need to sew anything (using stripped bark or lianas or whatever), that same spike has a little hole that you can use for thread.  Granted, it’s not perfect;  but your One Thing probably wouldn’t be a Bernina anyway.

Which, I think, is the whole point about a general-purpose tool like the Champ.  Granted, it doesn’t do anything very well;  but it does a whole lot of things reasonably well — and those things might make a huge difference to your chances of survival.

I cannot tell you how many times people asked me to borrow my Champ during the two activities I described above, to take care of one thing or another.  In every case, I refused to lend it to them, but did the tasks myself (I was not going to risk having the Champ broken by some heavy-handed Boy Scout or troopie.)  (Aside:  Swiss Army knives are streng verboten  in Boy Scouts because they don’t have locking blades.  Yeah, you have to be a little careful when using them.  Welcome to Grown-Up World.)

So I’m not saying that a large bush knife is a Bad Thing — anything but — but I prefer versatility in a situation that is likely to throw multiple problems at you.

By the way:  I found yet another Champ — in my gun bag — yesterday, so that brings the total I own to five.  Too many?  I don’ theenk so, Pedro.