I’ve done this a lot (not as much as my several Brit Readers, of course, but certainly as much or more than most Murkin tourists). So when in response to my post about The George last week, Reader Raven comments:
“We need to know what is the best car to tour rural England [and its pubs – Kim]. And with whom.”
…I need little or no prodding to get this one on paper, so to speak.
Some ground rules first.
There will be no travel on any highway beginning with the letter “M” (M25, M4, M1 etc.) because 1) there are no pubs located on any of them, and 2) if you think road construction in Michigan during the summer is bad, you ain’t seen nothin’ until you hit a 25-mile-long highway construction zone (with only about a half-mile’s worth of actual construction taking place therein) in the British fog and/or rain.
Forget that nonsense: we’ll be taking (at least) the “A” and “B” roads. And just in case you don’t know: the higher the number following the prefix, the smaller/narrower the road. The A4 (London to Bristol old main road), for example, is mostly a two-lane affair with only occasional widening to accommodate turnoffs or city traffic.
By the time you get to, say, the B237, it’s likely to be a single-lane thing, with a tarred surface being an optional extra. This is the two-way approach road to The Plough Inn in Cold Aston, Oxfordshire, just off the A436:
So forget anything wide, and a large engine will just gulp petrol (currently at $15/gallon US) without getting you there any faster. And you won’t be able to park your behemoth in any pub’s parking lot, if indeed it has a parking lot at all.
So you end up parking in the street.
Good luck with that. Also, unless you do this tour in summer (when the traffic is absolutely terrible, on just about any road in Britain), expect rain — so no soft tops / drop heads, especially on the older types, which leak.
So here we go. First, the car choices, starting with the Top 5, and in no specific order.
Lotus Elan +2 (1971)
MGB GT (1968)
Triumph GT6+ (1971)
Jaguar E-type 42 (1970)
(I know I said no soft tops; but to drive an E-type around Britain? I’d take my chances. My game, my rules). And finally:
Jaguar XK120 (1952)
All the usual caveats about 
, leakages and reliability apply.
Let’s look at the Top 5 Traveling Companions, who would have been in their prime during the vintage of most of the above cars:
Shirley Ann Field
Belinda Lee
(By the way, Belinda Lee died tragically in a car crash, aged 25)
And two Brit models of more recent vintage, for those who can’t imagine the Oldies in their prime:
And one car of more recent vintage with which to drive either of the above two youngins around in:
Morgan Plus 4
Yeah, I faked you out; but it is a 2021 model, after all.
I know Britain’s a small country, but equipped with any combination of the above cars and womenfolk, I suspect it would take one absolute ages to compete the tour. And then there are the pubs…
Since all of the cars are British, I am given to assume you consider getting stuck for an extended time in a small country inn with your companion of choice due to mechanical problems to be a plus?
Busted…
Among these choices, it’s got to be the Triumph GT6+ with Susan Hampshire riding shotgun. Unfortunately, at my age and girth I wouldn’t fit into most of those cars and poor Susan would run screaming once she got a look at my face (not to mention my scent.)
I’ve only toured rural England once, on my honeymoon in 1995, and we drove a ’94 Renault Clio with an automatic. Indeed, even its meager acceleration was plenty for the purpose, and its diminutive size made it easy to park at many pubs along the way. You just had to make sure to get out and away from the car quickly before someone saw you in it.
I’d take something like this: http://www.simoncars.co.uk/landrover/slides/Land-Rover%20Series%20I%201949%20front.jpg with my wife sitting next to me. She may not be as pretty as some of them other broads, but we’ll have something to talk about on the drive.
I’ve driven from Cornwall to Devizes, and from London to Edinburgh and back, in that model Landy.
All I can say is that your teeth must be very well-seated to do a tour of all Britishland in one of those. And you’ll need to see a kidney doc afterwards, too.
And that is the truth. They could have just welded the axle to the frame and saved a lot on money on springs.
I’ve sat in a Morgan Plus 6 (I think – it may have been a Plus 4) at Goodwood and it was very nice. But the best times for a driving holiday are late spring (May / early June) and early autumn (September). Because all the kids are at school.
I’d have to pick the B GT since it has the most room for gear, is more or less weather tight and most likely to not fail catastrophically. Don’t know anything about any of Bimbo’s listed but just based on looks ( never a good measure ) I’d pick Susan – she looks like she is most likely to put with doing such an adventure in an inappropriate car. I suspect she is more used to a Bentley as transport.
How did I ever miss seeing or hearing of Shirley Ann Field in my youth? What a dish!
You can hire Morgans in the UK
I once drove from Cheltenham to Southampton and back on A roads in a 2006 Peugeot 407. Not exactly ideal, but it was June and the drive was lovely.
Lotus Elan with Emma Peel.
Having been warned about the terrible weather, the first time I was in Blighty, for about two months, I was surprised that it only rained twice, once for four weeks and once for three weeks.
For me it would be a Jensen Healey GT and for my companion Diana Riggs….. One of the last shooting brakes. Have never got over her from the old Avengers series
I drove across Ireland but haven’t driven in England yet.
Susan Hampshire looks nice. Does she know anything about the area that we’re driving?
JQ
Any of the aforementioned “Dahlings”, in a ’65 Mini-Cooper S; or, Shirley Ann in the MGB GT.