Not at that price, not even for free would I fly
- on United and
- to San Francisco
- at any time.
Thank you for your offer, though.
Tag: Travel
Overrated?
According to some guys on the Internet, the ten most overrated tourist destinations in the world are:
Of the ones I’ve been to (all but three), I’d agree with the inclusion of NYFC, Los Angeles and Rome, all of which are the dregs.
However, when you look at the reasons for said reactions, “long queues to get into museums” ranks really high — so, not of much interest to me then, because I’m a traveler, not a tourist, and other than a very few exceptions*, museums are not high on my list of things to do.
I have little of no interest in visiting Istanbul or Anatolia, unless the current crop of Muslim assholes in Turkey’s government moderates their stance towards Westerners.
I desperately want to see Milan at some point, but not for the usual “tourist” reasons; I wanna eat the food, drink the wine and imagine what it would be like to actually live there (which is the main reason I travel at all).
Then there’s this, about Paris:
The city has even coined its own syndrome, Paris Syndrome. The condition is described as a sense of extreme disappointment experienced visiting Paris if the city doesn’t live up to expectations.
I went to Paris expecting to hate it, and came away completely in love with it. (NB: that was well over a decade ago; what Paris may have become since all the North Africans have arrived may change my opinion.)
I’ve been to London so many times that I’ve become tired of life, because as Johnson added, “…for there is in London all that life can afford.” The key word here is “afford”, because London is spendy, Bubba. The only reason I’d go to London anymore is to hang out with the dreaded Mr. Free Market (when he’s there and not away in the West Country, flogging the staff at Free Market Towers), with visits to such places as John Rigby and Wm. Purdey & Son as well as the usual places where one may destroy one’s liver (of which Mr. FM has a seemingly-endless list).
Putting my beloved Vienna on the “overrated” list makes me want to have another breakfast gin lest I be tempted towards violence.
And Rome sucks green donkey dicks. The food is mediocre, the place overrun with tourists and African criminals (and I was there in winter), and were it not for the excellent Vatican tour, I cannot think of any reason to go there.
One last note: I asked New Wife where in Europe, if we won the lottery, she would like to visit (either for the first time, or a return trip).
“Amsterdam” (she’s been there before) “…Barcelona, and the French Riviera.”
No argument from me on any of them.
*Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam and Kunsthistorischesmuseum in Vienna, both of which I’ve already visited anyway.
Good Return
As I get older, more cynical and less fearful of this Game we call Life, stories like this have a strange appeal — and not necessarily from good intentions, as you will see. Here’s the executive summary:
Guy gets hired by a company, and over a period of nine years swindles enough money to fund a “fantasy lifestyle of Las Vegas and New York trips, stays in The Ritz and Savoy and Harrods shopping sprees”.
Thinking about it in the Murkin idiom, that would mean trips to London and Monaco, staying at the Ritz and Fairmont, and of course Harrods shopping sprees. (The story also mentions that the man paid for house improvements, but never mind that nonsense.)
Which brings me to the point. Eventually, the gravy train came to an end when Freddie The Fraudster was caught (ironically, through invoices for his house improvements), and he’s just been sentenced to five years in jail.
So let’s see. If I somehow stumbled onto a scheme like this, I’d live the life of Reilly for nine years (taking me to age 77), and then get to spend my dotage (assuming I even got that far) in government-subsidized accommodation with free food and healthcare until I snuffed it.
Five years of boarding school in return for nine years of utter hedonism?
Granted, there are parts of this story that are truly reprehensible — such as the fact that this mope was hired by a good man who wanted to give him a second chance at life, and he repaid the kindness by stealing the company blind for nearly a decade. That’s about as bad as it gets, and under those circumstances I would never countenance doing the same as the prisoner in the dock.
But if I could do the same while being employed by a wealthy stranger (or even better, Global MegaCorp Inc.)…
Not to mention:
Don’t even talk about it.
Unfortunately, I have a conscience, and her name is New Wife. So none of that’s gonna happen.
No, Maybe, No, And Hell No
Once again, travel advice from the Stupid to the Gullible:
The 30 best destinations to visit in 2023 named by Lonely Planet: Manchester, South Scotland, Sydney and New Mexico are among the places you MUST explore next year
Of the four, southern Scotland is the only one I’d consider, and then only in summer or early fall. I’ve been there, it’s beautiful, and ’nuff said.
As for the rest of the top four… New Mexico? The Africa of the United States? It is, as they say, to LOL.
I have been warned against going to Manchester by several people, most especially by Mr. Free Market, who only ventures north of the M4 to kill stags (here’s his latest):
And everyone knows about my hostility towards Oz, following my (twice-)aborted trips to visit grandchildren over there, with both the OzGov and Qantas earning my undying hatred in the process. Too far, too expensive, too much hassle, and fukkem.
Passing note on some of the other places mentioned in the article:
- Dominica used to be well known to Americans looking for an easy way to get a non-U.S. passport. I don’t know if it’s still that way, but there it is. Just don’t visit there during the hurricane season.
- Marseilles? I’d rather go to Tunis, and I don’t want to go there either.
- South Africa for ‘affordable world class dining’ — it is about the ONLY reason to go there, anymore; restaurants are not only affordable, but astoundingly cheap, and the food/wine are excellent. But otherwise, the only good thing about Seffrica is that U.S. citizens can take their handguns over, and carry them after getting a pro forma temporary gun license. (There’s more to it, but it’s an easy process.) Of course, you’re most likely to need said handgun because South Africa is one of the most violent countries on the (lonely) planet.
Feel free to add your comments about the other places mentioned in the article.
Touring Britishland
I’ve done this a lot (not as much as my several Brit Readers, of course, but certainly as much or more than most Murkin tourists). So when in response to my post about The George last week, Reader Raven comments:
“We need to know what is the best car to tour rural England [and its pubs – Kim]. And with whom.”
…I need little or no prodding to get this one on paper, so to speak.
Some ground rules first.
There will be no travel on any highway beginning with the letter “M” (M25, M4, M1 etc.) because 1) there are no pubs located on any of them, and 2) if you think road construction in Michigan during the summer is bad, you ain’t seen nothin’ until you hit a 25-mile-long highway construction zone (with only about a half-mile’s worth of actual construction taking place therein) in the British fog and/or rain.
Forget that nonsense: we’ll be taking (at least) the “A” and “B” roads. And just in case you don’t know: the higher the number following the prefix, the smaller/narrower the road. The A4 (London to Bristol old main road), for example, is mostly a two-lane affair with only occasional widening to accommodate turnoffs or city traffic.
By the time you get to, say, the B237, it’s likely to be a single-lane thing, with a tarred surface being an optional extra. This is the two-way approach road to The Plough Inn in Cold Aston, Oxfordshire, just off the A436:
So forget anything wide, and a large engine will just gulp petrol (currently at $15/gallon US) without getting you there any faster. And you won’t be able to park your behemoth in any pub’s parking lot, if indeed it has a parking lot at all.
So you end up parking in the street.
Good luck with that. Also, unless you do this tour in summer (when the traffic is absolutely terrible, on just about any road in Britain), expect rain — so no soft tops / drop heads, especially on the older types, which leak.
So here we go. First, the car choices, starting with the Top 5, and in no specific order.
Lotus Elan +2 (1971)
MGB GT (1968)
Triumph GT6+ (1971)
Jaguar E-type 42 (1970)
(I know I said no soft tops; but to drive an E-type around Britain? I’d take my chances. My game, my rules). And finally:
Jaguar XK120 (1952)
All the usual caveats about 
, leakages and reliability apply.
Let’s look at the Top 5 Traveling Companions, who would have been in their prime during the vintage of most of the above cars:
Shirley Ann Field
Belinda Lee
(By the way, Belinda Lee died tragically in a car crash, aged 25)
And two Brit models of more recent vintage, for those who can’t imagine the Oldies in their prime:
And one car of more recent vintage with which to drive either of the above two youngins around in:
Morgan Plus 4
Yeah, I faked you out; but it is a 2021 model, after all.
I know Britain’s a small country, but equipped with any combination of the above cars and womenfolk, I suspect it would take one absolute ages to compete the tour. And then there are the pubs…
Ummm No
Once again, somebody’s been visiting another planet where the cities have the same names as those on Earth:
Somebody’s been traveling under the influence of Ambien, or something.
Or maybe this report was filed in 1988 and they only got round to publishing it now. Whatever, here are a few of the beautiful landscapes in Seattle:
…and I wasn’t even trying.
If someone visits Seattle as a result of having read this article, they should sue the stupid newspaper. Talk about fake news…