Worshipping Laundry

In earlier times (i.e. last week), this bit of news might have made the files:

The Athletics, formerly of Oakland, are all excited about their impending move to Las Vegas. But they may have to change their name before they go there.

The U.S. Patent and Trademark Office denied multiple requests from the A’s for the names “Las Vegas Athletics” and “Vegas Athletics.” The requested trademarks were denied on the grounds the names were “too generic.”

As reporter Josh Gerben writes, “According to the USPTO, the dominant portion of each mark refers to a well-known geographic location (Las Vegas) while the remaining wording, ‘Athletics,’ lacks distinctiveness as applied to the goods and services identified in the applications.

“The examining attorney noted that ‘athletics’ is defined as ‘activities such as sports, exercises, and games that require physical skill and stamina,’ and concluded that the term directly describes ‘the purpose and feature of the applicant’s goods and services.’ As a result, the USPTO found that the marks merely describe a professional sports team located in Las Vegas rather than functioning as unique indicators of source.”

And then you can just fall asleep, assuming you haven’t already done so.

My take:

Back in the day, a sports team’s ethos was all bound up with their ties to their hometown and its fans.  Now?  It really doesn’t matter, because all the hoopla about the “storied franchises” and associated bollocks is tinsel on a dying tree.

As long as a team stuck with what made them unique — e.g. the Pittsburgh Steelers, a name which tied the team both to the city and to the industry which gave the place their ethos (not to mention that the name is kick-ass good) — then there was something to be said for the “brand”.

But if tomorrow the Steelers were decide to move to Shreveport LA, thus giving up everything — the city, their fans, the players, the history — that made them what they are, then why should they try to cling to the Steelers name?  Because without all the other stuff, all they are is, as Jerry Seinfeld so wonderfully put it once in an excellent rant, laundry.

Nowadays, very few players are associated with teams either, because instead of the players choosing loyalty to the team and the city which made them famous, they swap teams (or are traded) to the point where you need to look at their resume just to track their career path.  (Baseball management, by the way, has pretty much made a business out of treating players like disposable resources, and the players have responded in kind by treating each team as nothing more than a meal ticket, so I have little time for either teams or players and their problems.)

And thus with the Oakland As (not “A’s”, FFS), who once represented the city and neighborhood as the gritty working-class underdogs they always were.  So they want to leave Oakland and go play their little game in Las Vegas, but keep their nickname?  Hell, as I see it, the “generic” quality of their desired name(s) actually suits them just fine, because when they decide to quit Las Vegas for Tallahassee or whatever, they can just take their meaningless name with them.

Nailbiting

I know:  most of y’all have about as much interest in Formula One as I do about soap operas.

However:  the last race of the 2025 F1 season will take place this weekend on some track in the Arabian desert #DontCare, and it promises to be quite unlike the usual formation-lap snore fest.

At the middle of the season, current (and four-time) champion Max Verstappen was 100-odd points adrift of the top of the standings, driving a car which was not in the same class as the eventual manufacturer’s champions McLaren (who clinched the title a couple races back).

Thanks to his incredible skill behind the wheel, and aided by said McLaren team totally screwing up their race strategy in the past two races, Verstappen finds himself in actual contention for his fifth (consecutive!) driver’s championship in the final race.  He’ll need some help from McLaren, of course, but given their recent screwups that’s not completely out of the picture — and as both McLaren drivers are 1-2 in the standings and are after the same title, there’s also a good chance that they’ll collide with each other and take themselves out of the picture, leaving it all to Verstappen.  One thing is for sure:  if it’s just up to his own driving, he’s an odds-on favorite

Anyway, I told you all that so I can share this, said before the Las Vegas Grand Prix:

Me, I’m rooting for Max this weekend.

Quote Of The Day

From the statuesque Bryony Gordon at the Daily Mail, talking about padel:

“The game has always struck me as tennis for those who can’t be bothered to learn tennis, but given our dwindling attention spans, it’s probably the perfect sport for our age.”

I always thought it was a cross between tennis (court and scoring system ), squash (playing off the walls) and table tennis (the bats).

It’s also gentler, takes up less space, and doesn’t require as much exertion as tennis or squash.  It really is the perfect non-sport for our silly age — which means it’s soon going to become an Olympic event.  (#SynchronizedSwimming)

“yeah, but why do you call Bryony Gordon ‘statuesque’, Kim?”

Finally!

…as Alert Reader Danny P. tells me:

…and as we all know, when Vegas starts up a little action, it’s officially a Thing.

I know it’s a little too soon to base tradition upon something that has only occurred twice (so far), but I’m hoping that the lime-green dildo becomes a feature, a trademark if you will, of this most excellent institution.

Of course, the Woke / Perpetually Indignant / WNBA [much redundancy]  will do their best to stamp this out — think:  Dildo-Tosser Cam — which makes this whole thing so much the more amusing.


Afterthought:  Reader Danny wants me to assure everyone that he is not fixated on dildos — not that there’s anything wrong with that, of course — but there it is nevertheless.

The Return Of Big Lime

Heeeeere comes another one!

Another night, and another green sex toy has been tossed upon the floor of a WNBA court.

During Friday night’s game between the Valkyries and the Sky, a green dildo was flung from the crowd and landed on the hardwood as players and officials looked on aghast.

As noted in the post below, this is the second such dildo throwing incident, and both instances have come at games when the Valkyrie are playing.

For some reason, this stuff is tickling my (lime-green) funny-bone.

The fact that everyone is so upset and butt-hurt [sic]  about this just makes me giggle all the more.

Hiatus

Some sporting news, as it pertains to me only:

1.) The English Professional League (EPL) football 2024/25 season is over until late summer.  There goes my weekly sports event.  Bummer.  At least Chelsea made the top 5.

2.) Formula 1 — which is almost weekly — is starting to heat up, and now that the always-boring Monaco GP is over, we can look forward to some actual drama.

3.) The cricket season is starting up, so that’s good — albeit not weekly — because South Africa has a pretty busy season this year, starting with a tour of Strylia (always a good competition, provided that the Strylians can refrain from cheating).  And speaking of touring Australia, I have to wait until January next year to watch the Ashes (Oz vs. England).

4.) Golf tournaments coming up:  US Open and the Open Championship (British).  I only watch the four majors:  Masters (McIlroy), US PGA (Sheffler) and the two above (winners TBD).

5.) I don’t watch basketball of any description, so whatever happens there is of no interest to me.

6.) Ditto baseball.

7.) Ditto (ice) hockey.

8.) Ditto the NFL.

9.) Ditto tennis except for Wimbledon, and that only occasionally.  I pretty much haven’t watched it since they stopped playing with wooden racquets.

10.) I don’t watch any women’s sporting events, because the skills are crap and there’s no nudity.

Okay, you can all get back to cleaning your guns / cutting your toenails / whatever.