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Amazing Find

Men & Women

Here we go:

My old friend Richard Dorman* once described this wondrous female feature to me thus:

“Way I see it, old man, my job is to insert my tallywocker into the aperture provided, and commence the rocking movement for the next few minutes until the load is delivered.  Job done.  If she needs to activate her little switch to reach her own Special Moment, then it’s up to her to activate it.”

Try as I may, I can find no fault with his logic, cold as it may be.

And where would we be without !SCIENCE!, I ask.

*Dicky was an old colleague of mine back at the Great Big Research Company (Seffrican division).  He deserves, and will one day get, his own entry [sic]  on these pages.

Comparative Dressing

Food & Drink

This little thing made the meme-rounds over the weekend:

My first reaction was:  Huh? because I don’t much care for ranch dressing myself, so at first I couldn’t understand the excitement among the Euros and Brits over the stuff.  Then I remembered what these guys generally put on their salad:

…which is easily the most vile cream-like substance anyone has ever put in their mouth.  (And that includes the output [sic]  of the porno movies made in the 1970s.)

So when we Murkins wonder why all the excitement about ranch dressing, you need to consider the (coff, coff)  competition.

Quite understandable, really.

Six Of The Best: The Watches

Top 6

Anyone who  was imprisoned in  went to a boys’ boarding school before 1980 will be familiar with the term “six of the best”, which referred to the number of strokes applied to one’s backside by a cane-wielding head- or housemaster.

This series isn’t about any of that sadomasochistic nonsense.  It’s about fine things, things I like right at the moment, things I would like to possess (given the means, of course):  just… great stuff.

So today:  Watches.

As Longtime Readers know well, I have some fairly strict rules when it comes to watches:

  • no metal bracelets (because arm hair);  leather straps only, no rubber or plastic straps need apply
  • manual wind action (no automatic or battery a.k.a “quartz” movements)
  • simplicity over complications
  • uncluttered watch faces
  • dress watches over “functional” (stopwatches, diving watches, etc.).

While these are very much ironclad rules, I have reserved the right to break them in a couple of cases simply because the watches are gorgeous.  So here we go (in alphabetical order), and prices are as currently listed in the red links:

Jaeger-LeCoultre Reverso – $9,000

I want a dark-faced watch for discreet evening wear, and I love the “JLC” brand.

Longines Master Collection – $1,200

Art deco numbers, and it oozes class that belies its price.  If something bad were to happen to my brilliant Tissot Heritage, this would be its replacement (assuming I couldn’t find another Heritage, which seems to have been discontinued booooo).

H.Moser & Cie Endeavor – $18,500

The minute I saw this watch, I fell in love despite its nosebleed price.  Want.

Omega Speedmaster Professional Moon Watch – $6,500

Yeah, I broke my own rules with this one:  it’s clunky (not a dress watch) and it’s multifunctional (not simple time-telling).  But it survived a trip to the Moon, which has to count for something, and I’d take one over any Rolex*, any day of the week.  Oh, and that no-class canvas strap would go bye-bye.

Piaget Altiplano – $11,000

The ultimate in minimalist style, the ultra-thin Altiplano has always attracted me.

Vacheron Constantin 1942 Triple Calandrier – $20,000

Okay, I broke almost all my rules with this one:  when a watch tells you the date and month (in addition to hours, minutes and seconds), that’s what you might call “multifunctional”.  Don’t care:  it’s old-fashioned (1942 first production) and I love it.  At least it’s still a manual wind…

Honorable mention (because it isn’t a wristwatch):

Vacheron Constantin 1900 Pocket Watch – $6,000

Art Deco, gold case (not ostentatious because you keep it in your pocket), and a VC into the bargain.  Yeah, it’s secondhand.  Anyone know what a 1961 Ferrari 250 SWB sells for, these days?

And speaking of which:  sometime next week will be cars.

*The Rolex Discussion can be found here.

Final thought:  you will never find any Breitling, Hublot or Tag Heuer watches on any list of mine.  Here are the reasons (just ignore the horrible A.I. voiceover, if you can).