Category: Two-Minute Hate

Disgusting People

If I May

Two-Minute Hate

When I see headlines like this:

Obama Calls for Speech Crackdown at Int’l Summit: We Must ‘Detoxify’ from ‘Scourge of Disinformation’

…I am forced by my limited range of invective to plagiarize borrow from  Mr. Ishmael Of Shetland:

Is there anything in eternity, in the infinity of space and time which you feel would not be illuminated, amplified, clarified, altogether improved, embellished, glorified by you commenting upon it, from out of your arsehole?

Is there no occasion or event or circumstance about which you are not compelled to comment at insufferable length? Might there ever be something happen in this world without it attracting your observations?

If someone was to write OH NO, NOT THAT CUNT AGAIN in letters as big as the Milky Way it would be a poor illustration of the effect you have on sensible people. You are as funny as rectal cancer. You have the insight of a cement mixer, although entirely lacking its utility. You know nothing of any value. You and elegance are estranged. There is better reading on a bus ticket. Nothing you say is witty, informative, provocative, original or scurrilous; nothing you write is worth reading. You are clumsy, cackhanded, plagiaristic, trivial, meaningless, insincere; unredeemed garbage. Even pored-over, analysed, the odd nugget is seen to be stolen from other people, shabby, second-hand, grubby; you cannot even recycle with any distinction.

You are the dullest, most boring, predictable, tedious, mind-numbing gabshite on the planet. Contrasted with reading your musings, watching the grass grow is scintillating, dazzling and provocative. You are as stupid as it is possible to be and still be sentient; nay, that is a misjudgment, lumps of rock are smarter than you, a bag of sand has a better sense of humour. Living with you, even a garden gnome would hurl himself in front of a train, rather than endure one more moment of your endless, infantile commentary. You are an unspeakable cunt. Why don’t you just either shut the fuck up or seek psychiatric assistance for your delusion, the one that makes you think the world cannot survive without you being its continuity announcer. Nobody on earth, not even your mother, if you have one, gives a fuck about what you think about anything. Most people would rather gouge their eyes out than read your drivel. You are an almost unassailable argument for shutting down the Internet; single-handedly you undermine the case for freedom of speech.

The Saviour himself, encountering you on the mountain, would say Fuck me, not this cunt again, does he ever, ever, ever even for a fucking second, shut the fuck up and just be? Or does he think that he spellbinds his betters, enchants his peers and renders reality herself incomplete without his penny’s worth? This is one cunt and a half, lads.

Do you really imagine that you are so perspicacious, so wise, so seasoned that your turds of wisdom, your worthless sweepings-up are indispensable to the world? Do you think people tune in to CSNBC and exclaim: I can’t wait to hear what the ex-POTUS thinks about copper smelting in Zambia; gosh I hope he speaks quickly?
It may be argued in your favour, although I wouldn’t, that crass as you are, your heart is in roughly the right place; your head, however, remains, inextricably, cemented up your arse.

You are unpardonably stupid so, hereby your very own, easy to understand parable:

“Omar went to the Master. He said, Master, I have been painting for years and remain unhappy with my work, can you help? Go, said the Master, and do your finest work and bring it to me. Five years later Omar returned with a painting he had slaved over and handed it to the Master, who threw it straight on the fire.”

Look at your speeches for something not already better said; it’s not there. Is this the point of you? Cover versions?

If you would speak, first learn silence. Learn some Zen, Shithead. Learn some plumbing.

Etc.

Our Leaders

Gummint, Law and Order, Military, Two-Minute Hate

Two different takes on the people who purport to be our nation’s leaders, first a global view from VDH:

As the nation sinks inexplicably into self-created crisis after crisis, debate rages whether Joe Biden is incompetent, mean-spirited, or an ideologue who feels the country’s mess is his success.

A second national discussion revolves around who actually is overseeing the current national catastrophe, given Joe Biden’s frequent bewilderment and cognitive challenges.

But one area of agreement is the sheer craziness of Biden’s cabinet appointments, who have translated his incoherent ideology into catastrophic governance.
…

The common denominator to these Biden appointees is ideological rigidity, nonchalance, and sheer incompetence.

They seem indifferent to the current border, inflation, energy, and crime disasters. When confronted, they are unable to answer simple questions from Congress, or they mock anyone asking for answers on behalf of the strapped American people.

We don’t know why or how such an unimpressive cadre ended up running the government, only that they are here and the American people are suffering from their presence.

And then a local perspective from Kurt:

The clusterfark in Uvalde is just a symptom of a much bigger pathology. It is a symbol of the failure of every institution in our society. And the solution is never to revamp the institutions and eject the parasites heading them. It’s always – always – to take power from us and give it to the people who screwed up in the first place.

November 2022 can’t come quickly enough (and we need November 2024 to come even more quickly) so we can get rid of these lying, incompetent and corrupt assholes at federal, state and local level.

There are quicker ways, mind you, but I’m not going to go there.

Kindred Soul

Two-Minute Hate

I have an ally in my war against loud music in restaurants and other commercial venues.  Saith Nigel Rodgers at the DM :

The introduction of the smoking ban enabled us to shop, eat and drink in a smoke-free environment, so why does uncontrollable, inescapable background music linger in these spaces like cigarette smoke once did?

Unwanted ‘muzac’ (NB. ‘Muzak’ with a ‘k’ is a tradename these days) easily becomes a noise, and noise is the forgotten pollutant. Sometimes you can’t hear yourself think, let alone hear the person you’re with.

You can’t read, you can’t listen to your music on headphones. No, you’re trapped, beholden to a dreadful cacophony.

I wrote about this ghastly nonsense back in 2018, and if anything, I’ve become less tolerant in the intervening years.  Not long ago I ordered my food in a place which played loud music, and then about ten minutes later I got up and left, apologizing to the restaurant manager on my way out, saying that my tinnitus was causing me extreme pain and I would not be able to enjoy the meal because of the noise.  I went back a couple nights later, walked in, and walked straight back out again, motioning to the manager about the loud music.  I never went back.

The hell with them, and all the other places.  Nigel, old buddy, I’m right there with you.

Nosebleed And RCOB

Marketing / Advertising, Two-Minute Hate

Yesterday I went to buy someone a Dallas Cowboys cap (don’t ask), and at Academy I was just about to throw one into the shopping cart when I caught a glimpse of the price.

THIRTY FUCKING DOLLARS?  FOR A LOUSY CAP????

So back on the rack it was flung, with some force, and I was so angry I had to buy some new .45 ACP ammo to settle my nerves.  (And at just over a dollar per round for primo self-defense stuff, it wasn’t that bad or else I’d have had a stroke.)

I can sorta see how a thermal cup, for instance, could cost maybe fifteen bucks (don’t get me started about that stupid Yeti crap):  there’s a combination of materials and a little quality thrown in, and then there’s the “brand” to pay for (although the way the Cowboys have been playing recently from all accounts, they should be paying US to take their shitty merchandise).

But $30 for a common-or-garden baseball cap, made (as they all are) in China?

FOAD, America’s Team.

Language Nannies

Nannies, Two-Minute Hate, Wokism

And then there’s this development:

Google has announced the launch of an “inclusive language” function to help users eliminate politically incorrect words and expressions. The feature is being introduced initially to Google’s “enterprise-level” users and will include both warnings and suggestions as part of Google’s new assisted writing features in Google Docs.
Typing in the word “landlord,” for instance, generates a warning the term “may not be inclusive to all readers” as well as the suggestion to replace the offensive locution with “property owner” or “proprietor.”

Similarly, Google takes issue with the word “mankind” and proposes substituting it with the more appropriate “humankind.” Use of “policemen” and “housewife” provokes a correction as well, and Google will urge replacing them with the gender-neutral “police officers” and “stay-at-home spouse.”

Curiously, the new software seems targeted only at a specific sort of communication infractions.

How nice.  Wait till this feature turns into “obligatory” rather than just “advisory”…

My message to Google:  take your wokist nonsense and stick it up your excretion aperture.

Oh, and fuck you.  And your poxy email.

Seriously?

Two-Minute Hate

Some fuckwit decided that this would be a nice window display for Easter:

Let me tell you:  I’m not a Christian, and even I’m pissed off at this.  Had I been in North London and seen this, I would have:

  • gone to Primark and bought a cheap, throwaway hoodie jacket
  • found a brick or large rock somewhere
  • waited till dark
  • you can guess the rest.

I await the time when this asshole puts up a display of the Prophet Mohammed fucking a young girl, just in time for the first day of Ramadan.

For the sake of “equity”, of course.