Category: Bad News

Never mind all that “gold-digging whore” stuff…

...I’m just surprised they didn’t use AutoTune.

Time for some :

...bent ol’ Ursula over the desk, he did — and the EEEEWWWW knows it.

...not that this would be too difficult.

...wait: you mean we can go back to driving the cars and trucks we want, use toilets that flush properly, and not have to depend on solar power in midwinter?

Of course when we read the above good news, can Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© warnings be far behind?

...is there anything climate change can’t do?  (And before you rush to check, the report is total bullshit.)
#NoSurpriseThere

...next:  ban heating oil for furnaces, because New Yorkers deserve to fucking freeze to death for electing the same asshole politicians time after time after time.

And now,

...keep it going, guys.

…

And speaking of child molesters;  this from the Dept. Of Education:

...why would he need “pressure”?

#StupidKid

And in our Hearts Of Stone Dept.:

...yeah, well
#India

In Political News:

...that’s too bad, ’cause it could have pushed CA over the edge into complete ruin.  Even worse, this means she’s probably going to run for POTUS again.  [cue political laughter]:

Some Celebrity News:

...what’s left for Meg ‘n Ginger?  OnlyFans.  (You heard it here first.)

And yet again, some link-free 

Alesha Dixon reveals surprise career change as
she makes major move away from music
...oooh Britain’s got talent (and legs, especially legs), all right:

And on that note, it’s time to leg it outta here.

Gotta say, if you have to use Lysol on that stanky thang, then you won’t be worried by this next item.

...then again:

...hard to argue with that one.  Also:

...brought over, no doubt, by the small-boat fuzzies.

From Page One in Showbiz News:

...”better” being such an objective judgement, yes?  As long as a law is passed saying that all A.I. movies contain those letters in the title, e.g. “Gone With The Wind (A.I.)”. 

In Crime News:

...which is one of the reasons why I never go shopping without being armed.

...just how much worse could her day get?
#India

...and was then given a stern telling-off before being sent home to tea with his mum.
#BritishJustice

Fresh from The Great Cultural Assimilation Project©:

...”but Kim, how will it keep them from escaping, without being surrounded by alligators?”
#Landmines

Majority of Germans Oppose State Ban of Anti-Mass Migration AfD Party
...mein Gott, letting ordinary people decide this kind of thing instead of government?  You mean actual… democracy?  Where would it all end? 

UK Gov’t Scrambles to Restore ‘Social Fabric’ as Migration Divisions Threaten Further Riots
...they’re not going to let the People decide this one, either.
#ShutUp #BloodyPeasants

From the Department of Education:

...best part is that the deputy head was a woman, and the art teacher a man.  Poor guy never stood a chance.

And still on the topic of sex education:

...redefining the term “showjumper” for all time.  Also:
#Wales

In the Darwin Report:

....

...not sure that the little twerp’s opinion should matter much, but whatever.

And now, the stuff you’ve all been waiting for: 

And the view on :

...okay, she’s crazier than a sackful of cats and a semi-lesbianist to boot, but I think we can forgive her because reasons.

A good way to end the news, I think.

 

And speaking of things rising up:

...well, no it isn’t.  I’m glad to see, however, that Seattle and Portland are the most likely to be thus afflicted.  Couldn’t happen to a nicer bunch of Marxist assholes.

And as for far-off places, these next items come from our Travel Bureau:

...not much of a secret for long, now that the newspapers have publicized it.

...[scratching Naples from the Travel Bucket List]

...not quite the “adventure” advertised in the brochure, methinks.

...and you can’t get a decent egg ‘n chips, cottage pie or Yorkshire pudding anywhere, either.

...as if cruise ships aren’t a shitty experience to start off with.

Now tourism of a different type, here’s

...actually, that’s not quite true, chica;  we’re saving space in the dungeons for your little bunch of rancid Commies and terrorsymps.

...the City of Angels having so much extra cash to throw around, probably arising from the building permit fees from Palisades.

In the Darwin Chronicles:

...the hunger for attention and clicks seemingly has no bounds.

Time for Medical Crimes:

…

And some Sex Crimes:

...just terrible, except that a.) he was captured on video doing it, and b.) confessed to the crime.
#Brazil #SpeedyJustice

...wait:  Buddhist monks have millions of dollars? 

...I’m just impressed that some guy was sitting on his car hood and wanking… for six hours straight.
#Viagra

And now it’s the turn of unlinked 

And as we travel through  :

...relax, it’s a newspaper report, ergo no tits to be seen anywhere:

So in the spirit of investigative journalism, I’ve found some better pics:

All part of the service, no need to thank me.

Finally, a bit of comedy to brighten your day.  Apparently, some keffiyeh-wearing scrote was trying to disrupt the Tour de France bike race by protesting Israel’s participation.

One of the security guards took exception.

And in more alarming news:

…

Time out for an equipment check:

...looks like those SIG 320 wunderwaffen aren’t as good as people say they are.  But Glocks?  Ugh.
#NewExpression #UncommandedDischarge

And speaking of the Great Remigration Program…

…in

...Somalis?  Muslims?  I’ll take “Somali Muslims” for $400, Alex.

...I have a better idea:  let’s drop “sanctuary laws” and increase the “mass raids”.

TRUMP DIRECTS DHS, ICE AGENTS TO PROTECT THEMSELVES FROM ASSAULTS AFTER ‘THUGS’ THROW ROCKS AT THEM 
...I’m not saying the “thugs” have been asking for it… but they have.  Related:

In Crime News:

...I’ll start celebrating when the orange jumpsuits appear, and not before.

…

...in which we play the “Guess The Race” of the mob.

...and then they tried to sell the movie to TMZ?
#Strylia

From the pages of Wokista Journal:

...only to find that the “idyllic liberal paradise” is boring and Socialist.
#New Zealand

In the Global JewHate Chronicles:

...maybe because that’s exactly what it means, you terrorsymp tart.

Time for some Darwin News:

...and finds out that the nickname is accurate.

And now some unlinked 

 

And as we hurtle down  at breakneck speed:

Dita Von Teese, 52, admits she WANTS to feel ‘objectified and sexualised’
...well, never let it be said that I refused a lady’s request: 

…#GenuinePic

And having revealed all, we leave the news.

Now it’s time for Teh Doom, so

...except the “speeding up” is measured in milliseconds, and also slowing down occasionally by the same rate because that’s how the world turns.

...note weasel word “could”, which is interchangeable with “might not”.

In Foreign News:

...heterosexual porn is unaffected, however, so there’s that.

And speaking of Loathsome Terrorist Assholes:

…

Some Worthless Political Opinions:

...given the source, it’s probably neither colossal nor a mistake.

…

...Steroidal Deportation Machine activated, and it’s about damn time.

In Crime News:

...guess it was just stolen off AG Bondi’s desk, then, because that’s where she said it was.

#FuckingLiars #CoverUp

And now it’s time for 

And on the byway known as :

…never mind MILF, she’s almost GILF:

Not that a GILF is a Bad Thing, of course.