...wait, you mean that I sold my Chevy Suburban and bought a Prius for nothing?
In
...only 25? They need to pump up those numbers or else we’ll think they’re just not trying hard enough.
...forgive me if I think the term “migrant economy” should not exist in the United States.
…
And similarly in The Great Cultural Assimilation Project© :
...of course, his motive is a total mystery to both law enforcement and the press.
#France #Unexpected
...see above.
#ThanksAngelaMerkel
...in which we play the “Guess The City” game.
#Minneapolis
In International Hunting News:
...probably a whole lot cheaper just to hire a bunch of good ol’ boys from the Appalachians to do the job.
From the Sports Pages:
...yes, this will absolutely help Nike recover market share.
#BudLiteFuckup
From the Dept. of Education:
...the word “allegedly” is in there somewhere, but we all know the truth.
...Sarah Hoyt’s Shocked Face is in danger of perishing from over-use.
Time for some 
… 
In our Almost True Headlines section:
...hey, it wouldn’t surprise me.
And as we peruse the real estate listings in 
:
...for those who don’t know, this is ol’ Charlie Sheen’s castoff:
In the first iteration of the headline, the word “dating” was used; I simply edited it to reflect the reality of the thing.
And if that doesn’t sour you on the news, nothing will.
