“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim:

“I’m a man of 35, looking for a woman to settle down with and perhaps have kids with.  I’m reasonably secure financially — as much as one can be nowadays — and I have a decent job with a good company, but I do have a few quirks that may be regarded as questionable (I enjoy going to the races, but only bet modest amounts that I can afford to lose;  I also rebuild classic cars, which does take quite a bit of time and money but I enjoy the hell out of it). 

“My problem, Dr. Kim, is that as I look around, I can’t really find any women in my target age group (24-35) who seem suitable.  Apart from the obvious losers — I think you know who I’m talking about — most women in that group seem totally unconcerned with their own prospects. A large number still live with their parents, which is a huge turn-off for me because they’re sheltered from the financial consequences of their bad habits, and I have no interest in taking over that responsibility should we ever decide to couple up.

“Even worse, I see these women on social media talking about their lists of criteria that men have to measure up to.  But when I look at these women, I wonder where the hell they get off coming up with any kind of criteria at all, considering that they are, to put it bluntly, horrible prospects who bring nothing to the party except a bad attitude and sense of entitlement.  To be frank, they need to realize that in today’s world, just having boobs and a vagina don’t count as much as they think it might, especially when they themselves may also be bringing stuff like credit card debt and student loans that they will no doubt think that their future partners will have to ‘take care of’ (i.e. pay off).  It’s even worse if they bring children, sometimes from multiple partners and expect guys to be the perfect daddy to them.

“I’m also kinda saddened by hearing them complaining that there are ‘no good men around’ when I know there are plenty — I being one of them, if you’ll excuse my  bragging — but the honest truth is more simple:  there are no good women around for guys like me to couple with or marry.

“Any advice, Dr. Kim?”

— Brick Wall, Missouri

Dear Brick:

You paint a very gloomy picture, and unfortunately I can see no flaws in your summation of your prospects.

In the old days, I might have counseled you and men like you to join a church to find like-minded mates;  but my spies tell me that even churches are no longer proper matchmaking venues because the women of which you speak have figured this out and are joining congregations, using membership thereof to establish some kind of “bona fides” to attract (and entrap) worthy young men.

I could also suggest that you take a few night classes in what’s known as “continuing education” on a topic of interest to you, to see if there might be female classmates who share your interest and can at least be counted on in that regard.  Just be aware that this too might turn out to be a minefield, because college campuses are all filled with the Wrong Sort Of Women nowadays.

I’m reminded of the old joke:

What is the secret ingredient to a happy, long-lasting marriage?
Find a woman who can take care of the household, someone who is wild in bed, and one who is financially blessed. Ensure that these three women never come face-to-face with one another.

I wish I could say something that might give you some hope;  but I can’t.  Your prospects are indeed gloomy, and there’s no easy way, no magic bullet that might make your task easier.

By the way:  what cars, exactly, do you like to restore?

—

11 comments

  1. He’s 35 and considering a female that is 24 to 35?

    I’d suggest 30 and up.

    To each their own but I personally would not want anything to do with a female in their 20’s.

    YMMV

  2. Frankly, at age 35, he’s kinda late getting to the game. I hafta ask, what is the hold up?

    Women in the 24-35 age group already have a history and lots of (mostly bad) baggage. IOW, the pickin’s are slim to none. The good ones have already been picked.

    There’s an old saying about this and it goes something like this, “When you need a woman none are available but when you have a woman they are everywhere.”, so he should “act” like he already has a woman.

    Don’t look needy. Look mostly uncaring, and focused on his goal, whatever that goal of the moment might be.

    The grocery store is a fertile hunting ground. It’s a neutral place where females feel somewhat safe. It’s a casual environment where fakeness is minimalized. The aisles are big so a conversation can occur. And because both of you are there for the same reason, buying food, maybe you can buy some food for supper that night. hint hint

    Women are all around when you aren’t looking for them.

    One more thing, your opening line is the most crucial part of the down payment in any relationship. It should be casual, unassuming, and generic – could be of equal interest to either gender. Conversation is a two way street.

    Next week will be 42 years since my wife and I got married. When we hooked up there were none of the silly distractions of today.

    I met her while sitting on the sidewalk in front of my duplex rebuilding a 4 barrel carb for my ’70 Camaro SS when she came walking up. She saw me from her apartment across the way and I had never noticed her before but she had noticed me.

  4. Good luck. Be prepared to filter through a lot of skanks on the first date.

    I met my missus at a college party. We dated for a while but her friends convinced her that I was too old for her. She was 20 I was either 25 or 26. I kept in touch with her roommate. about a year later we started dating again and have been married coming up on 24 years. Quite a few of her naysayer friends from college are already on their second or third husbands.

  6. “I also rebuild classic cars, which does take quite a bit of time and money, but I enjoy the hell out of it). ”

    Consider this statement and the fact that it takes cubic dollars and many hours to raise children to be functioning adults. You may be forced to abandon one for the other (or at least severely curtail participation.)

  7. I’m coming in late to the game on this one, and maybe being a bit older I have a different perspective on things, but has he considered checking out the latest circuit court cases for potential hotties in jail? All the advantages of picking up a foreign wife, but none of the language and cultural problems. You know they aren’t going anywhere for at least 6 months, if they are in on drug charges they will by definition be clean by the time they get out. Your contribution to their commissary will be much less than dating during that getting to know you phase. They will write and call you every day because jail is boring. The biggest problem is working the logistics of when they are released because, well, recidivism and the tendency to backslide. If they are in the demographic noted though and they have finished up a stint in jail and are clean with a guy waiting for them that’s high quality, they are ready to settle down. Your contribution to their lawyer and legal fees will be but a fraction of what you would pay for the equivalent college loan debt for a liberal college graduate. One word of caution though.. if they are in prison doing longer time, you may want to reconsider: their crime may be particularly heinous (easily checked), and they will be jaded and difficult to handle in the transition from institutionalization. Oh and there’s also the chance that they are using you.. but that is kinda true for every dating situation. Perhaps I am a bit jaded.

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