Wait a minute: is all that 
heart-healthy stuff true? Well:
...I’d give it up, but that’s just what they want me to do. Then again:
...never mind steak dinners: let’s hear it for steak breakfasts. With eggs fried in butter. Instead of cereals.
Do it for your health. No forever chemicals.
Time for the weekly 
...gonna need even more if we’re ever to reach that “20 million deportations” goal.
…and ten guesses where he came from, and how he got in. [FuckJoeBiden]
...did they scoop up that rancid bitch Ilhan Omar as well? No? Damn.
Still in Minnesoduh:
...in which we play the old “Guess The Perp’s Race” game again. And sadly, said victim was not Ilhan Omar.
Some 
:
...all together now:
In Terrorist Bastard News:
...wait: he’s not a MAGA guy? How disappointing… for the Left.
Let’s look at the Sex Offenders Registry:
...just a guess, but I’m suspecting that any other would-be rapists in that village may be thinking twice, now.
...even for the French, that might be a little extreme.
...nice to see that “Grab-A-Granny” is now a prison exercise option.
From the Dept. of Education:
...hell hath no fury like a teacher scorned.
...this is only newsworthy in that it was a male teacher doing the minor-bonking. And still in Floriduh:
...so? Can’t see the problem, here.
And for the ever-popular 
And in the third house on the right down 
:
...have we gone Full Sydney yet? Apparently not:
And that’s all the Sydney News for now.