Category: Bad News

And speaking of rancid and toxic women:

...just the kind you’d want your son to bring over for Thanksgiving, yes?  Also, keyword:  Michigan.

...that’s okay;  when you share custody, you can feed the kid steaks, meat pies and sausages all you want on those weekends.

In Lawn Awduh News:

...hell of a sentence just for shooting a cop who was already dead.  Uhhh wait a minute...

...why bother, when the fix is already in?

...that’s not quite what the original headline said, but you get my drift.

...in which, once again, we play “Guess The Race” of all the participants in this ghastly little situation.

...key word:  Florida — no wait, California.  Hadda be one of them.

In Medical News:

...wait:  gout in your cock?  What new hell is this?  And in the same vein [sic]:

...the one time I think “over and under” would be preferable to “side by side”.

From the Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© Dept.:

…

From the Dept. Of Tourism:

….funny, I thought that was every Italian city, but I haven’t been there for years.

From the Sports Desk:

...that would be me with baseball, and I’m not even a hermit.

Time for no-link INSIGNIFICA:

           

...no, I don’t understand any of that either.

This just has to be pissing off somebody somewhere (no link):

...can’t see why, myself.

And that’s the news.

…back when this stuff was funny because people knew it was tongue-in-cheek naughty instead of “hurtful” or “demeaning”.

...including, one would hope, the entire Bud Light marketing department.

...but as Kenny says:  “Meanwhile in Alaska”:

And speaking of invasions by foul creatures:

...even in Germany?  Wow.

From the Dept. of Health:

...as opposed to offering it to illegal immigrants?  I’ll take that for $400, Alex.

…

From the Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© people:

...EVERYBODY PANIC!!!  Or not, seeing as there’s no actual evidence that climate “change” can affect global sea currents.

Your Gummint At Work:

...because we don’t have enough literate citizens to do those jobs, thanks to our so-called “education” system.

...too bad it’s not because of the unexpectedly-high body count.

And in Happy Happy Joy Joy News:

...Viva Italia.

...oh yes it is.  Nobody has ever complained while having one, although I bet a few women have tried.

...actually, the most dangerous position is the one her husband catches you doing.

...back when I were a lad, all you needed was a pic of Raquel Welch and this thing called “imagination”.

From the bowels of INSIGNIFICA:

     

...anytime anyone gets sick of looking at Liz, I can always stop.

More, you say?  Why not…

On that joyous note we end the news, and not a moment too soon.

Here’s a spoonworthy target, in Lawn Awduh:

...the dirty rozzers. How dare they act like typical randy young men?

Problem is, a spoon-smack on the tip of the willie may well be a good idea to errr subdue the rampant male.  But what if the aggressor is a womyn?

From the Dept. of Education:

...I’m not sure that teaching the boy to scream “Oh god oh god oh god!” is acceptable religious instruction, but then I ‘m just an old atheist.

...LOL wait till they get to read Titus Andronicus.  “Mass suicide” would be my prediction.

...and yet they’re going to vote him back into office at the next election.  And speaking of the uneducated:

...also that wolves can’t hunt whales, White Men can’t jump, and Africans can’t govern.

From the Dept. of Global Warming Climate Cooling Change©:

...next thing, they’ll be telling us that electric cars are a waste of time.  Believe The Science.

...key word:  Germany.

...I think you’re a little late with the warning there, Mikey.

From the Dept. of Womyns’ Sport:

...and if the U.S. coach had any balls [sic], these ungrateful hussies would have been pulled off the team and sent straight back to… Cuba.  And speaking of Cuba:

...perhaps if the MassGuv were to lead the way and house a few dozen illegals in the Governor’s mansion…? 

In Showbiz News:

…

...perhaps if they’d stuck with just one, they might have got away with it.

And in INSIGNIFICA:

       

Finally, if we are to Believe The Science!, then:

Science’s loss is our gain, I suppose.

And speaking of the above, Out Of Africa:

...any Seffrican company that invites guests and does not provide armed security should be sued into oblivion.

From our Furrin News Desk:

...the other 25% being foreigners.

...to be followed by a burning of the Koran outside the Saudi embassy.  No? 

...and if that doesn’t work, they’ll just beg harder.

...wait till you see which one.  Jeremy Clarkson isn’t allowed to build a car park on his own farm, but in London...

In the Political News Dept.:

...headline may have been edited a little, for reasons of clarity.

...nothing, even if she were elected, which she won’t be.  No odds are being offered.

And in the tiny Good News For A Change Dept.:

...predicted number of Texas school shootings in the future:  somewhat less than in the past.

Celebrity News:

…

In the Dept. Of Medicine:

...try as I may, I can find absolutely nothing wrong with this.

Then, in (link-free) INSIGNIFICA:

 

...isn’t that just...inflation?

...I know we’ve seen this totty before, but some things deserve more exposure, yes?

 

Not the worst way to end the news…

Speaking of close shaves:

...okay, which one of you didn’t return Sarah Hoyt’s Shocked Face?  And lest you think this is a U.S.-only thing:

...of course you have, you slimy little shit.

Still on the topic of Gummint skullduggery:

...wait, they weren’t on c.c.?

...”the common defense” treaty clause notwithstanding?  Again, I am astonished that someone with so little foreign affairs intelligence was once U.S. ambassador to the United Nations.

Some Crime News:

...and a nation cheers.

…and: 
...I assume both were the Frigidaire 247 “Jeffrey Dahmer” model.

And in Global Warming Climate Cooling Change© News:

...gosh, who could have seen this coming? — well, apart from any thinking human being, that is.

From the Dept. Of Injustice:

...if this evil, murderous bitch were murdered in the prison parking lot within minutes of release, I’d throw a party.

...in other news: scorpion stings frog.

...and if you’re thinking “swapsies?”, I know:  I’m wondering the same thing.  They all look a little too All-American Christianist, judging by the pic;  but nowadays, who knows?

...don’t tell us;  tell that foul Paltrow mountebank.

And in still more INSIGNIFICA:

...unless she had really bad sex when she was (a lot) younger, I bet it isn’t.  But that’s not as stomach-churning as this one:

...just kill me now.  Foul Scandi slut.

But some welcome news, for a change, in Women’s Sports:

...and who she, this Giulia Gwinn?

And not in uniform:

Lovely.  I’m really glad she’s not following the Slut Career Path.

Speaking of tranquilized women:

...you had me at “zodiac zealots” — a more polite way to term “superstitious morons”.  And speaking of idiots:

...animal lovers:  no helping them.

...not to mention all those “teens” on the street where she lives in NYfC.

...yeah, how dare they.  And speaking of the Constitution:

...so lemme see:  all-White golf clubs (for example) are Constitutionally protected?  Got it.

It’s the Chicago Way:

...I would suggest that the bonus-holers who put them there are the real trash, but I’m just a man so what do I know?

...adds meaning to the term “Officer Friendly”, dunnit?  Although it must be said that being forced to give a government agent a blowjob is very good training for future citizens.

More Lawn Order News:

...my guess is that his Spanish is going to improve, big time.

...just another example of that famous “British Tolerance”.

...and nobody saw this coming, of course.  [/sarc]

And in INSIGNIFICA:

…

Finally, in Sporting News:

...have to say, I didn’t see it either:

“Who she?”  you ask.  No idea, but here’s some more of her:

Quite sporty.  And that’s it for the news.