I had to chuckle at this little piece of advice for dealing with this particular issue:
There’s even a handy-dandy little list:
It is, as they say, to laugh.
As I’ve stated so often before, seagulls don’t respond to defensive postures such as the above: the little fuckers will sometimes attack you for fun, not just for food. So ignore all the above, non-violent measures.
As with most animals, the best defense is attack. Lo and behold Kim’s Ultimate Anti-Seagull Device (which I describe more fully here):
Instructions for use: if you’re going into seagull territory — which is just about anywhere there’s a large body of water — carry one of these. When you see one of these airborne rats approaching, wait till it’s in range, then take a full swing at it; don’t just bat it away, you want to inflict massive pain on the fucker or else it will just come back for more. In my experience, you’ll only have to do this twice or three times before the other airborne rats will get the message and leave you alone. The goal is to leave the bird flailing around on the ground with broken limbs (wings, legs or neck), making an awful ruckus that will frighten others of its ilk away.
Don’t get put off by the anguished squeals of any bird-lovers in the scene because they’re irrelevant to your problem. Just whale away at these rodents (the birds, not the bird-lovers, but be my guest). Then relax and enjoy your snack. When you leave the area, feel free to kick the carcasses out of the way.
Remember: a tennis racquet is sports equipment, not a weapon. Just remember to rinse the blood and feathers off the thing when you get home.
“Never feed them for fun, as this encourages bad behavior”
Should have sent this simple and 100 % accurate advice to Democrats and RINO’s.
For too long the USA has fed two legged animals who illegally invaded the country looking for free shit.
STOP THE HAND OUTS!
Also, like seagulls, many illegal immigrants shit on the very Americans who feed them too.
# The only free thing is a free one way trip home
# Fuck freeloaders
Indeed. Most eloquent–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GaklEq36_dk
Kim,
Instead of using a regular old fashioned tennis racket, would it be better to use one of those rackets that you insert batteries into that electronically shocks whatever you hit with the racket?
They are marketed as being deigned for euthanizing flies, bugs and insects but this doodad might work wonders on the flying aggressive panhandlers.
Those are weapons. Might not work to your advantage,
why wouldn’t you leave the racquet covered in marks of your past victories? Serves as a reminder to the other sky rats circling above
Pro tip:
Always use synthetic strings on your bird racquet.
Gut strings will rot from the blood caught between the strings, and washing them with water will cause them to stretch if not immediately and carefully dried. Also, the nylon strings will last longer since you’ll be stringing your racquet fairly tight…you don’t need to get much spin on the birds, but you do want to have the full power of your forehand available.
It’s also considered impolite to toss the carcasses into the air and “serve” them back to the flock. Once they’ve hit the ground one simply leaves them there to determine if they are “in” or “out” of the (food) court.
Unfortunately it’s illegal to kill seagulls. I recall years ago Dave Winfield was warming up in the outfield and got a seagull with a thrown baseball, there was talk of charging him.
So while you may get away with batting a couple away that are annoying you, actually maiming/killing a couple, in public, will bring unwanted attention unless you vacate the area right away, thus wasting the effort of keeping the others away.
Mark D
It’s “illegal” to do many things. That doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be done.
No argument, but if I’m going to jail for beating something with a tennis racket, I’d prefer a politician.
Alka-Seltzer.
Die in agony filthy flying rats.
That goes for the filth “protecting” them, too. >:-[
this brings memories……
Growing up in SoCal, within easy flight distance to the shore (10-15 miles), and attending a HS with an outdoor dining area, seagulls were an everyday experience (well, there were the half-dozen rainy days per year) at lunch. Oh, what fun we had….
First, is that Billy Joel?
Second, just keep a couple of Alka-Seltzers in your pocket. 😉