Tag: Humor

Sponsored by:

Today, the news may not be exactly what it seems, as we take some of the above.

…no comment necessary, except:

…great moments in good timing.

…prison wardens not available for comment.

…and about time, too.

…like we didn’t already know that.

…I know I did.

…well, I thought it was him, and “Selma” was nowhere to be found.

…glug, glug:

…how much worse can he possibly make the situation?  Magic 8-ball:  “Lots worse.”

…“let them catch the bus”.

And now is time for INSIGNIFICA, which are actual headlines:

     

And:

…hell, never mind her accent.  She has some offsetting qualities:

News over.  Next time, a return to the normal format.

Brought to you by:

And speaking of which, here’s a Senator:

…hey Lindsey ol’ pal:  he’s dead, and you don’t have to kiss his ass anymore.

…oh, FOF.  (That stands for “Free Our Faces”, not “Fuck Off, Fauci”.  Promise.)

…which is their right.  As is our right to… you know the rest.

…and pic of the day goes to: 

…of course, no “gender favoritism” there, oh no.

…as all Boston-area muggers and rapists cheer.

…Africa wins again.

…thank gawd it’s to Brit TV and not ours.

…and along comes some “expert” to tell us not to do something everyone can adapt to.  Just fuck off.

…actually, we don’t believe anything he says, but okay.

…aaannnnnd: nobody cares.

Now is the time for link-free INSIGNIFICA:

   

…and indeed she is:

…as the countdown to her next Train Smash begins…

Today’s Roundup is brought to you by the fine folks at:

Endorsed by the late Linda Lovelace, no less.  Annnnnnd…  on with the news, starting with the furriners…

…sell it somewhere else, Mick;  we’re not gonna buy it.  And still wearing of the green:

…because Greens hate all humanity, anyway.

…a Catholic cardinal, of course.

…it’s going to fail. You heard it here first.

…seeing as Syria is no longer a war zone?  That’s the excuse, anyway;  the Danes are just sick of all that imported Muslim crap.

Back home, the insanity continues:

…well yeah, they’ve been doing that since Woodrow Wilson’s administration.

…never was.  See all entries under the Gratuitous Chick Pics.

…his defense:  just doing his bit to end the homeless problem.

…racist fucker.  Oh wait:

But as we all know, Blacks cannot be racists.  So Jamal is just a common-or-garden street thug.

…I think Mitt’s less relevant to the GOP now than Bob Dole, and Dole’s dead.

…you mean California, New York and Illinois are getting fucked by their own anti-business policies?  NO!

And now, INSIGNIFICA:

   

Finally, speaking of newspeople and journos:  I think we are all admirers of Marina Ovsyannikova, the blonde totty who crashed a Russki TV news program with an anti-war poster:

I think she should be offered political asylum, and given a job at Fox News.  She certainly has the boobs  qualifications:

 

…and as seen here in a pic with her lawyer:

(I mean, she can barely speak English, but that never stopped Dagen McDowell.)

That, or a centerfold.

…is brought to you by:

So let’s start slurping.

…

…thus denying him a lucrative career at Pornhub in the future.

As for Climate Changery:

…just wait till someone drops a rocket on your watermelons, dude.  And:

…nah.  It all grows back eventually.  Just not the people.

From the Short Bus Department:

…oooh, that’s going to end the Ukranian invasion, eh?

And bringing Max Stupid  back home:

…neither you nor the TexGov has that much money, snowflake.

…her own younger son having let his chopper license expire while he was off shagging teenagers on islands.

…I had no idea that the Royal Mail employs Harvard MBAs.

Dept. of No Fucks Given:

  

And more from Hollyweird:

…not that anyone’s going to watch the Oscar wankfest this year, anyway.

And an extended, no-link INSIGNIFICA:
     

…note for Murkins:  27 stone = 27×14 = 378 lbs.

Here’s someone named Ellie Bamber (nope, no idea, sorry) who doesn’t weigh 378lbs… in fact, she looks like she barely weighs 73lbs.

 

And that’s all the news that’s fit to summarize.