Category: Friday Feature

Ranked in ascending order of helplessness/need:

• While in lion / grizzly / snake-infested countryside
• During a school shooting
• While driving through any urban paradise featuring public housing
• Driving along any highway, road or street in Johannesburg
• When you’re the only person in the room not holding one

Your suggestions in Comments.

P.S.  I see I forgot to post a 5 Worst list last Friday.  Sorry.

Ranked in ascending order of frightfulness:

• All your polo ponies get colic on the day before the club championship
• Your Bentley mechanic is away on vacation right when the Mulsanne needs a service
• Left the gold Breitling on the yacht;  are forced to wear the oh-so-common steel Rolex to the White House dinner instead
• Your company’s stock drops 2%, causing your net worth to plunge to a paltry $5 billion

And the absolute worst problem any rich man could have:

• You’re married to Wendi Deng.

Further woeful suggestions in Comments.

Ranked in ascending order of bad sportsmanship:

• “Neener!  Neener!”
• “I guess paying off the referee didn’t help you that much, did it?”
• “Hey, never mind… after all, your side had the prettier uniforms!”
• “Imagine what would have happened if I’d played you right-handed!”
• “Yeah, yours was the moral victory. And that moral is:  in future, don’t play against someone so much better than you! “

Your suggestions in Comments;  the meaner the better.