And speaking of huge dicks:
...by which he means people with names like “Trump”, “Orban” and “Meloni”.
From the Department of the Blindingly Obvious:
...in other breaking news, Allied landings in Normandy have been successful. Also:
...not only that, it appears as though Lindbergh made it across the Atlantic.
...rise in crime rate beginning in 3…2…1...
...forget it, Jake. It’s Houstontown.
In Medical News:
More medical news:
...and you’ll never guess the guy’s name.
...reminding people why Reagan and Thatcher were so popular for breaking the power of the unions.
...of course, anyone who drinks tea with a ribeye and salad deserves to die more painfully than from iron deficiency.
...guess he drank tea with his 5lbs of daily steak.
...that’s going to work about as well as their gun ban.
And once more unto the linkless breach known as 
...in the dictionary under “Overkill” will be her photo.
...nope, no bells are ringing over here; anyone else?
And sauntering down 
we see:
...ah yes, the former Disney princess who introduced us to teenage tits is at it again:
...but wait! there’s more!
And on that knee-knocking note, we end the news.
