This is an unusually level-headed look at drinking in moderation, and I for one applaud it. A sample:
For four years I was teetotal and socializing was always a pain. At parties, small talk was so small, I never felt that anything ever connected, or that there was an actual point to talking. It was so superficial – the weather, my journey, my clothes, the articles I’d just written.
It’s why at a work event not long ago, instead of asking for my usual lemonade, I grabbed a glass of Prosecco from the bar. For a moment I imagined a bolt of lightning would come down from the sky. Was I really going to throw away four years of sobriety? And for what? Because I was… bored?
Well, yes I was. And immediately I felt bonded to this room of relative strangers. Not in a creepy way. Just in a way that made it easier for me to chat to them. It was fun.
And that’s what people miss about the whole booze thing. Not for nothing is booze called a social lubricant: it makes people less inhibited, more relaxed, and to be frank, more fun to be with. But before I go any further, I’m going to make a definitive statement about the above.
The key phrase is: in moderation.
The problem is that when it comes to booze, most people can’t do moderation — and this is particularly so when it comes to drinking beer in Britishland (an imperial pint is a lot of booze) and drinking short drinks (spirits) in the U.S., where spirits are free-handed out of the bottle by bartenders, making the drinks far too strong.
Unless you’re a fool or addict, the object of drinking booze is not to get pass-out drunk; it’s to release some of those social inhibitions, to lower the social guards people put up in self defense, and quite frankly, to get a little “buzz” on — because that buzz is really, really pleasurable.
The key, speaking as one who was once a serious boozer and is now a lot less so, is drinking just enough to get that buzz and maintain it. In my considerable experience, it means that one needs to drink a smaller glass of beer — the much- derided “half-pint” in the U.K. — and to drink it in the same time as one might take to drink a full pint, i.e. more slowly. For spirits, it means not accepting the overly-generous pour of the bartender, but watering the drink down with a mixer or water. (If I order a spirit like a G&T at a bar in the U.S., I order the gin straight, and request a three-quarter-filled glass of tonic plus ice on the side — i.e. in a different glass — and pour half the gin into the tonic to treat that as my drink. Then when that is finished, I order another glass of tonic, and pour the remainder of the gin into that — two drinks for the price of one, and as the evening goes on, I will end up drinking half of what a regular person would.)
And before I hear people saying that the drink tastes “weak” or “watery”, let me say that this is precisely the point.
Let’s be honest, for once. Most booze tastes like shit. Remember that time long ago when, after watching your dad or whoever drink beer with all the pleasure in the world, having your first beer and discovering what it actually tasted like? Horrible, wasn’t it?
Of course, the more you drink, the more the taste of booze is acquired; and as one gets older, one’s palate becomes more sophisticated, which is why we no longer eat canned Vienna sausages, “blue-box” mac ‘n cheese and drink sugary Kool-Aid. (And if you still enjoy that stuff, I don’t want to hear about it.)
I love booze. I love the taste of it, I love the way it makes me feel and I love the way it makes other people feel (if they’re drinking like I’m drinking); but I’m also extremely wary of the perils of over-indulgence — the consequence of a.) becoming an adult and b.) becoming, like the author of the above piece, less able to deal with the hangovers that follow said over-indulgence.
As I’ve said many times before, I can’t drink by myself and never have been able to. Booze is a social lubricant, and if you need a social lubricant when you’re on your own, you’re in trouble. And as Anniki Somerville ends her article:
At one party I sit next to a friend and she whispers to me: ‘You’ve changed. I feel like you’re more on my level again.’ And that is what having a couple of drinks can do. Get everyone on the same level so they can connect.
That’s what my four years of sobriety taught me: so long as you’re keeping to guidelines, a glass of wine can be part of the solution to life’s stresses, not the cause of them.
Precisely.
“Let’s be honest, for once. Most booze tastes like shit.”
Exactly why I don’t drink alcohol. Can’t stand the taste. Never been drunk in my entire life.
I like coffee, tea (iced or hot for both coffee and tea), and some sodas (Pepsi not Coke for sugar soda, for Diet Coke is ok). raspberry and Cranberry ginger ale.
Alcohol to me is dirty water.
To each their own I don’t give a shit if others drink, bottoms up just please don’t drink and drive.
YMMV
Coffee is nasty and bitter for the first couple drinks too, and then starts to taste good for exactly the same reason as booze. “Intoxication”. Although with coffee that is in the form of caffeine which triggers dopamine and binds with adenosine receptors.
This is why so many people drink it with cream, sugar, both, or whatever it is they do at Starbucks.
Ah yes, the elusive goal of every alcoholic – to drink like a gentleman. I was able to do it until I wasn’t. A year in the unenjoyment line at 51 started me down the dark path. While I never went to jail, I built one in my garage – my drinking spot. I can’t quite pin down when the train left the station, but what started as a sentimental steam engine ride turned into a runaway Japanese Maglev. A “couple” after work ended up 3+ handles per week, with a “water bottle” full of vodka in the work freezer. I am lucky – I can have an NA beer (thankfully, those have improved over the years) without awakening the demon. I just can’t ever forget the dip switch in my brain for moderation has been clicked to OFF.
For those who can – enjoy a couple for me.
Kim, you’re the only person I have heard say this: “Let’s be honest, for once. Most booze tastes like shit.”, except for me.
Yes, the first time I tasted beer was disappointing. Even more so with bubbly, sweet, fruity champagne. I learned how to drink long and hard in the army 1974-1978 in Germany and then for many years after I got out. When I got married in 1984 my friends stopped coming around as much and my drinking slacked off. I started my architecture biz in 1986 and the drinking dropped off completely and stayed off for 20+ years.
In the past 10 years I have taken up drinking again and I’m not a snob about it. Mostly grocery store beers (Lite, Hamm’s, etc.) and low end hard stuff (Fireball, Jim Beam, etc.)
Several times a week I sit on the front porch and sip my suds or juice and watch the wildlife here in ruralville and ponder the worlds issues and some of my own and sometimes my wife of 40 years and I converse. I drink because I like the effect and not for the social value. Been many years since I drank alcohol with other people. My wife has never drank alcohol but she tasted wine once and didn’t like it.
With beer, I can’t drink enough to hit the light buzz zone without either constantly hitting the bathroom to piss, or else my GERDS kicks in and my acid reflux takes over. My beer drinking pretty much stopped about 5 years ago, I might have a single every now and then (like after mowing the yard), but nothing social and never more than one.
With whiskey, I have a pretty decent track record of hitting the zone and staying there. I don’t mix my drinks, whiskey and ice only, letting the ice melt some to knock the kick down a little. And then sip, very slowly. I pour a double shot and then nurse it for 30-45 minutes. Then another, then another. As long as I stick to that schedule I stay in the zone most of the evening. One drink about every 45 minutes.
But that’s drinking by myself or with the wife. Socially, you gotta contend with the people who egg you on, who shout out “finish that real quick and I’ll order another round”, etc. and so forth. That’s the road to ruin for trying to maintain the casual buzz. So I try to avoid social drinking, and well social anything, for that matter.
Please let me start by saying I’m not here to pass judgement on anyone. If you choose to drink or not, it’s your choice.
About me: I am mid-70s. I am also 1401 days since I’ve had a drink. it’s the longest I’ve been sober since I was a sophomore in high school. As jrc905 says, the goal is to “drink like a gentleman”. Over the years, most of the times I attempted that, I failed miserably, usually ending up the topic of people’s conversations until the next time I tried to drink like a gentleman.
So, I gave it up. Not drinking, social drinking. I found I could drink just as much alone as I ever did at social events or in bars. It was less expensive buying my own bottle and a lot safer than getting mouthy in a bar where other drinkers might take exception to my antics. People almost never saw me drunk, but I was drunk every day. Nobody to blame but myself. I bought the booze. I poured the booze. I drank the booze.
As I said, most folks never knew how much I was drinking, and these days, few know that I’ve quit. What they don’t know is just how close I came to killing myself with booze. 1402 days ago, at the height of my daily bender, it occurred to me just how close I was to a terrible end., and I was THAT close!
At first, it was hard not drinking. Sobriety is a very scary place after drinking for more years than you can remember. I tried to be sober for “just one day.” And that’s what I’m still doing. Just one day.
As I said at the start, I’m not here to judge anybody. But if you’re tired of what alcohol is doing to your life, talk to a friend or your doctor about it. Go to a meeting. Go to lots of meetings. Find a sponsor. As scary as being sober might look to you, your life will get better when you get sober.
1187 days for me. Me – I woke up.. check that, came out of a blackout in the waiting room of an ER with no recollection of how I got there. Wife had moved back home to Chicago to caregive for her elderly parents, so she had NO idea how bad I was (I’d play nice on weekends with her. Shak, but nice). I was a lucky “lightning bolt” case – when I woke up the next morning “it” was gone. That Saturday morning, I did 4 things – called my boss, admitted to my wife, found a lawyer, then found a meeting I could walk to. Also contacted a niece with 8 yrs – she played temp sponsor for first month or so. Not surprising (IYKYK), timing for her was perfect as she was getting crispy herself, helping me probably helped her more.
I believe it was Col. Jeff Cooper who opined that the correct number of alcoholic drinks was two , unless someone else was buying.
I’ve tended to follow that advice especially if a nice meal is included. Your mileage may vary
I’m a complete introvert. I don’t like being part of a room full of other people, and have zero desire to be socially lubricated. I have been drunk twice in my life, both times in the 1980s, and I never chose to repeat the exercise again after the second time.
I dislike most hard liquor, but do I have a substantial collection of high-end single malt Scotch variants, and I will have one or two typical pours in a Glencairn glass on a night I choose to partake. Always after supper, and usually before retiring for the night. So for me it’s about the taste of the whisky, and the warmth and sensation it delivers but not the alcohol. I do enjoy a Guinness or a Coors Banquet a couple of times a month along with a cigar, but that’s about it in the hooch department for me.
Back when I was doing DOD upgrades on USN ships(~40 years ago), my crew always invited me out with them after work ’cause they all knew I would do one Morgan and coke in a tall glass and just straight coke after that one; so they always had a DD. Currently keep a bottle of Cpt. Morgan 100* in the reefer for when I have trouble getting to sleep. A shot with coke will calm the brain in about 15 min. Same bottle’s been in the reefer for about 10 years now.
some great quotes about booze
I drink to make people seem interesting
The problem with the world is that everyone is a couple of drinks behind
Moderation indeed.
Why, there is nary a scintilla of syllables on the topic of breakfast gin.
Disappointed, I am…..
My first beer was memorable. We were visiting my Mom’s sister and BIL in Minnesota in the late 60’s. I was 12, about to turn 13. My aunt and uncle ran an HVAC repair business from their home and usually ate lunch there together and they ALWAYS had a couple of Grain Belts or MeisterBraus for lunch. I badgered my uncle for a taste long enough that my Mom said, “you can have one, but you have to drink it all”, thinking that might scare me off. As if. Took a sip, loved it and have loved it ever since. That was 54 years ago. Still, I can’t recall a single time I had more than 3 beers in a sitting, ever. And I was in the Navy for 38 years. I’ll drink maybe a 12-pack over the course of a summer, but the rest of the year is almost always beer free (except when eating Mexican food or playing poker).
My 68th birthday is next month. I predict a steak au poivre dinner with a glass of shiraz, maybe two, and possibly a glass of port for dessert.
The very first beer I had was great. I was a little kid at a wake and was with my dad as he drank beer with my uncles, I think I bugged my dad for some. I remember him saying to his brother “ he wont like it”, and handed me a can half full of beer. I guzzled it down and wanted more. To me beer, sweeter wine and hard liquor have always tasted good. By the time I was 24 I had a serious problem, my marriage was a mess and my employer ( the Air Force) was getting tired of my silliness. I took a hard look at my life, recognized that I was unable to moderate my drinking and quit completely. That was 1973 and I’ve never looked back. On hot days working or playing outside I think a beer would be nice, pop is too sweet, but unsweetened tea serves me well. Coincidently my dad had his epiphany and quit drinking at the same time. When I quit drinking, my sons were 4 and 2 and have no recollection of my drinking, and their mother didnt drink, yet both of them went through substance abuse issues.
I kind of fall into the same rut too. Off or On. I love beer, especially IPA’s (no man bun), but one turns into eight pretty quickly with me. Same with liquor, which generally tastes like shit, but still I go back.
If I’m at a restaurant the cost of said drinks usually keeps my tally within reason. At home, not so much.
I just had to get to the point where I had to hit the off switch. I also got tired of waking up feeling like hell, and I looked at the cost of a 5th, and told myself, “You’re paying a lot of $$$ to feel like shit.” And walked out.
As far as the conversational lubricant, yeah, but given my mouth and my mind, its better to keep the gate closed, locked, & gurarded the whole time. My inhibitions keep me safe, or at least employed.