Category: Funny Stuff

Incomprehensible Witch

Freaks & Loonies, Seen On Campus

Over at Taki’s place, Ted Dalrymple takes aim (metaphorically speaking;  he’s a Brit) at some total loony university professor:

Professor MacCormack’s book defeated me, not only sapping my will to read further but inducing a state almost of catatonia.  It certainly cured me, at least temporarily, of my obsessional desire to finish any book that I have started.  Her style made  The Critique of Pure Reason  seem as light and witty as  The Importance of Being Earnest.  She appears to think that the English plural of manifesto is manifesti rather than manifestos;  I admit that it conjured up in my mind a new Italian dish, gnocchi manifesti.
Open the book at any page and you will find passages that startle by their polysyllabic meaninglessness combined with the utmost crudity.  By chance, I opened the book to page 144 and my eye fell on the following:

The multiplicity of becoming-cunt as an assemblage reassembles the tensors upon which it expresses force and by which force is expressed upon its various planes and dimensions.

And Dalrymple notes:

I have known deteriorated schizophrenic patients to speak more sensibly and coherently than this.

No kidding.  Let’s take a look at this paragon of literacy, shall we?

…and not in drag:  

This Oz bint is, and I quote:  “a professor of continental philosophy at Anglia Ruskin University in Cambridge, England” (whatever “continental philosophy” may be).  Also, Anglia Ruskin University is not part of Cambridge University, but a separate school with campuses scattered across several towns, Cambridge being but one of them.

One wonders what John Ruskin (after whom it’s named) would think of this example of its academic excellence.

 

Foreign Darwinism

Mocking Furriners

What the title means is what happens when tourists travel to a foreign country and then act stupidly — usually with the excuse “But it isn’t a problem back home!” — and are then astonished when they’re arrested, abused or have similar bad things happen to them.  Here’s an excellent example of such stupidity:

Police in Dubai arrested a group of people for public debauchery over a widely-shared video showing naked women posing on a balcony in the city.
Violations of the public decency law in the United Arab Emirates, including for nudity and other ‘lewd behaviour’, carry penalties of up to six months in prison and a 5,000 dirham (£983) fine.
The sharing of pornographic material is also punishable with prison time and a fine of up to 500,000 dirhams under the country’s laws, which are based on Islamic law, or Shariah.

I know, I know;  the airwaves and newspapers are going to be full of cries such as “How ancient and barbaric are their laws!” along with excuses such as “They were only having a little fun!”

Yeah, ancient and barbaric they may be, but let us not think for a moment that these silly tarts didn’t know that what they were doing was illegal in the country they were visiting — I’m willing to bet that this was part of the allure of acting like this — and now they’re going to discover exactly what happens to “whores” and the “debauched” in the oh-so-enlightened UAE, with their swanky hotels, huge shopping malls and international airport.

The “Darwinism” I refer to in the title doesn’t mean Darwinism taken to its extreme, of course.  That’s what happens in little garden spots such as Southeast Asia, where drug smugglers face the death penalty.  By comparison, this is small potatoes:

I would have little problem with this bunch of idiots getting a few light lashes with a cane — a fairly common punishment in those parts for that kind of behavior.  I’m not suggesting this particular punishment, of course, but all in all, it could be worse.

Take it from someone who knows:  after a while, your ass stops tingling after a caning — and given the choice, I’d gladly take that over six months’ imprisonment in an Arab jail.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

Today, it’s our special Vegetarian Edition:

 

And if get excited by these vegetables, you need help:

 

That’s enough of that filth.  Time for something more wholesome:

And finally, a fruitarian I could get behind, so to speak:

Bonus prize for guessing the band’s name… no?  Here they are.

3 Inexplicable Things About Female Interior Design

3 Inexplicable Things

Continuing our series of stuff that makes you scratch your head, we come upon the following:

  • Pillows, dozens of.  Why do women insist on piling pillows and cushions onto beds and couches when they serve absolutely no purpose?  FFS, it’s come to the point when before getting into bed or sitting on a couch, you first have to toss half a dozen extraneous pillows or cushions onto the floor, like you’re uncovering layers of sediment in a geological study.  (A sub-segment of this is women who put a hundred teddy bears on their bed — are we still seven years old?)
  • Wall tattoos.  You know what I’m talking about:  signs that portray utterly banal shit like “Be Joyful Today” or “Happiness Is A Choice”.  The most extreme exponent of this awful trait is Joanna Gaines of Fixer Upper  fame.  She’ll do a decent job of decorating a room, and then add some bullshit about “Fall In Love With Life”, just to undo the whole thing.
  • Having a “tidy” kitchen.  Meaning that all small appliances and such have to be dragged out of a cupboard somewhere, plugged in and used, then put away again.  I can understand this if it’s not something you use every day, but stuff like coffee machines, toasters and kettles too?  And nothing repeat nothing would drive me crazier than having to scratch around for a fucking breadboard every time I felt like a sandwich or some toast.  Whenever I see one of those kitchens that is spotlessly clean, immaculate, and empty with only a bowl of fruit on a counter, I think it reveals a character flaw on the part of the woman of the house.

Feel free to add your pet designing peeves, in Comments.