Innuendo, Death Of

The Brit version of our “dollar stores” (everything for a dollar) is named “Poundland”, and every year they spice up their Christmas commercials with something a little more daring.  This year was no exception:

Needless to say, the Perpetually Offended raced to the barricades, and the usual bullshit followed.

Now it’s my turn to be offended.  I happen to love using sexual banter, innuendo and double entendre  in my everyday speech.  I think sex is the spice of life, it’s certainly the spice of conversation, and as long as you don’t get crude and crass about it, it serves as both mental gymnastics and flirting.

I remember once having lunch with a coworker who happened to be an extraordinarily-beautiful woman — I mean, imagine a face like Monroe and a body like vintage Nigella, and you’re getting close.  As it happened, we decided to have dessert, and ordered:  she a strawberry sundae and I, a banana split.  When the dishes arrived, we both made a face of distaste.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.
She gestured at the maraschino sitting atop the sundae, and said, “I hate cherries.”  Then she asked, “And what’s wrong with yours?”
I pointed at the chopped nuts scattered all over the banana split, and said, “Ugh.”  (I hate mixing crunchy with soft textures in my food.)
Then I said, “Well, I’ll tell you what we can do.”
“What?”
“If you eat my nuts, I’ll pop your cherry.”

She laughed till the tears ran down her cheeks, then threw the cherry at me, still laughing.

I should point out that this incident took place in the early 1980s, when one could say stuff like this and not get arrested for aggravated patriarchy or whatever they call it these days.  Nowadays, of course, she’d complain to HR and I’d get crucified, lose my job and never be able to find work again.

I miss the old days.  God, I miss the old days.

Oh, and as for the story which introduced this post:  as much as I enjoy the occasional finger, I don’t really care much for the Cadbury’s version.

Goat A Yell, Snowflake

Bloody hell, I wish this tiresome generation of wokey Millennials would just stick to sucking on Tide pods and quit whining about everything that was invented before they were born.

A student has slammed classic Disney films for being ‘horrendously outdated and offensive’, claiming that the Jungle Book character King Louie is racist and that many of the animations have ‘not aged well’.
Lauren Robertson re-watched 11 Disney favourites – accusing most of them of ‘portraying racist and exaggerated stereotypes’.
The student, who studies languages at Aberdeen University, branded films such as Dumbo, The Lady and the Tramp and The Little Mermaid as ‘dodgy’.

And if you have the stomach to follow the link, you’ll see from her pictures that she has the insufferably smug expression of the Terminally Righteous.

All this is of a piece with those fools who want to ban Twain’s Huckleberry Finn  just because it contains the word nigger, little realizing that despite the frequent use of the word, Twain’s masterpiece rearranged the entire way that 19th-century America looked at race.  In fact, Twain himself probably did more to improve race relations in this country than any two of today’s race hustlers (such as Jesse Jackson and that idiot, the late Elijah Cummings).

As for that little Scottish snowflake who needs a “safe space” to escape the evils of old Disney cartoons, I wish she’d just crawl into that safe space — preferably a tiny closet — and die there.

Couple Bugs There

Let’s hear it for the Surveillance Society:

Privacy advocates used Amazon’s facial recognition to scan thousands of random faces around Capitol Hill in Washington DC to highlight the dangers of this technology’s surveillance capabilities.
While walking around, the team found the facial recognition successfully identified a congressman, but also claimed to spot Roy Orbison – an American singer who died in 1988.
The demonstration was a message to Congress to ban the technology, as there’s no law preventing people from scanning your face without your consent anytime you step out in public.

Hey, I’m pretty sure that ol’ Roy did a few regrettable things in his lifetime (bonked underage groupies, etc.) so now that the gummint has found evidence of his “existence”, they can do a little retroactive post-mortem prosecution.  I’ve seen worse.

What I wanted to see was that the software identified someone who was provably somewhere else at the time — so that in times to come when this bullshit is used by the cops to break an alibi, the evidence can get tossed out of court.

My Style

As Longtime Readers are fully aware, I loathe Modernist architecture and interior design with something approaching destructive impulse (a polite way of saying that of I could get away with it, I’d pay Muslim assholes to fly empty airliners into all of them).  Lest we forget, here are a couple of examples of same:

So, you may ask, what do you propose in modernism’s stead?  Well, if we go according to the precept that “architecture doesn’t have to  suck”, we could do with more of these:

…and for the interior design, more of these:

The above two pictures, by the way, are of an AirBnB apartment in Edinburgh (one of my favorite cities in the whole world), where I will most certainly be staying the next time New Wife and I pop Over There.

Here’s another example of an interior taken not a million miles away from a certain country house in England’s South West, where I have stayed before:

…and where we will doubtless stay again when we venture into Hardy Country.

Yes, I’m hopelessly old-fashioned and so (to the surprise of precisely nobody) is New Wife.  Your opinion may vary from ours in that you prefer the top two pictures;  but if so, you suck and so does your ghastly Bauhaus  architecture.

Unreality

Amidst this whole LGBTOSTFU nonsense, I would have thought that certain biological manifestations were pretty much set in stone, so to speak — such as women’s menstrual periods.  Apparently not:

Transgender lobby forces sanitary towel-maker Always to ditch Venus logo from its products

Why?

…the decision [was made]  by makers Procter & Gamble (P&G) to kowtow to trans activists who were born female and still use sanitary products.

So let’s get this straight (ahem): someone born a woman who “transitions” into a man will get offended by the Venus logo?  Because gawd forbid a dude should get his eyes crossed by having to use a sanitary towel with a drawing  on its label?

After I stopped laughing, I decided on the following policy.

As far as I’m concerned, if you still have a penis, you’re a man, no matter what the rest of your body looks like.  (That means you, Caitlin Bruce Jenner, even if you were voted Woman of the Year by some morons.)  And if you call yourself Macho Man, feel like a man (whatever that means) but still have a functioning vagina needing tampons etc., you’re still a woman.

End of story, end of statement, end of this fucking insanity.

Thought For The Week

From the much-reviled Puritans (very relevant at this time of the year):

Puritans believed it was also “to knit the heart of a husband to wife,” a charming thought. One of the supposedly oppressive rules of the Puritans was that men should not get away with taking advantage of women. They were strict. They did not believe that a man and woman who were not husband and wife should be alone together, because they thought the temptation was likely to be too much for one or both of them. We threw that rule out, and guess what? It turns out it has a good deal of truth to it. Just because adultery does not occur in 100% of such situations, or even 30% does not mean it doesn’t happen more than is good for both individuals and society as a whole… [Puritans] did not foreswear the flesh, they merely believed it should be held under short rein.

So many of the “old social rules” which have been weakened and eventually discarded have, over time, been seen to be not only sensible, but whose absence has been very harmful to society.

But with the modern world’s insistence that we never ever ever go back to the old ways because that would be [pick any or all as appropriate]  reactionary, racist, hateful, intolerant, intolerant, silly, White hegemony, patriarchal and in general doubleplusungood, I’m gloomy about the chances of our ever reinstating any of those old customs, rules and mores.

Even if going back would be beneficial to, oh, just about everybody.

I think I’ll go to the range this afternoon.  That usually dispels my gloom.