Found recently in my Inbox (right-click to embiggen):
I know these things are all bullshit — but what if it wasn’t, and I went?
Suggested speech topics in Comments, please.
Tag: Humor
Stuff that makes me laugh
Caption Competition #291
Your suggestions in Comments.
Green Is Good
…or not really, as The Greatest Living Englishman explains:
DEFENCE chiefs announced this week that British soldiers could soon be given electric bicycles so they can sneak up more quietly (and cheaply) than if they were in a tank.
Yes. But have you ever tried to ride a bicycle in soft sand? Or in a bog? It’s impossible.
So if stealth (and savings) are the main consideration, I have a better idea. Why not give them horses? They are extremely good off-road and won’t short out if asked to cross a river. Plus, most cost much less than a £6,500 e-bike and if properly trained, can move around very quietly indeed. Also, you don’t need to charge up their batteries every half an hour.
And then we could go further and, instead of guns, which are noisy and also expensive, issue our troops with swords.
It’d be the most eco-friendly and modern army in the world.
And it’d lose every single battle it took part in. But in these green and cost-conscious times, it seems that sort of thing doesn’t matter.
FFS, don’t anyone tell the Pentagon about this.
News Roundup
And speaking of rancid and toxic women:
...just the kind you’d want your son to bring over for Thanksgiving, yes? Also, keyword: Michigan.
...that’s okay; when you share custody, you can feed the kid steaks, meat pies and sausages all you want on those weekends.
In Lawn Awduh News:
...hell of a sentence just for shooting a cop who was already dead. Uhhh wait a minute...
...why bother, when the fix is already in?
...that’s not quite what the original headline said, but you get my drift.
...in which, once again, we play “Guess The Race” of all the participants in this ghastly little situation.
...key word: Florida — no wait, California. Hadda be one of them.
In Medical News:
...wait: gout in your cock? What new hell is this? And in the same vein [sic]:
...the one time I think “over and under” would be preferable to “side by side”.
From the Global Cooling Climate Warming Change© Dept.:
…
From the Dept. Of Tourism:
….funny, I thought that was every Italian city, but I haven’t been there for years.
From the Sports Desk:
...that would be me with baseball, and I’m not even a hermit.
Time for no-link INSIGNIFICA:
...no, I don’t understand any of that either.
This just has to be pissing off somebody somewhere (no link):
...can’t see why, myself.
And that’s the news.
Climate Witch
I’m sorry, but anyone who calls Hillary Bitch Clinton the Drunken Grandma Of Death deserves a read — and the topic is extremely relevant, with all sorts of ecoskeptical goodness thrown in.
Hie thee hence.
Monday Funnies
So here we go. First up, there’s government bureaucracy, as explained by Jordan Coombe:
Waddya expect? It’s MONDAY, FFS. So how about some random PG totty,then?
So listen to Teacher, and get stuck into the week.