News Roundup

Excuse me for a minute… [Pavlovian response]

Now on with the news, starting with the Great Cultural Assimilation Project:


...yet another triumph of Biden’s immigration policy.


...not in Nashville.


...we need to see more of this, all over the world.

And onto the great Palestinian Fuckup Fallout:


...Hamas:  continuing Obama’s legacy to the gun industry.


...the Izzies must be losing their touch.


...when asked to point out Israel on a map, the senator said: “Aarghlpaptmpofftry”.

And on to Sex News:


...and nobody saw this one coming.  [eyecross]


...confirming once and for all that yes, Bill Clinton was definitely on Epstein’s Client List.


...I didn’t even know that women were in the fencing business. [sic]

In Pre-Election News:


...enough of that stuff, Donald:  you already have my vote.


...no no, you lesbo freak, you’ve got it all wrong, as usual.  Trump doesn’t want to execute you;  but I could think of several others who might be tempted.
#Fifth Amendment #BuyMoreAmmo

And Great Moments In Parenting:


...I dunno;  sounds quite reasonable.

Then there’s this:


...not ordering the execution of Simon Cowell for Crimes Against Music?

And now, in INSIGNIFICA:

...so much for that “working-class punk” thing.


...nah, just kidding.  Here’s Liz Hurley:

A much better way to end the news, yes?

News Roundup

Ahhh those good old days when women had Bettah Pharmaceuticals to stop them going batshit crazy… and speaking of batshit crazy:


...under the reign of World-Emperor Kim, there would be a similar fish tank at the Pentagon, with a long line of generals waiting their turn — starting with that traitor Mark Milley.

Moving on to the Great Cultural Assimilation Project:


...you don’t say, Hank ol’ buddyHere’s one country that hasn’t:


...”you know how many Islamic terrorist attacks there have been in Poland?  NONE.”  [/quote of the day]

From the Chronicles of Nationalisation:


And yet we see they haven’t learned their lesson yet:


...wait:  didn’t they privatize the thing in the Seventies because the State had fucked it up almost beyond redemption? 


...another example of having privatized a service after nationalizing it had failed.  Maybe the answer really is:  [whispers] light rail transport systems don’t work in modern-day society.

Speaking of modern-day society:


...cut “her” dick and balls off, says I.

In Everybody Panic! News:


...yawn.  This nearly made INSIGNIFICA. As did this:


...crabs? Hornets?  What’s next?  Oh yeah, it’s Global Cooling Climate Warming Change©:


...”when”?  How about “if ever”?

Speaking of “Places I’d Like To See Go Underwater”:


...and Hollywood actresses go on strike over “unfair competition”.

And in other Sporting News:

[sic]
...and then the real gagging began.

Now it’s the real, honest, link-free INSIGNIFICA:

 

    …

Finally, in Celebrity News:


...she’s no stranger to these pages, but here’s a brief refresher:

 

And on that high note, we end the roundup.

Yeah, Whatever

Here’s a big nothingburger for you:

The Jockey Club have taken the dramatic decision to cut the Randox Grand National field size by 15 per cent to safeguard the Aintree spectacular’s future.

Next April, the world’s most famous race will see a maximum of 34 runners go to post instead of 40. The Jockey Club, who run Aintree, believe it is imperative to make the move now and say they have taken the decision in the interest of the health and safety of all human and equine participants.

News flash: nobody cares.  The only reason most people (including me and my Readers) show any interest in Aintree at all is this:

 

Yep;  Train Smash Women, in all their magnificent failures.  The races?  Only for the owners and jockeys.