“Dear Dr. Kim”

“Dear Dr. Kim,
I recently discovered that when we were still married, my ex-husband was having sex with our child’s nanny. He got her pregnant and paid her a huge sum of money after she had an abortion. What can I do to feel better?”

Mel B, Los Angeles

Dear Mel:
I’m a little confused: are you upset because your husband fucked the nanny, or that he paid her 300 grand that he should have spent on you?
As for feeling better about the whole shambles, there’s not a lot I can say which will help you. However, I can make it easier for this situation not to reoccur in the future, by offering you this advice:

1. don’t let your next husband hire the nanny, and
2. when you hire a nanny in the future, try to hire one who looks like this:

…rather than one who looks like this:

You blithering idiot.

— Dr. Kim


  1. I think my wife would be most pissed off about the abortion. “You screwed up and your response was to murder a baby?”

  2. Kim, women perplex me and piss me off.

    I am trying without success to convince my wife to hire a nanny that looks not too dissimilar to the second example. She is being really obstructive about this, and it is really causing me stress. I’m not sure if it is a breast size thing, a worry about her wearing skimpy things around the house thing, or the bullshit fucking ‘but we don’t even have kids’ thing, but man, my wife is really shitting in my Post Toasties about this.

    I’m guessing she isn’t going to co-sign my application to adopt a 17yo Korean girl, either.

    1. Baboy,
      Some women have no sense of gratitude, what with you trying to get her domestic help, and all.

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