Tag: Humor

In other Marketing News:

...first principle of marketing:  if you want people to buy something, tell them they can’t have it.  Known by everyone except politicians and Harvard MBAs.

...following the second principle of marketing:  when you’ve fucked up horribly, bribe your way out of the problem.  Even politicians know this one — they invented it.

From the Dept. of Global Cooling Climate Warming Change:

...New York being well known for its warm, temperate winters and abundant electrical supply.

...back in a moment:  I’m just going to borrow Sarah Hoyt’s Shocked Face.

From the Dept. of Nutrition & Health:

…

...thus preempting Mickey D’s new “Mouseburger” menu item.

From the Dept. of Education:

   …same guy:
  …and related:

...what’s the French for “multi-tasking”?

News in general:

...begging the question:  if there’s no physical strength component, only intellect, then why do Women’s Poker tournaments even exist?

...some scumbag gangbanger, no doubt.  Also:  ask me again why I carry a gun every time I leave the house, when this latest shooting happened in the next town over.

...he could have just shot the beast… oh wait:  Britishland.  Nemmind.

And in INSIGNIFICA:

 

… ...and Austin Powers was unavailable for comment.

Finally:

...who she, you ask?

…and that’s all the news we can sea today.

And in other Medical News:

...uhhhhh no.

...thus taking away the effectiveness of the “Eat shit and die” epithet.

In the latest Woke News:

...from your mouth to God’s ear, honey.

…just accept the fact that you’ve fucked your brand, hard, in the ass — just like your precious spokesthing does.  And speaking of this little asshole:

...you started it, darlin’.

…ummm is there any historical basis for the term “Minutewoman”?  Asking for a friend.

And speaking of hoplophobes:

...between P.J. and Beto, it sure seems like the wrong O’Rourke died.

...works for me.  Now let’s start killing a few, pour encourager les autres.  And speaking of pedophile organizations:

...which I’ll believe when His Assholiness points to where the term “couch potatoes” appears in the Gospel.

...looks like they want to start something they may not be able to stop.  Just sayin’.

...considering that Argentina’s total import business is lower than Alabama’s, this is ummm not significant.

And speaking of INSIGNIFICA:

  …

...I know, I’d never heard of Kayla Simmons either.  Does she even exist?  Let’s go to the gallery:

And that’s all the news that sticks out this week.

And speaking of getting the finger:

...as woker becomes broker.

...see above.

...bloody peasants.  How dare you try to improve your standard of living?

…

…then gets shot dead by irate homeowner — oh wait, this is Los Angeles, nemmind.

...nor should he, except that he’s a Brit — which means that you have to allow burglars free rein on your property, even if they threaten your life.  Kinda like L.A.

…

...go Huskers.  Better late than never.

From the Dept. of Unforeseen Consequences:

...you don’t say.

...forget it, Jake;  it’s Michigan.

In Showbiz News:

...witchcraft and sorcery inexplicably omitted from secret.

And related:

...so we’ve gone from this:    ...to this:

Now is when we suck out the INSIGNIFICA:

...headline may include a typo.  And no, I have no clue who she is, either.

And that’s all the news fit to (un)cover.