Dept. Of Righteous Shootings

Reader Mike L. sends me this happy tale, wondering if it’s Dept.-worthy.  If it isn’t… well, it most certainly is.  Herewith the story:

Goblin forces his way into a Louisiana home, threatens a woman and her kids, whereby she shoots him in a manner in which his body has assumed room temperature by the time the cops arrive.

Background:  said goblin (a.k.a. career criminal) was out on parole, original crime being armed robbery.  After being released, he appropriated someone else’s car and made his way over to his would-be victim’s house.

More details are unclear, but the district attorney is looking into the matter, no doubt before giving her an “attaboy” for ridding the parish of a violent asshole.

Dept. Of Righteous Shootings: International Division

Well, here’s one to cheer you up.  Seems as though these three Italian mopes decided to rob a jewellery store in Grinzane Cavour, a little town about thirty miles outside Turin.  All went well, for a while:  they waved a (fake) gun around and tied up the owner’s daughter.

Then the 67-year-old owner said “Fuck this shit!” in Italian, pulled his own gun, shot two of the assholes dead and wounded the third.

Some background:

The same jewellery shop in had already suffered a robbery a few years ago on May 22, 2015 when two thieves, one of whom was disguised as a woman, entered the shop and tied up the owner with plastic ties after beating him violently.

No wonder he’d had enough.

Sadly, the tale has not ended well for our hero, because Italy:

Immediately after the events, Roggero was accused of culpable excess of self-defense, but now he will have to answer for murder.  According to the public prosecutor’s office, Roggero would have chased the three robbers who, having already left the jewelry store with the stolen goods, were fleeing outside the store and from close range would have shot ‘with the intention of causing their death, thereby voluntarily exceeding the limits of legitimate patrimonial defence’. 

Yeah… so?

In any sane society, a jury would pat the guy on the back and say, “Good shooting, Tex!”  (once again, in Italian).  But this is Italy, which means he’s probably going to jail for doing what I believe 100% of my Readers would have done under the same circumstances.

Dept. of Righteous Shootings

Here’s the full story, but the executive summary runs as follows:

Shithead with an unknown grievance storms into an Amazon warehouse parking lot and shoots some other guy several times.

Unfortunately for him, this was not Amazon Warehouse (UK) nor even Amazon Warehouse (OR):  no, this was Amazon Warehouse (AZ).

We know this because another Amazon employee happened upon the scene, drew his own gun and shot the Aggrieved One stone dead.

Also good news: the first guy has apparently survived the shooting.

But wait! there’s more:

An Amazon spokesman, Richard Rocha, said the company is working with law enforcement as it investigates the shooting.

He said: “We are deeply saddened by this senseless act of violence in our parking lot.

“We’re working closely with law enforcement as they investigate and are focused on supporting our team during this difficult time.”

The way to “support your team”, Mr. Amazon Spokesman, is NOT TO FIRE Our Hero, who probably saved many lives by his action.

I’ll be watching this closely, because Amazon.

Dept. Of Righteous Shootings

Reader Dan M. sends me this wondrous tale:

The resident of a home in DeKalb County, Georgia, opened fire on four alleged robbery suspects, killing one and wounding three, around 5 p.m. Friday.

Now even though we’re all cheering Our Hero for his exemplary behavior, I know that some of you are going to turn up your noses at the 25% fatality rate;  but let’s instead congratulate him on the 100% hit rate, and the fact that three of the four choirboys ended up bleeding on his lawn, one to death, and only one was able to hobble away from the scene (as far as a hospital, where he was nabbed anyway).

And we don’t even have to play the “Guess The Race” game on this one, with names like “Jacqueze” and “Taneaious” in the police report.

All in all, an entirely satisfactory outcome.