Simple Solution

In the wake of the non-event of one Black dude bitchslapping another Black dude for making fun of his wife on a live TV show that nobody was watching, we get this wail:

Today, every comedian in the U.S. is on Facebook making nervous jokes about the likelihood of Will Smith copycats walking on stage and walloping a comic over a joke that hurt their little feelings.

So?  Fight back.  Perform while wearing sap gloves or a knuckleduster.  Make a baseball bat part of your routine.

Pepper spray, stun guns, will all work, but no real guns — that might be seen as a bit extreme, and probably with some justification.

Now, I have to say that if fistfights on stage are going to be a regular feature of Oscar Nights, I might even be tempted to watch the foul event, especially if Robert De Niro gets his ass kicked or Mark Ruffalo gets a few teeth knocked out.

Or, if that’s too violent, why not “MUD WRESTLING !!!  Featuring Christina Hendricks and
Salma Hayek !!!”


I’d watch that, you betcha.


  1. The ONLY way I would watch ANY award show is if they arranged it in “Running Man” style. Two enter, only one leaves.

    Seeing Ron Pearlman, Alec Baldwin, the abovementioned Ruffalo, et al. get dropped on their ass permanently would be too sweet for the telling. Hell I’d pry open my wallet for the PPV. The other best part would be the victorious opponent would probably be roughed up enough to at least keep the schadenboner going.

    We could also let Joy Behar and Whoopi get some tire chains and take turns beating the shit out of each other with them.

    Salma & Christina would make excellent ring girls.

    1. Two men enter, one man leaves is Thunderdome.

      Running man was a hunting humans game-show hosted by the late great Richard Dawson, where one man entered and was typically killed before he left (save for Arnie).

  2. Almost everyone commenting on this clutches their pearls and opines the recieved and unquestioned wisdom of our age, “Violence has no place in our society.”

    Thought to at least try on for size:

    Maybe mild fisticuff levels of violence, at least below some threshold of force and within some shared framework of understanding DOES have a place in our society. Striking, and being struck, are primeval means of communicating cause and effect.

    People would be a lot more circumspect in their words and actions if they knew a socially and legally sanctioned black eye might be part of the price.

    I’m not commited to that position, and can see a lot of problems with it, but it merits discussion.

    1. Indeed, I believe this is why we see so much boorish behavior from women (Karens for one example), because they’ve forgotten that they’re supposed to act like ladies and it’s socially unacceptable to deck them.
      Not singling out the females of course, there’s plenty of boorish behavior by men as well, but he’s at least taking the chance of having to search for this teeth in the toilet next day.

      Mark D

  3. I’m sorry, Kim…what was this post about? I got rather distracted by Ms. Hendricks and Ms. Hayek…what was my question again?

  4. “MUD WRESTLING !!! Featuring Christina Hendricks and Salma Hayek !!!”

    All in Favor? AYE!
    AllopposedtheAyeshaveit. Motion carried.

  5. “Make a baseball bat part of your routine.”

    One name. Gallagher. 🙂

    (For the record, his brother is crazier)

  6. What if those so-called “comedians” stop insulting and harassing people and instead start doing their job and be funny?
    That way people won’t be so angry at them that they do what’s right.

    Will Smith was fully correct to defend the honour of his wife. A slap in the face of that idiot was way too little. Pistols at dawn were called for, but I guess this happening in California that wasn’t an option.

    1. Smith’s wife openly and publicly cuckolds him with a series of boyfriends and one night stands. Not sure she has any honor to defend.

    2. Her honor (whatever’s left of it) wasn’t the issue.

      Medical disorders are not an issue of honor. Chris Rock didn’t call her a hoe or a slut. He was making fun of her baldness.

      Allegedly Smith looked at her saw she was angry/hurt. So he did what any man would do when the woman he loves is hurt–regardless of the fact that she fucks around as much as he does.

    3. a)
      One word — don rickles.
      That pile of garbage should have been de-teethed after his first minute on-stage.
      don rickles, maggot excrement.
      Some sources claim the ‘incident’ was scripted and rehearsed.
      Lagging careers and programming nobody watches needed a boost.
      show-biz in hollywood.
      re — sharing the wife
      I have zero knowledge of the Smith relationship agreements; this is their business and none of mine.
      Since the mid-1960s, I know many successful long-term relationships outside the ‘traditional’ husband/wife.
      During your next visit to Eugene, Oregon, I invite you to our monthly pot-latches of our decades-long PolyFidelic-n-Open group.
      We include solo practitioners, triads, widows and widowers, and one thirty-five year marriage of fivers.
      You may not change your mind, that would not be the point.

  7. That Smith move used to be a challenge to a duel.
    What’ll it be – Glock nines sideways at 3 paces?

  8. About that mud wrestling thing, I used to wrestle in H.S. and would gladly referee.

  9. Kim: if you’re going to dream, dream BIG! TOPLESS mud wrestling! BTW, if you could make the event happen, I’d be willing to offer my services as Hose Boy, free of charge.

  10. I really don’t care about Hollyweird, alleged comedians, singers or other entertainers. If you want to crack wise about various topics you might receive a knuckle sandwich. Someone on social media made the observation that folks wouldn’t be so froggy on the internet if they had to pick their teeth out of their next morning’s stool production. People used to get taught the lessons of tact in a brutal fashion back when people interacted face to face.

    No doubt Smith’s wife is toxic. No doubt that alleged comedians have pushed the edge of their routines to get attention and laughs. Nowadays it takes a lot talent to be funny without being crude, vulgar or offensive.


    PS where do I sign up for your mud wrestling subscription for viewing?

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