1. I’ve long been anal about housekeeping. It stems from my bachelor days when I worried that inviting a date to a pigsty might preclude me from getting laid.

  2. Yes, the first task should always be to cleanup the dead Hippies, OD’ed Hookers, passed out Sailors, and other debris, and then get rid of any incriminating evidence. But don’t do too good of a job, that might lead to permanent cleaning assignments. Neat and tidy but not completely Marine barracks spotless.

  3. It may offend your delicate European sensibilities but one word: Disposables. Paper plates, styrofoam cups and plastic trash bags.

    Silverware is no biggie, when I take the last fork out of the drawer I know it’s time to run the dishwasher. Pro Tip, however: Extra-large silverware baskets are available for most dishwasher brands so “that last clean fork” event can sometimes be weeks apart. As for knives, my Benchmade is always handy, and soup ain’t on the menu much so the spoon supply lasts forever.

    As for vacuuming and dusting, can’t help you there, except to point out that a garden hose and concrete floors with drains are really, really handy, if a bit noisy, and I’ve discovered this very pleasant guy who shows up every week to collect the dirty linens, towels and clothes and bring back last week’s stuff all cleaned. And it’s not hard to sneak the empty booze bottles into the neighbor’s trash on pickup day, or dispersed among several neighbors’ cans, at least four hours before The Boss gets home (it helps to set an alarm so you don’t miss the deadline).

    See? Bachelor Housekeeping is easy……

    1. My “European sensibilities”, as you put it, begin and end with Formula 1 and Italian sports cars.

    1. That’s not my kitchen.
      However, that’s what New Wife would think the kitchen looks like, were she to see it as it was last night.

  4. Jeez, how many people did you have over for dinner?!

    When Mrs. Grouch is away for an extended period, I tend to use one plate, one set of silver, and one glass, over and over. I just wash them as I use them. Saves me from a dilemma like the one you’re facing now.

  5. Are you sure you left enough time to refresh the house to spec? When I was in High School my mother chaperoned (No really. He was that much of a a character) our Grandfather when he returned to the old country after fifty-two years. I cleaned the kitchen well enough, but didn’t vacuum the living room, which was the first thing she saw. She hit the roof.

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