— Scientists find traces of cocaine in freshwater shrimp — so everybody panic: we’re all gonna DIIIIEEEEEEEE! I wonder where they sampled the freshwater shrimp; from the Orinoco River in Colombia? [warning: contains Enya]
— “We’re not going to tell you how to live” — If only they weren’t such boring socialists with shitty gun laws, I’d live there.
— Socialists Go Ultra-Crazy On Gun Confiscation — Fuck off, Spartacus. And take all your socialist control-freak buddies with you. Or: keep it up and watch Trump win 40 states in 2020.
— All over the world, everybody hates their gummint — Don’t even bother asking the Venezuelans. The Chinese would be the same, except that if they admit it, they get shot. By their gummint.