Everything Gives You Cancer

The immortal words of Joe Jackson come to mind:

No amount of alcohol, sausage or bacon is safe according to cancer experts

Even small amounts of processed meats and booze increase the risk of a host of cancers outlined in World Cancer Research Fund (WCRF) guidelines updated every decade.
The respected global authority has unveiled a 10-point plan to cut your risk of getting cancer by up to 40%.
Brits have been told to banish favourites such as ham, burgers and hot dogs from their diets by experts who say they are a direct cause of bowel cancer. Processed meats also cause people to be overweight which can trigger many more cancers.
But UK experts have disagreed with the draconian advice insisting the odd bacon sandwich “isn’t anything to worry about”.
The WCRF found boozing is directly linked to increased risk of six cancers and for the first time recommended sticking to water or unsweetened drinks. The report said: “Even small amounts of alcoholic drinks can increase the risk of some cancers. “There is no level of consumption below which there is no increase in the risk of at least some cancers.”
On processed meats it added that “no level of intake can confidently be associated with a lack of risk of bowel cancer”.
Cutting down on steaks and other red meat such as lamb and pork can reduce the risk of bowel cancer.

The WCRF’s 10-point health plan

  1. Be a healthy weight
  2. Be physically active
  3. Eat a diet rich in wholegrains, vegetables, fruit and beans
  4. Limit consumption of ‘fast foods’ and other processed foods high in fat, starches or sugars
  5. Limit consumption of red and processed meat
  6. Limit consumption of sugar sweetened drinks
  7. Limit alcohol consumption
    [last three omitted because irrelevant to my Readers, e.g. breastfeeding]

I guess I’m fucked, then.  Oh well.  Time for some BBQ brisket, Elgin sausage and sweet iced tea.  Or a steak & kidney pie, chips and a pint of London Pride?

If I’m gonna die, I want the doctors to exclaim at my post-mortem, “Bloody hell!  How did he last so long?”


There’s no link because the Mirror has the most irritating ads on the planet.  I went there so you don’t have to.  And fuck their “fair use” guidelines.


  1. Because the “food pyramid” we’ve used in the US has worked SO well…at giving people diabetes.

    I debated with a Vegan once (trust me, don’t), I pointed out that humans are naturally omnivorous, and pointed to the canine teeth as evidence. Her response: “We were, but we’ve evolved.” I was going to ask her why it was I’ve never encountered a healthy-looking vegan, but didn’t bother.

  2. You know what gets me about lists like this?

    I’m good on all but Nos. 4&5, and I satisfy the others not because I want to, but because I know I should. I like steak (and love any cured meat), and dessert, so I’m never going to satisfy those. And even though if I asked the folks who published the list, they’d probably tell me I was doing fine, reading a list like that makes me feel like shit, and want to dismiss it.

    But if I didn’t do any of the things on the list, I’d have exactly the reaction Kim had, but far less polite, mainly, “fuck you, WCRF, it’s my life.” You’d think that the people who put out these lists, if they really wanted people to follow them, would sell them differently. But then again, most of the smokers I know are doctors, paramedics, or nurses…so maybe there’s more going on here than we think.

    1. They’re useful for stress control and weight management, and a lot of medpros think they’re pretty much inwincible (nod to the meatsicle in Goldeneye, iirc).

  3. The so called “experts” are completely full of shit. Follow their advice and watch your health problems soar.

  4. The British Empire (upon which the sun did not set) was built on mutton, beef, crusty bread, pale ale and port.

    That’s good enough for me.

  5. So, you live your life according to their rules and get hit by a bus at age 25….

  6. I see there is a cookbook out there called:
    “Eat What You Want & Die Like A Man” by Steven H. Graham

  7. I long ago decided that oxygen causes cancer. If I cut off your oxygen, you’ll never develop cancer! Q.E.D.

    Given that, I quit worrying about the latest cancer (or any other health) scare mongering.

  8. Any coward can wimp out and give up everything in life he craves thinking he will extend his life by X-number of years but it takes a real man to face cancer.

    Everything in life worth having is either illegal, immoral, or fattening…or causes cancer.

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