Airline Bullshit

When I first saw British Airways’ little pre-flight safety announcement, I was amused: a bunch of well-known Brit actors and comedians demonstrating safety procedures, all under the guise of being auditioned for the job of making the announcements.

Then I stopped laughing, because what this really was was a commercial for some poxy charity drive (video autoplay alert), whereby passengers empty their pockets of loose change, said proceeds going to feed the Pore & Starvin Chilluns of the world.

Now I have lots of sympathy for said Chilluns, because I am not without a soul. I have no sympathy for the so-called “charities” who collect this aid money because they are a bunch of thieving bastards who siphon off percentages of the funds before passing the moolah on to agencies who purport to help the P&S Chilluns, but whose efforts really perpetuate the conditions of poverty by making these people dependent on continuous aid.

I have even less sympathy — actually, tolerance — for organizations like British Airways who facilitate this bullshit. Why?

Because I’m sick to death of paying extra money (over and above the already-inflated airline ticket fees) for stuff that we used to get for free: things such as “extra baggage” fees (for a second suitcase) and seat selection fees (!!!) just because when you go online to check in for your flight, you either put up with the seat you were originally given, or, if you want to change your seat, you have to pay a fucking “change fee” when the change comes entirely cost-free to the airline. (I’m not even going to talk about how “better” seats also command a “seating premium fee” and how you’re bombarded with the ceaseless suggestions to upgrade to a marginally-better “class” of seat for only $320 (!!!!!).)

And a big thank you to Donald Fucking Trump and his Administration for allowing the airlines to hide their thievery (annoying autoplay alert). You bastards.

So here’s a little thought for British Airways and all the other little flyboys like American, United, Delta and whoever: fuck you. If you want me to donate money to your charities, you can start by leaving me more money to donate, and get rid of your fucking highway robbery fees. Otherwise, I’ll stick with the shitty seat you give me (last time: 42D, the very last row in the plane), and you can get stuffed. You and your fucking charity partners.

Afterthought: I know, why do I fly? Because driving across the Atlantic Ocean is problematic. Domestically, I drive wherever I can instead of flying because I hate the fucking airlines. Likewise the poxy TSA and their security theater because [20,000-word anti-TSA rant deleted].


    1. My dad sailed to Europe with several thousand of his closest friends. He said that they wanted to sleep on deck because the Germans had these nasty things called u-boats to disagree with their trip. We complain when we have to sit in the middle seat for a couple of hours. Dad was a medic and supposedly unarmed but his friends had M-1s, BARs, Tommy guns and all sorts of other manly novelties to deal with annoying people at the end of their trip.

  1. I think the ultimate BS “charity” is United Way. I used to work for a company that was VERY big into it, and I refused to give to it. Basically, only a tiny percentage of the money collected goes to the actual charity, the rest is “administrative costs”. What are those costs? Well, if you’re the CEO of a company that donates heavily to United Way, when you retire you can get a position on the Board of Directors of United Way (with the appropriate salary of course). So basically an executive is fleecing his employees so he has an income after retirement.


    1. Sounds familiar… Worked for a company that had something similar. Pushed employees to select “volunteer work” in “third world countries” and the company would grant you paid leave for the duration (not fund the trip itself mind) to the point not volunteering could get you a bad performance review.

      And of course all the “charitable work we perform” was hailed loudly as being solely the work of the company on their website and that of the organisation they had signed up with, the often tens of thousands of dollars the employees had to pay out of pocket for the projects (airline tickets, visa applications, vaccinations, hotel rooms, equipment, you name it) was never mentioned, or rather silently assumed in the stories to have been kindly donated by the company as well.

  2. There are some honest charities. Especially the small organizations. I’m on the board of the U.S. International Muzzle-Loading Team, our overhead is 0%…we pay our own way even to Board meetings. But the big charities? Donate with extreme caution.

    1. I’m always good for the Salvation Army. They did me some kindness when I was a young sailor who ended up in a hospital with no personal gear after a bad car wreck. They set me up with a shaving kit, soap, toothpaste, a change of underwear and some smokes. I had some money and offered to pay and the officer said “Just remember us next Christmas.” I’ve remembered them for about 45 years. That care package was paid off long ago but I never pass a red kettle without throwing something in.

      1. I used to donate to the salvation army every year, until last year they started using children to go door to door here in their donation drives.

        Not going to be guilt-tripped into giving money to anyone.

  3. I have had occasion to visit the passenger accommodation on container ships, and found it very interesting. If I had the time to do so, I would consider taking a container cruise. It seems like it would be quite enjoyable.

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