More “Health” Bullshit

Turns out that this “YOU HAVE TO WALK 10,000 STEPS A DAY OR YOU’RE GONNA DIEEEEEE!!!” mantra is absolute bollocks.  Actually, I always knew this instinctively, but here’s the !Science!:

By analyzing data on tens of thousands of people across four continents compiled between 15 existing studies, a team of researchers has landed on a more comfortable figure: the optimal number is probably closer to 6,000 steps per day, depending on your age.

Anything more is unlikely to further reduce your chances of stumbling into an early grave.

“So, what we saw was this incremental reduction in risk as steps increase, until it levels off,” said University of Massachusetts Amherst epidemiologist Amanda Paluch when the study was released in March 2022.

“And the leveling occurred at different step values for older versus younger adults.”

So… 10,000?

Half a century ago, the Yamasa Clock and Instrument Company in Japan sought to cash in on the buzz left by the 1964 Tokyo Olympics by producing a pedometer they called ‘Manpo-kei’ – a word that translates into 10,000 steps.

Why 10,000? Good old fashioned marketing. It’s a nice, round number that sounds taxing enough to be a goal, but achievable enough to be worth striving for. What it doesn’t have going for it is any scientific backing.

Yeah, but for the Health Nazis, that’s all they needed to boss us around.  It’s like that “drink 100 gallons of water a day” (or whatever bullshit “round” number they came up with for that bit of nannying);  everyone knows (or should know) that too much water is about as bad for you as too little.

Funny thing, that:  humans actually have a trigger mechanism to tell you when to drink.  It’s called “feeling thirsty”, and we’ve somehow managed to survive as a species for thousands of years by relying on it.  Also, we know when to stop, because we start feeling “full”, but clearly we have to ignore our bodies and keep on chugging back the water… until our overworked kidneys say “Fuck this nonsense” and quit.

As will our hearts when, as senior citizens (or “useless mouth-breathers” as the yoof calls us), we end up dying because those useless and as it turns out, dangerous extra few thousand steps will tax that organ into failure.

Every doctor or “health professional” or “fitness expert” who has ever insisted on the “10,000 steps and/or x liters of water per day” regime needs to get strapped to a scaffold and flogged, say, 10,000 lashes with a bullwhip.

Is that too much?  I dunno, but it’s a nice round number.

Health Warning

Well, that sucks:

Men are more likely to fracture their penis at Christmas, doctors say.  German medics discovered rates of the eye-watering injury spike over the festive period.

Here’s the background:

Although the penis is not a bone, it can fracture when the appendage is subject to sharp, blunt force. Afterwards, the penis usually resembles an ‘aubergine’, turning purple and swollen.

Ah, so that’s what this emoji means…

…and this one means it’s crying, therefore broken?

Okay, never mind all that.  Here are the Three Major Reasons why you might break your dick over the Christmas period:

  • at the office Christmas party, you get too keen trying to shag that chick from Accounting in the upright position (you know,the one with humongous tatas), and slam into the wall by mistake
  • it’s the only time of year when the old lady relents and gives you a pity fuck, and you can’t remember how it works after so long a layoff [sic]
  • when you get your annual hand job (see above), instead of acting like a lady, she goes all Boston Strangler on your manhood.

Feel free to add your own ideas, in Comments.

I’ve Always Said That

…and now, there’s !SCIENCE! to prove it:

Ditching a bra could make your breasts perkier, experts have claimed.

Women’s health specialists and plastic surgeons have suggested that the tight pressure from a bra can weaken tissues around the breasts over time, causing them to droop.

The uplifted look is also said to be due to the gradual strengthening of back muscles that happens when you’re unsupported, improving posture.

I’ve always thought you can tell the difference between habitual bra-wearers and the freedom-lovers the minute things go natural.

I know, I know:  we need evidence.  Here ya go:

Read more

We Suck!

…at hospitals anyway, according to some organization:

Researchers at the Institute of Global Health Innovation at Imperial College London examined data on 38 developed countries.

The experts focused on four key patient safety indicators for their rankings: maternal mortality, treatable mortality, adverse effects of medical treatment and neonatal disorders.

For those who are too lazy to follow the link, here’s the table:

Yeah, I know:  our hospitals are ranked lower because we take on more hopeless cases than most other countries will accept.  (Whenever you read about some Third-World mope who needs to have the extra toes growing out of his neck removed, it’s always off to the U.S. and not to Sweden, because they just won’t take the case.)

I also note with some skepticism the high rank of the Netherlands, which is the absolute last place where I’d go to hospital because of the Dutchies’ fondness for involuntary euthanasia.

Finally, not being of a medical bent myself, I have no idea whether the criteria of “maternal mortality, treatable mortality, adverse effects of medical treatment and neonatal disorders” are the best pointers towards judgement of hospital quality;  I’ll leave that to my Sawbones Readers to comment on.

Finally, Some Good News

…if you’re a compulsive wanker, that is.

While the scientific evidence is still limited, it makes logical sense that regularly using the prostate as it was designed – to create seminal fluid and eject it out of the body – is going to be more beneficial in the longer term than not using it.

The prostate is part-muscle – it contracts during an orgasm to make sure semen goes in the right direction – and all muscles in the body benefit from regular use or they can weaken. And as with any part of the body that secretes fluid, such as the ears or nose, there is a risk of build-up and blockages.

There is some evidence that, if you don’t clear secretions from the prostate, you can end up with an obstruction which, in turn, may cause infection and lead to prostatitis – inflammation of the prostate. This can cause pain and discomfort.

There is also a theory that ejaculating clears the prostate of other potentially inflammatory chemicals.

‘I encourage men with sexual dysfunction to always use an erection. There’s no evidence that abstaining is good for you.’

Ultimately there are no real downsides to upping your sex life – whether solo or with a partner – and lots of potential positives.

And now, if you’ll excuse me…

Oh shuddup.  It’s for my own good.

Health Issues Etc.

Yesterday was time for my annual checkup, so after enduring the no-coffee / no-food “fast” for reasons of bloodwork, I settled in to have my chat with Dr. ShitForBrains.

Perhaps a little background is necessary.  I have had three primary doctors since the Great Wetback Episode of 1986 — or perhaps I should say that I’ve outlived two doctors, and am on my third.  (The first, in Chicago, died of leukemia;  the second, in Plano, died of a heart attack.)  Doctor #2 was nicknamed “Shit-for-brains” by the family because he was, to put it mildly, the world’s worst diagnostician.  No matter how much information we gave him, he’d get it wrong.  Lovely man, piss-poor doctor.  We were just about to get another doctor when he snuffed it, and we inherited Doctor #3 in the same practice, who is definitely not ShitForBrains, but the nickname (rather unfairly) has become generic, to distinguish him from the other doctors we’ve since acquired (dermos, heart specs, etc.).  We have an excellent relationship, truly fine, and he gets my sense of humor (as you will see).

Back to yesterday’s visit.  Here’s more or less how it went.

SFB:  All your vitals are good:  weight has dropped (by 40lbs!), BP is excellent, circulation fine, respiration excellent, thyroid fine.  When the bloodwork comes back, we’ll check the cholesterol and so on, but I don’t see any issues.  Had any problems since last time?

Kim:  I’ve just started having plantar fasciitus attacks in my right foot..  Came out of nowhere, very owie two days back, a little better today.

SFB:  [winces] Ouch!  Sorry to hear that.  I’ll give you a printout that’ll help, for exercises.

Kim:  Exercises?  I’m in pain, here.  Can’t you give me a quick pop of Lidocaine or something?

SFB:  Hahaha no.

Kim:  It’s a good thing I left my gun in the car, or else we’d be having a different conversation about Lidocaine.

SFB:  Kim, you know my policy about gun fights in my office.

Kim:  Wouldn’t be much of one;  you’re not carrying.

SFB:  No, but Christie is.  [nods towards his assistant, who gives me That Look]

You’d think I’d have remembered that, because ’twas I who taught her how to shoot and helped her buy her first gun, about eight years back  (S&W Lady Smith in .38 Spec+P — she’s since acquired a Kimber Ultra Carry in .45 ACP because she’s a big girl and can handle it).

Anyway, by then the pain had subsided somewhat, so after having had blood taken, I was on my merry way.

Good health:  I haz it.  (Apart from typical Olde Phartte issues and a sore foot.)

Not bad for… fucking hell, 69 on Sunday.

Time for another gin.