1) “Unexploded World War II bombs hamper efforts to battle massive wildfires rampaging through a German forest” — don’t care; they started it.
2) “Mummified body found in a hoarder’s home ‘belonged to a cat burglar who was executed on the spot after being caught in the act’ ” — I have an alibi. (Oh, sure: like you’ve never thought about doing it.)
4) “The eurozone is destined to fail.” — can’t wait, Part II.
5) “State Department is blocking economic aid slated for the Palestinians and is sending it somewhere else!” — about time, too. God-Emperor Trump continues to wow conservatives, this time by shafting those Arab assholes — who don’t deserve anything from us considering their past, present and future behavior.
And your “feelgood” story of the day:
6) “Clueless couple struggled to get pregnant for four years are told by doctor the wife is still a virgin because they were having anal sex” — well, at least the husband got something out of it… but after they figured out what they were doing wrong, she got pregnant, which as any fule kno, is when the sex stops. I know all this sounds unlikely, but let us remember that this happened in China, where anything’s statistically possible in a population of 1.5 billion people.