Latest Posts

Stupid French Nonsense

Two-Minute Hate

I know, there’s a ton (not tonne) of redundancy in the title, but bear with me.

Over at The Divine Sarah’s place, some guy spouts off about the foul Napoleonic metric system, and of course I agree with all of it.

Engineers (of whom there are a few who will read this) will strongly disagree, but I live in a world of my own stuff and am not making things for other people.  And in that world, I can certainly see this:

If you had to estimate the dimensions of a room without the benefit of a tape measure, you might walk its perimeter heel to toe, counting your steps.

I cannot tell you how often I’ve done this, either for the above purpose or to see whether a carpet will fit into a room whose dimensions I know in feet and inches.  Ditto when installing shelves on a wall, or estimating a smaller space (my hand, with fingers fully splayed, measures just over eight inches from pinkie to thumb tip).  I have small (8.5 shoe size) feet, which measure ten inches long from heel to big toe, or just over eleven inches if wearing my Minnetonka moccasins.  I can measure distance because my step is about a yard (and I have no idea what that is in meters because a meter is much longer than my step).  I’d rather use arshins or schritten than meters because they make more sense (about a step, in each case).

In other words, I don’t need to carry a frigging tape measure inscribed with inscrutable and meaningless units because I already have measuring devices on hand, so to speak.  (And yes, if I know inches but am presented with centimeters, I can multiply / divide by 2.5 as needed because I’m not an idiot, and I don’t care about the missing .04 cm because I don’t have OCD.)  I know that my measurements are somewhat approximate, but in my world that does me no harm.  If it’s likely to, then I’ll use a tape measure (in Imperial/U.S. units*) for the precision required.

And yes, I know that some of the Imperial measurements are loony — gills, furlongs, chains, pecks and so on — but when last did anyone use those?

Engineers, scientists and drug dealers can use all the grams, milliliters or centimeters they need.  The only time I “need” the metric system is when I’m looking at bullet diameters, and I’m okay with that.  (And on the same topic, grains make more sense than milligrams.)

Otherwise, those stupid French measurements can kiss my ass.  Bloody Europeans are just a bunch of poxy control freaks, and I want no part of it, or them**.

*I have no idea why the U.S. gallon is smaller than the Imperial, but even then I can live with it.  When I’m in Britishland, it requires less adjustment in my thinking than it takes to drive on the left vs. the right side of the road.

**except when it comes to cheese or goulasch.

“Dear Dr. Kim”

Advice

“Dear Dr. Kim:

“I’m 40 and my boyfriend is 43. We’ve been together for ten years.

“My partner’s sexual fantasy was to watch me have sex with another man.

“Ever since we met, he’s shared that his fantasy is to watch another man have sex with me. Over the past few years, he’s become preoccupied with trying it in real life.

“At first, I was resistant. I am a one-man woman. But the more he asked, the more I realized how happy it would make him. And I thought it might be exciting. Eventually, I agreed to do it — as his birthday present.

“One evening, we went out for drinks and he invited a mate to join us. They’d already agreed this friend would come home with us. Once there, my boyfriend told me to go to the bedroom and get undressed, and to act like he wasn’t there. Then he sent the guy upstairs to join me. He followed a few minutes later and sat in a chair in the corner of the room.

“I was shy initially, but the other guy was very sexy. Once he started kissing me, I relaxed into it and soon found myself enjoying the experience.

“Afterwards, my partner sent him home and got into bed with me and he was so turned on that it was the best sex we’ve ever had.

“Dr. Kim, the problem is that now I’ve let the genie out of the bottle, I can’t put it back in. I did it once -– and now he’s begging me to do it again, but I don’t want it to become a regular part of our sex life.

What am I to do now?

— Slave To Voyeurism

Dear Slave:

Ten years is a long time for a non-marital relationship to last, and it’s an even longer time to be persuading you to fuck another man while he watches.

The unpleasant little truth about seemingly-innocent perversions like this one — and it is a perversion — is that at some point, things are going to start getting unpleasant:  for you.  Ollie The Onlooker is going get dissatisfied with watching just straight sex, and he’s going to start getting adventurous, which means that you’re going to get dragged along, more or less unwillingly.  I don’t know where it will lead to, but as a guess we’re looking at (in no specific order) bondage, possibly sado-masochism, multiple male participants (i.e. gang bangs), and similar fun stuff (for him).

And by the way:  your guy’s buddy is going to want a little action without Ollie in the audience.  Take my word for it.

As you yourself said, the genie is out of the bottle, so unless you take charge, your future looks bleak.

The man is a sick fuck (literally).  Dump him and get on with your life.

—

News Roundup

Bad News


...in a News Roundup world first, an actual piece of helpful news (ignore the silly Brit spelling).


...some of which have been used for good (video):


...and some not-so good:


...could hardly get worse… oh wait, this just in:


...but it does get a little better:


...awwww:

Time for some International News:


...probably the only way one can get through the day Down Under.


…


...I had no idea you could do the race in a Porsche — hell, even I could do that.


...hmmm, maybe humans are becoming smarter.


...there you go, bringing science into religion again.

In Food News:


...called the “Lizzo Meal”.


...so on yer next trip Over There, don’t be surprised to see Heinz cans hanging on trees.


...you had me at “Victoria sponge cake”.  Now I have to find one, and eat it.

Finally, our Celebrity News:


...you mean he learned how to do something every single Western woman does every morning of her life?  Stop the presses.

And from the not-so-top-secret files of INSIGNIFICA:

…



...other than having a neon sign on her forehead reading “I prefer pussy”, I can’t see how much more she can do to tell you that she’s a lesbo.

And in Paige Three News:

Malfunction, provocative action or delightful accident?  I report, you decide.

When Does It Become Obscene?

Fashion

Surfing on a bellyboard along the waves of Teh Intarwebz, I was struck by something, and not for the first time.

Readers of this corner will of course be familiar with golf hottie Paige Spirinac, who possesses quite possibly one of the best female bodies around, as evidenced in these pics:

Now here’s the thing.  While young Paige’s derrière is by no means underrepresented, it’s not by any means over-large, e.g.

So why have huge buttocks become a thing?

Maybe the trend started with screechy pop star Jennifer Lopez:

… and was amplified [sic]  by the awful Kim Kardashian (who has never been slow to ride a trend, so to speak):

It seems, however, that this trend has no upper limit — and I speak not of all-over fatties like Lizzo, but of “Playboy models” like this one:

It’s been decades since I looked at a Playboy, but if this is the trend of their models, it will be decades more before I do it again, if ever.  Horrible.

Another example is “plus-size” model Ashley Graham, who despite having an exquisitely-beautiful face, has a backside that would fill a school bus:

Among African tribes, a large pair of buttocks is a feature of attractiveness, because it speaks not only of fertility but also of the owner thereof being well nourished (a source of pride for their husbands as providers).

But that’s in Africa.  We live in the West, and have a European standard of beauty.  And I speak not of ultra-skinnies and the like (that being more a creation of homosexual fashion designers), but of women who have proportional statistics.

Here’s actress Sasha Alexander, for instance, who has what I would consider a decent set of proportions:

Note:  no inflated breasts, nor a bulbous backside.  Another example?  Sure, why not?  Here’s the rather Mumsy-looking Laura Hamilton, who in in her forties and has two kids:

Let me say in summary that I’m not asking for women to strive for some impossible ideal of beauty:  anything but.

What I’m asking for is proportion, and not grotesqueries.

And yes, I’m familiar with the contradiction of all the above, considering that  pneumatic sexagenarian Carol Vorderman often appears on my back porch:

…as does the equally-balloony Kelly Brook:

What can I say?  I’m a sucker for a pretty face.