1. …and further more, if you continue to gawk at me through my open bedroom window at night as I massage the muffin I will bury my OTHER foot in your bloated, pimply ass too.

  2. “…and then he said, ‘but I just want to nibble your toes,’ but once he got started he…”

  3. Sometimes it is painful to be a kick ass boss when you have a hard ass subordinate, but someone’s gotta do the job.

  4. “Dear Diary,
    Well, my much-anticipated vacation took a turn for the worse after I was tackled by a chaise lounge!”
    “Dear Diary,
    Well, next time, I suppose I should listen to those rumors of ‘extra-strength’ ‘vacation beverages’… live and learn!”

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