Oh yes, it’s Monday again:
So to buoy up your spirits, how about a little mirth?
…and speaking of the classics:
And finally:
Now go get some breakfast, and try to keep your heads above water this week.
Category: Funny Stuff
News Roundup
1) British holidaymaker, 71, is shot dead on tourist paradise of Turks and Caicos as robbers burst into house to steal cash and jewellery — fake news; private citizens are banned from owning guns in T&C, so this couldn’t possibly have happened.
2) British vegan activist is covered in blood when ‘farmers chase her down a motorway and shoot through her car window after she freed 16 of their rabbits’ — looks like the Spanish farmers need more range time.
3) ISIS strap suicide vests to COWS and blow the animals up in attack that failed to kill any humans in Iraq — that’s the end of ISIS: now they’ve pissed off PETA. (Funny how there aren’t any “militant vegan activists” in Iraq…)
4) Hundreds of illegal guns flood city after gun ban — let’s hear it for “Australian-style” gun control.
5) Women marry men for money — and if there aren’t men rich enough, they don’t marry at all. Another big surprise.
6) Bonk more, and life feels better — another shocker, brought to you by !Science!
7) Mugabe dies — about time, and about forty years too late. Africa wins again.
Die Young, Stupid Peasants!
It appears that a Democratic Socialist presidential candidate wants us all to die young, and stupid:
Andrew Yang agrees that the world should stop eating meat immediately.
“The U.N. just released a study that said we’re going to be OK if the vast majority of the world goes vegetarian immediately,” the entrepreneur and 2020 Democratic presidential candidate said. “So, it’s good for the environment, it’s good for your health if you eat less meat. Certainly, meat is an extraordinarily expensive thing to produce from an environmental sustainability point of view. So, I think it would be healthy on both an individual and societal level for us to move in that direction.”
Oh, well if the United Nations says that, then it’s all tickety-boo, and so of course we have to follow their dicta slavishly.
Then we have the Vegetarian Deniers’ input, here:
Vegetarians have a 20% higher risk of suffering a stroke than meat eaters ‘because they miss out on key vitamins’
And we’re also going to become more stupid, before we die young:
Plant-based diets `risk insufficient intake of brain-critical nutrient´, says nutritionist.
Hell, with vegans, we don’t even have to wait until the next generation for Teh Stupid to manifest itself. [loud laughter warning]
But to return to the point at hand: I hadn’t heard about this Yang creature before, other than that he’s about as loony as all the others in the Socialist Clown Car — and judging from his polling numbers, just about everyone else thinks the same way I do.
What I want to know is: how many of the other Socialist assholes support his thesis? Now there’s a question for the next debate. Just don’t hold your breath waiting for it to be asked.
Caption Competition #88
Your suggestions in Comments.
Comeback Competition #1
In similar vein to the Friday Caption Competition on this website, here’s a new one.
I’m going to post a totally stupid twitter, and you guys create your own comebacks in Comments, thus:
Sample Twit:
Comeback examples:
and:
So here’s the first idiotic twit, for your joyful dismemberment:
Help yourselves, in Comments.
Dodged One There
Still from Liz Jones:
I was reminded of a wedding I went to with my then husband Nirpal. The groom had hand made a book of poems about his love for his bride, which he then proceeded to read out loud to her and us. I’d turned to Nirpal and hissed crossly, “Why didn’t you do that for me when we got married?”
And he’d replied, “Think yourself lucky. The groom has had sex with other men.”
Remember: when you think you’ve had it rough, there’s always someone else who’s had it worse.