Doing Nothing

I am curious to see My Readers’ response to this bit of bastardy, bureaucracy and pussification:

A homeowner was left disgusted after a stranger parked their Range Rover on his driveway for days.
Zekarias Haile, who lives a five-minute drive from Manchester Airport, said he waited four days for the owner of the grey car to return and pick it up. The 51-year-old man woke to find it abandoned on his driveway on Thursday and he suspects the cheeky owner had jetted off for a holiday from the nearby and Ryanair hub.
The father-of-two, who lives in Wythenshawe, Manchester, said: “Someone, without my permission, had put the car there and they didn’t care. I just went out and it was there. Then it was there Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. On Monday morning when we woke up it was gone. I was very angry but I resisted doing anything to the car – just. I definitely didn’t feel alright about it. We couldn’t access our garden and we couldn’t take out our bins.”
Zekarias, a lecturer in Engineering at a college, called the police but was told it was not a criminal offence and there was nothing they could do. They said Zekarias’ car, parked on the road, wasn’t being blocked in so their hands were tied.

Okay, firstly:  what kind of asshole parks his car in another guy’s driveway and just takes off?

Secondly:   what kind of pussified man does nothing about the situation for four whole days?

Thirdly:  what kind of police force won’t have the car towed?

Finally, what would you have done in a similar situation?


  1. It being a Range Rover I would assume it’s broken down, so I’d likely just call a tow truck and have it hauled away. At the very least, roll it out into the street. Then it is the county’s problem.

  2. Had I found my driveway in this situation, the Range Rover would have found itself parked in the middle of the street, and the police would have had no choice but to deal with it.

  3. Towed, being generous, by sunset.
    And then only after it decided to have weird sex and had 5 lbs of potatoes shoved up it’s tailpipe in a way that’s not immediately obvious.

    It would be worth the price of a tow to see the hissy fit the owner would no doubt throw when the bastard returned to pick up his abandoned car.

  4. Depends how vicious I wish to be –

    Base response would be to call a towing service, have it moved to their impound lot, and let the owner suffer and pay.

    If I wanted to make money, I’d jack the tires and rims, and what ever superficial could be removed.

    If you REALLY wanted to be dastardly, leaved various messages\symbols in the paint (IYKWIMAITYD), or some foreign substance in the fuel tank (I hear maple syrup can make a right mess).

  5. Well, I’ve been meaning to replace my garage door, so maybe push it forward a bit with my truck and report it as a hit and run. It’s possible that they might find a partial bottle of cheap whiskey inside.

    Unfortunately, I lost the camera that normally covers my driveway in a tragic boating accident last year. I was using it to look for my guns, which I lost the year before.

  6. I don’t think towing services work on spec. I’d have simply removed the tires’ valve cores. Maybe epoxied the locks. No fingerprints. Tsk. Neighborhood kids are a caution.

    1. Not sure about English law, but in America it’s called a non-consent tow. You call the company, they call the cops and tell them that they are towing it, and take it to their yard. When the person returns and reports their car stolen, the police tell them which tow yard it is in, and they can get their car back when they pay for the tow and storage fees. If they don’t pick the car up in a certain amount of time (usually 90 days) then the towing company can auction it and keep the money.

      1. if it’s like here (elsewhere in Europe) a tow company can only tow a vehicle if the person ordering the tow either a) is the owner or b) has a court order or police report allowing the vehicle to be towed (which only repo agents would get, basically, and operators of commercial car parks).

        That said, if someone else parks their car on my private property here (never happens, it’s too small, lol) the police wouldn’t say “sorry, no can do, as it’s not on a public road causing trouble” like that Brit police idiot did. They’d probably consider it trespassing or something along those lines and have it towed for me.

  7. This used to happen to me. Across the street there were three young ladies who received a lot of visitors. Male visitors. Those visitors used to park in my drive when I wasn’t there. So when I got home I just parked behind them and when they rang the doorbell I would greet them with a can of cider in my hand and say that no, I could not move my car because I had been drinking and was not safe to drive.

    Word soon got around.

    1. this being the UK most likely the police would tow YOUR car for causing a “public nuisance”…

      1. After all, the police in the UK won’t remove travelers from your pasture or parking lot, even when they know and can see that they trash the place before leaving.

  8. Luckily, our driveways are in the rear, and I have a gate across mine.

    That said, I’m sure the city would tow it.

    Since I have a garage, if it were in my way, I’d move it. If they were lucky i’d only jack it up on dollies. Unlucky, I’d probably cut or remove the driveshafts so it would roll.

    I have had idiots parked across my driveway when I lived on the east coast. I asked my neighbors whose car it was, and then just shoved it aside with my truck.

  9. That poor Range Rover would suffer a fire of unknown origin. Probably English electrics don’t you know. The ghost of Joe Lucas strikes again.

    1. Great minds think alike, velocette.

      What a shame the car’s owner wasn’t around to salvage it before the electrical fire took hold. 🙂

  10. As am American (even tho I am still living in California) I have options such as moving the car to a sketchy area then abandoning it with the doors unlocked. However, being as this happened in the place where Great Britain used to be, what can a property owner do? Legally that is.

    The English are getting the kind of government they voted for. Good and hard.

  11. Am beginning to think that most Brits have lost whatever balls they had back in the 1940’s.

    Seeing I am descended from that Isle, my approach would be a bit different. I am confident that within 4 days I could have most of it parted out and sold, with what remains being taken to the local metal recycling yard.

    Tyres (tires for U.S. types) for a landie with rims are probably good for 500 per set of 4 on Craigslist and Ebay.
    Doors, boot hatch, hood and engine bits 100 each.
    Seats and interior 50 per section.
    Radio with nav – 20 bucks, they are all locked and a pain to re-programme.
    Wrecking yard is paying about 13 cents a pound weight, so figure 2000 lbs of metal good for $260

    Problem solved and just to show what a fine upstanding fellow you are, hand over the take if the owner shows up. Can’t be accused of theft if all proceeds go to the owner. Then again, UK in 2022, I am sure the home owner would be prosecuted for something.

  12. 2 lbs of prawn shells, soaked in Vietnamese fish sauce, then simmered for about 30-45 in vinegar and a half a cup of sugar.

    If that concoction finds its way into the air intakes, the smell will NEVER come out.

  13. Something like that happened to me when I was a college student. Someone who lived next door decided that he could use my house’s driveway as his own. (There were other students who lived in thehouse, on the main floor — I was renting an apartment in the basement.)

    Being unsure about these things, I called the landlord. He came by and — as was suggested above — just rolled the offending car into the street. It must not have been locked. He then reported it as blocking the street. A cop and the car’s owner showed up about the same time, and they worked it out. Never happened again.

    1. This was my idea. There are cradles you can put each wheel into once you jack it up high enough, and once all four wheels are in these cradles, you can push it around and park the tresspasser where you like.

      1. One version of those tire dollies is self-jacking. Roommate bought a full set to move a wreck that he had just received from an insurance auction. $650 for the 4. I convinced him we could move it with 3 floor jacks. (he had just paid near $5k for a ~20 y.o. Lexus. Ouch!) ( Converting his car to manual shift)

  14. My friend and I were once parked in a no-pay lot a couple of blocks of the Univ. of X basketball arena so we could go do our gymnastics practice. There was a game that night and the lot filled up. But some asshole parked a huge luxury car right across the entrance to the lot, blocking in everyone in the lot. Bear in mind that there were 40 or 50 cars in this lot with no other way out.

    We got back before the game ended, and sat on the hood of my junker (with all my tools, you never knew what would break next) waiting for the asshole to show up. Eventually the lot was full of people, and half an hour after the game ended everybody was getting pretty cranky. The car was locked up and we didn’t want to do any permanent damage, so my buddy and I dropped the driveshaft at the differential end and got a half-dozen guys to help push it out into the middle of the street. Most of the people just left, but my buddy and I, along with a couple dozen other people, got our cars out of the lot and then hung around waiting for this jerk to show up. 2 hours after the end of the game he finally showed up with his hotsy-totsy girlfriend on his arm, and proceeded to scream bloody murder at everyone standing around, which didn’t really endear him to anyone. He got back far worse than he gave.

    He finally had enough of the verbal abuse from the crowd (I think he was lucky not to be physically assaulted) and got in the car and fired it up. As soon as he dropped it into “drive” the crankshaft spun around underneath the car like a flail, sparking off the ground and beating the living crap out of the underside of the car.

    Everybody in the area laughed their asses off, and we left the scene. I don’t think anybody there ratted us out since they were all so pissed off at the guy.

  15. Day One: I’d have called for a tow. there would be no Day Two. If the car was not towed quickly enough, I’d have pushed it (none too gently) into the street, and set it on fire.

  16. My first thought was vandalism. But after ready all your comments, I can see there are many better ways.

  17. At the minimum it would be towed within hours of noticing it there. I’d get the license plate and find out how to track down the owner of it. Tow it to a bad part of town, the impound yard etc.

    If I were in a particularly bad mood, I’d get one of those cooking syringes, fill with doe urine available at the sporting goods department at Walmart etc and squirt that into the car. The shrimp bit would definitely leave a mark. Busting every bit of plastic and glass would be easy with a philips head screw driver.

    It was dumped on your property so how much can you do to the car without it being considered vandalism?


  18. Being both an elderly engineer and a coward, I’d prefer an elegant solution that would take weeks or longer to manifest itself. If I slashed the tires (or tyres if you prefer) the owner might knock on my door and, when I opened it, knock on me.

    How about squirting lots of vinegar into the differential? Acetic acid, the active ingredient in vinegar, would corrode it to death over the right time frame. Since the owner is probably a jerk to more people than just me, he’d not know whom to blame.

    Or maybe squirt it into the transmission; that would be much more expensive.

    A cheapie to fix would be superglue in the tire valve stems that he’d not discover for weeks or maybe months. This one strikes me as condign punishment for the offense. Based on the punishments discussed above, I’m being too nice, however.

    1. Renting a similar vehicle, swapping the plates with the vehicle in the driveway and then proceed to run every speed and red light camera you can.

      Return the plates to the Asshole’s vehicle and return the rental with it’s original plates.

      Pricey, but it would take a while for the tickets to start showing up.

  19. I’m with blackwing – drop the driveshaft at the rear, push it into the street.
    A driveshaft flail is short but sweet!
    Too much trouble? Do like Stencil says and remove all four valve stem cores. All in the dark of night, being sure there are no spy cameras to catch you for vandalism. If the Rover’s alarm goes off, tough. Do it again and again until the cops come by or the battery dies.

  20. Slip someone enough money to trace the tag. Film scantily clad wife/girlfriend asking into the house if her smokes were still in the car. Send video to his significant other and her divorce attorney.

    Send anonymous tip that you witnessed the vehicle being stolen and dumped.

    Remove tires and receive parking fees upon his return. Parking fees would be just under the amount for a new set of tires.

  21. Looks like abandoned property to me. Abandoned on my property. Making it mine.
    Your douchebag country/state wont allow that? Ok fine, then it has been placed into storage at my nascent storage facility, leaving vehicles overnight imply contractual agreement with all policies and fee schedules, and acceptance of waiver of liability for damage and missing parts, from valve stem caps to drivetrain. Property will be moved to … A more secure storage location (aka, my farm), and will be returned once storage, transport, and administration fees have been paid in full. How much? If you have to ask, you probably couldn’t afford it. But hey, a contract is a contract.

  22. Here in CA, the easy thing is have the cops ticket it, and towed. Illegal to block YOUR OWN driveway with YOUR car.
    If feeling nasty, slim-jim the door open, pop the hood to kill the alarm (alarms are ignored by everyone), slide hammer to remove the ignition switch so the wheels will steer (2000 and newer won’t run without the proper key) drill the front bumper to mount the towbar, and drag it to a bad area for the local denizens to strip. Must remember to remove/cover the towing vehicle’s plates, as they have plate readers everywhere now. (one of those mounted on the light pole next to my driveway on a residential street)

  23. I’d flog it for cash to the nearest dirty Pikey I could find, then hand over their number plate to the owner when he returned, and let them sort it out.

    What? You had a car on my drive? Well I never – I’ve been away mate, but I thought I got a glimpse a transit (it’s always a transit) driven by a couple three oiks the other day. N’er mind though, I got their plate number (handed over with a big, shit eating grin deployed). I’m sure the old Bill will help

  24. Whatever you do (I favor “Fire of unknown origin”), make sure you have documentation of it blocking your driveway, preferably with time-stamped photos.

  25. Just plain water in the tank will do bad things when he finally shows and drives off. Bleach is mostly water and has chlorine in it that will add corrosion to his problems.

  26. I used to play rugby, and we moved some cars off the road and onto sidewalks a couple times. Not that hard to do with a couple three forwards. Just get it bouncing a bit and then you can shimmy it sideways by alternately pushing on the end that has bounced up. Fairly good workout to improve your scrummaging and rucking technique.

    Now, I might not want to do that because it would put the vehicle into my neighbor’s yard. If the car was in the way, it would not be a problem to get it towed. If not and if not possible to get it towed, I would probably remove the wheels so the owner would need to buy them back from me. Although there are now wheels locks on cars that might make that challenging. I like the removing the valve idea.

    There are some nasty thing you can do to the finish of a car with some solvents, and they would not be immediately apparent.

  27. As I am lazy, too lazy to call a tow truck, two approaches come to mind. 1) A ‘For Sale $55’ or 2) Different sign commenting the the personal history, health, and hygiene standards of one or more protected groups.

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