1. In the days of my misspent youth I worked in a place that played a 15 minute Christmas (back when it was still called that) music loop tape. This wasn’t a retail store where I could have understood that, but a light manufacturing company. Maybe the boss – who was Jewish by the way – thought that hearing the same Christmas carols 32 times a day would make us festive. A fifty or hundred dollar Christmas bonus would have made me festive. He did let us knock off an hour early on Christmas eve.

    I’ve read many books on medieval torture techniques and after almost 50 years of diligent study I still haven’t found a punishment severe enough to be appropriate for the guy who wrote “The Little Drummer Boy”.

    1. Mary, exhausted after finally getting Jesus to sleep, is approached by a young man who thinks to himself: what this girl needs is a drum solo.

      1. That the baby Jesus was not sleeping soundly at the moment was what the German language “Silent Night” carol speaks about.

        You’re right, the baby Jesus finally falls asleep, and Ron Wilson of the Surfaris Buddy Rich comes by for his “Wipeout” drum solo.

  2. For the record I am a man of faith and love Christmas but even Jesus had His limits when He threw the thieves out of the temple.

  3. It’s still better than the worst Christmas song ever, i.e. Elvis Presley’s Blue Christmas.

    Kim, are you forgetting “Christmas Shoes,” and that Lennon/Ono fake Christmas song?

    1. For me, EVERY Yoko Ono “Song” takes every place for worst song, for however many “songs” she managed to put onto vinyl and sell — likely sound-unheard, to her relatives.
      If we’re talking about worst song by anyone else, then Blue Christmas or Christmas Shoes are definitely in the running.

  4. I’d never heard of Slade, and now I know why. I lasted 20 seconds. OrangeEnt stole part of my thunder with the Lennon offering. McCartney’s xmas ditty isn’t much better. Sounds like it was written by a 9 yr old with a rhyming dictionary.

  5. I beg to differ sir; the worst Christmas song ever is “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree”.

    “Feliz Navidad”, while not entirely bad, loses a lot of its luster when you’re stationed in Spain and AFRTS plays it twice every hour from November the 1st to the 26th of December.

    1. Yeah, but you were STATIONED in Spain.
      Try listening to that when you have to trudge through the snow of Alaska.

  6. Gotta agree with Kim. There are a number of terrible Christmas tunes out there but Elvis + backup singers who can’t carry a tune in a bucket take the coal in the stocking prize every year.

    1. Okay, you’re entitled to your opinion.
      Just remember, if you ever come to Memphis, don’t disrespect Tha Kang.
      There is absolutely no dignity in being beaten to death by a pack of blue-haired old ladies.

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