Via Insty, I read yet another one of Larry Correia’s inspired rants (go thou and read it too, yea even before thou readest further in this here Blogge), but this did catch my eye:

As a former accountant, please allow me to explain why all of today’s newly formed tax experts are fucking morons, and we should metaphorically put a brick in a sock and beat them over the head with it until they shut up.

Far be it for me to gainsay anything that the Mighty Correia has said, but even a half-brick  in a sock will only yield a couple of whacks before the sock frays and breaks.  (And yes, I know he said “metaphorically”, but I’m a literal kinda guy.)

For sustained head-whacking with enhanced hosiery, I suggest a good old Idaho potato, the fresher the better.  When the potato starts getting mushy with use (which takes a surprisingly long time), it’s a matter of a moment to replace it with a fresh one.

And if the local supermarket is closed and a potato is not to hand, gravel or beach sand will work equally well, especially if dampened before half-filling the sock. And if all else fails, take a D battery out of your MagLite, and insert into the Sock Of Doom.  (The D is the optimal size — larger will break the sock, smaller doesn’t achieve the proper velocity or momentum.)

Don’t ask me how I know all this.  We can discuss at some other time whether your Easton Marlowe is better than Calvin Klein, or whether dress socks are a better fit [sic]  for purpose than athletic ones.

No need to thank me, it’s all part of the service.


  1. For the team, I waded through 4, count em, 4 of the major news sites of the day on this Trump-Tax thing. It’s just like Correia said.

    Most people today can barely manage filling out a 1040a and everything more than that is far beyond their grasp. The criminal media knows this and runs it into the ground with fake everything.

    Trump paid his daughter $750k. So fucking what? I started my architecture biz in 1986 when our son was 7 years old and when he was 10 he was on my payroll. Guess what? 34 year later he is STILL on my payroll. And since he has been a business owner since 2000 I have been on HIS payroll. We both “consult” with each other frequently using phones, computers, and yes even the snail mail and ALL of the costs thereof are all written off as business expenses. People that do NOT do these things, and more, are simply wasting their money. Truly, in all dealings with the IRS you have to play the game to your advantage or take it up the ass big time. Clearly, all the naysayers about Trumps taxes have square miles of road rashed assholes created by the tax thieves and are too stupid/lazy to do anything about it – or are bald faced lying shitstains.

  2. A couple bucks worth of pennies (unrolled) in a double tube sock works just fine too. Or if you wish to go old-school, a length of garden hose (brass coupler optional).

    1. Problem with pennies is that when the sock breaks, and it will, the pennies fly all over the place. Very messy. You want a single weight in your tube sock.

      1. How about a couple rolls of pennies (the type from the bank, shrink-wrapped in plastic) wrapped together in duct tape?

        I think this calls for experimentation. Think I’ll go to the Dollar Store and buy a few packs of tube socks, get a potato, some pennies (wrapped and unwrapped), a D-battery, and some sand, gravel and rocks, line up some Democrats, and see what works best. To find victims I’ll go outside holding a sign that says “Trump/Pence 2020” and see who gives me a hard time.

        Point to consider: If you plan your first couple whacks properly, you don’t have to CHASE your intended victim any further but can still inflict pain, knees work well, as do gonads.

        1. The weight and shape of the pennies will break the sock fast. The weight and shape of the potato will never do that.

          (put’s engineer hat on)

          Use an apple corer to cut a hole in the potato, but not all the way through, shove the penny roll down in there, then plug the hole with the cut out.

          Now you have the shape of the potato AND the weight of the pennies. Might wanna put one sock inside another for durability.

          One more thing. If you wrap the roll of pennies with duct tape before inserting it into the potato, then put the potato in a zip lock bag and squeeze all the air out, after you’re done laying waste to a couple dozen communist skallz you can go home and have a nice bowl of mashed potatoes. Don’t forget the budda and baken bits.

      2. Seems to me that you could mix your loose pennies in some of that canned rubber seal stuff they sell on TV. As it’s drying you can mold it into whatever shape you choose. Then, if the tube sock wears through, all your pennies will be easier to pick up and use again.

      3. Raymond Chandler knew the limits of rolled coins, too. In “The Big Sleep, the baddie, Lash Canino belts Philip Marlow with a roll of nickels in his hand, and the paper around them broke.

  3. As always, my Readers can take things way past ridiculous and all the way past fukken insane.

    I’m so proud of you.

  4. Also did Tax Returns in the past. One of the returns was for a partner in a Boston Venture Capital Company. It wasn’t just one return. 4 of us worked for 6 months on a complex pyramid of interlocking S corps and Partnerships where income flowed from one to another and then onto various Trusts and family members. It was hopelessly Complicated and was all laid out in a giant spreadsheet. There were also multiple versions of the spread sheet each dependent on different interpretations of the Tax code. Whichever version worked out to his best advantage was the one that was ultimately submitted.

    The VC Partner said he would much rather pay us than the IRS as was his right to do. He was always 4 steps ahead of any proposed changes to the Tax Laws which took years to change.

    ….. and his business interests were small when compared to Trump’s.

    That’s why I know that whatever the NY Slimes made up, it’s complete fake BS.

    1. I think Larry might’ve borked uploading his rant. Go to the main page and you can get at it there.

  5. Golf balls, no sharp edges, excellent rigidity to weight ratio. What else are you going to do with them?Chase them across a green field?

  6. Pillow case with 4 or 5 soda cans, unopened, of course. Afterwards, you can quench your thirst. After you let it settle a bit. Sean Penn approves.

    1. skutertramp:

      This version is out of date. The cans are now about 1/3 as thick as they used to be, so are quite delicate. Good for maybe one hit, if you are lucky. Damn things leak easily, so don’t leave cans rolling around on the floor of your car, either.

  7. “Don’t ask me how I know all this.”

    Was there a “Code Red” or two during your time in the Seffrican military?

  8. Until I see the entire paper returns, this is all attempted October surprise smear.
    On a technicality in a sort of barracks lawyering way, he may have paid $750 in income tax. When you have real estate investments, there is a lot of debt and other expenses, all of which are legitimately written off. Thanks to the Democrats in Congress almost fifty years ago, such investors become subject to another tax, the Alternative Minimum Tax. In some way, that is not an income tax, so while he could pay zero income tax, his AMT could simultaneously amount to millions of dollars.
    A key and important distinction missed by the media lickspittle lackeys.
    Once again, the truth of the aphorism, “A truth that’s told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent.”

    1. The NYSlimes also failed to mention the millions in taxes paid by and for (Social Security) his hundreds or thousands of employees, his real estate and personal property taxes, and the taxes and fees paid by the thousands of people he and his contractors employ in his hundreds of projects.
      It must be an attempt to wash away the stink of the anonymously alleged “Trump dissed military dead so as not to muss his hair” story refuted by 20+ named sources who were there, including John Bolton who has no love for Trump.

  9. I haven’t laughed so hard in quite a while! A bar of soap used to work when I was in, but I’m open to golf balls! 😀

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