Incentive And Compromise

How would you like to own a house like this one, set in 1,100 acres of the gorgeous Wiltshire countryside:

According to its Wikipedia entry:

The grounds of the house are noted for their re-established wildlife, including fallow deer.  The grounds are also noted as one of the top game bird shooting venues in the country:  The Field  magazine voted it one of the UK’s ten top venues for pheasant shooting.

Sounds all very pleasant, doesn’t it?  As it happens, Ashcombe House belongs to movie director Guy Ritchie (of Lock Stock and Snatch fame), who came into ownership of the place as part of his divorce settlement from Madonna.

Which leads me to this question — posed to me originally by The Fiend Englishman — and, I think, it’s really a difficult one:

Would you sleep with Madonna for a couple-three years (as Ritchie did) if you knew that at the end of it all, you’d come to possess this fantastic estate?

Just so we’re clear on the topic, though:  we’re not talking about this Madonna:

…nor even this Madonna:

No, we’re talking about this Madonna:

Now before everyone runs screaming from the room, I should point out (as did The Englishman) that along the way, you would probably have learned more than a few revolting naughty bedroom tricks which may (repeat may ) have made the eventual ownership of Ashcombe House a little less unpleasant;  and indeed, Ritchie seems to have escaped more-or-less unscathed from his years-long encounter with Madge, along with possession of both his venereal health and his genitalia (which I admit thinking would have been a long shot in both cases).

So, Gentle Readers:  a magnificent estate with lots of prime birdshooting, in exchange for a few years of plunging into Madame Grotesque’s well-trodden pudenda?  Or is no real estate worth that sacrifice?

Your thoughts, in Comments.


  1. I consider a full Class A hazmat suit and repeated baths in the strongest disinfectant available barely adequate protection to even look at Madona’s pictures. To answer your question I’ll paraphrase some Biblical wisdom – “What does it profit a man to gain the whole world and lose his self respect, his sanity, his health, probably his manly parts, and most definitely his soul?”

  2. I suspect the only reason he’s still “in possession of both his venereal health and his genitalia” is because the doctors have not yet diagnosed what will come to be known as Guy Ritchie Disease.

    Besides, I can’t imagine you’d get any actual SENSATION from making the beast-with-two backs with her, it would have to be like waving a hot-dog in the Lincoln Tunnel. Or as my Dad was wont to say, if she’d had as many sticking out of her as she had sticking in her, she’d look like a porcupine.

    As I mentioned before, she’s only five years older than I am, and she was hot shit when I was a young man (early-mid 20s), back when she looked sort-of presentable, and even then, when my entire body was a support system for a sex drive, I’d have thought far more than twice before going there. More recently? Not with your member, with some third party doing the pushing.

    I hope I was sufficiently clear.

  3. Looks like a giant money pit to me. A 400 year old house? The few interior photos I saw were not to my taste. Stark and cold. What are the Taxes on 1100 acres? Guy Riche got screwed on that deal! He got the stuck with the bottom of the list properties while Madonna got the houses in LA, NYC and Miami. He got the money pits.

  4. Not in the UK. Find a similar place in the US (excluding California) and I’ll think about it.

    I won’t think very long, of course, and the answer will still be “Hell No!”

    Maybe in 1982, when I was 18 and she was moderately hot. I still probably couldn’t make it for 3 years.

  5. Damn. GT3Ted beat me to it.

    Who’s paying the taxes?

    Not with your pecker, my friend. She’s a little high mileage for me and eventually you’d have to talk to her.

  6. I love all the self rightous responses. Last time I checked, scruples were 13 cents a dozen on the open market. Where have all the manwhores gone?! Now, where to put the gun room…….

  7. Gotta say, as much as I love shooting off shotguns at flying things… nah, I couldn’t do it.

    It’s not just The Material Girl’s sloppy pudenda — as though that weren’t bad enough — that would put me off; it’s the fucking 24/7 media shitstorm that accompanies being in her presence full-time. And it’s worse in Britain than here, by an order of magnitude.

  8. I remember reading about them buying this place about 18 (?) years ago and at first good old Madonna was in favor of the old shooting traditions but it was not long before the nitwits got to her and her views changed to don’t shoot the little birdies or pretty little deer. Could a person put plugs in his ears and then drink her purty, at least purty enough to get consummated? I don’t know but with that nice place for the eventual pay out it might be worth trying.

    Now I would think an annuity that would provide for a working budget and perhaps ownership of the peasants, in place, to take care of the pheasants would go with the transfer of title would also be reasonable.

  9. having slept with worse for less i think i could take one for the team. daily pheasant shoots would be pleasant diversions. now to get the skank to include an annuity to keep the thing afloat

  10. Laugh out loud funny post, but the comments are even funnier!

    Made my whole quarantined day, thank to you all! 😀

  11. Honestly, I’ve stuck my John Thomas into worse for less, so….

    I mean, that kind of money buys high fences so you don’t get seen by the neighbors, and notice them pointing, and saying to their kin, “That’s the bloke who shagged the Unholy One, and I’m not talking Pelosi.”
    High. Walls. Imperative.

  12. If ownership didn’t come with massive headaches, it might – MIGHT – be worth considering. The acreage looks nice. And it isn’t as if she looks like Shrillary Clinton. But an 18th Century house? In England, where they expect you to clear any renovation with a bunch of historical nit-pickers who don’t have too live with 18th century plumbing?

    No. Thanks.

    Wait. Would I get to turn her over my knee and wallop her rear?


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