5 Worst Excuses For Leaving Work Early

We’ve all done it, but here are the worst, in ascending order of ridiculousness:

  • I have to leave now, it’s Happy Hour at the Rose & Crown
  • I have to pick my grandmother up at the airport (bonus if the speaker is over the age of 50)
  • I have to get to the liquor store before it closes
  • I broke my fingernail and I have an emergency appointment at the nail salon (female; if male, I don’t want to talk to you)
  • I have to take my Mom to the maternity ward

Bonus points for guessing which one was mine.

Your suggestions in Comments.


  1. The laxative just kicked in
    I got “it” caught in my zipper
    I have to bring my car to the mechanic (when everyone knows you don’t drive)
    My wife just called to tell me she’s fertile NOW
    I have to go to a Hillary Clinton rally

  2. Kim, everyone here should know that the happy hour excuse was yours. 😉

    1. The funny part being that my boss would say, “Great idea. Got a second gun with you?”

  3. My Prius just went over 5,000 miles on the way to work and I have to get my oil changed and rotate my tires before I make the ten mile drive home.

  4. “I have to get to the liquor store before it closes”

    As an employer, I’d consider that a completely valid reason for leaving early.

  5. “There is a youtube celebrity doing a signing of his new adult coloring book and I already spent $100 on tickets to it.”

  6. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez is giving a one hour lecture on “Paleswinians and the Gaza Greenhouses; Trading Food for Scrap Metal”, and I don’t want to miss that!

  7. I’ve got to tee off before the golf league gets there.
    And, yes, I’ve used it.

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