For men or women:
- The seaside (where you’ll soon discover why sandpaper used to be made with beach sand)
- Lena Dunham’s bedroom
- Any public restroom
- On an active movie set or at a frat house party (pretty much the same thing, nowadays)
- Harvey Weinstein’s hotel room
Your suggestions in Comments. Extra points if it’s a place where you actually had sex for the first time.
Ranked in ascending order of awfulness;
- Cold lamp pole (in sub-zero temperatures)
- Hot gun barrel
- Electric socket
- Horse’s ass
- Kathy Griffin (projectile vomit warning)
Your suggestions in Comments, as usual.
Ranked in ascending order of awfulness, as always:
- “Sorry about your inheritance, kids; but I think I still owe the I.R.S. four million dollars.”
- “I’m not your real father, Jimmy; Harvey Weinstein is.”
- “Kids, I’ve got ten million dollars stashed in a secret account in… urgggglllgh.”
- In your dying delirium, telling Claire you always loved her, when your wife’s name is Patricia.
- “I’ve got a terrible secret to tell you: my whole life, I’ve always voted Democrat.”
Your own suggestions in Comments, as always. Tastelessness preferred.
Ranked in ascending order of dreadfulness:
- “Heil Hitler!”
- “As the best man, let me start by apologizing to everyone that the groom didn’t show up for the ceremony today…”
- “Ladies and gentlemen, and those who’ve had the operation…”
- “Before I start my speech, let me first tell you the joke about the nigger, the Jewboy and the faggot…”
- “Tonight I want to explain how I lost the election to Donald Trump…”
Your own suggestions in Comments, as always.
…because we’ve already explored the five worst things to hear after sex:
- “Sorry, I guess my diarrhea hasn’t finished yet”
- “Can you go a little deeper?”
- “I think you’re making my genital warts bleed”
- “I wish I was anywhere else but here right now”
- “When I said you were tighter than a 10-year-old, that was supposed to be a compliment.”
Your suggestions in Comments. If they were actually said to you (e.g. the penultimate one, in my case), so much the better.
…and I don’t mean the actors playing them, I mean if the movie characters were actual people.
- Reverend Harry Powell (Robert Mitchum) in Night of The Hunter
- John Doe (Kevin Spacey) in Se7en
- DIana Christensen (Faye Dunaway) in Network
- Tony Manero (John Travolta) in Saturday Night Fever
- Any character ever played by Alan Alda.
I ignored all the bad guys in slasher movies, because I’ve never seen a slasher movie.
Your suggestions in Comments.