5 Worst Cartridges

Ranked in ascending order of awfulness:

  • .45 GAP — Glock’s answer to… what was the question again?
  • any “Short Magnum” rifle cartridge — e.g. .300 WSM, .270 WSM, etc. They don’t do anything their longer predecessors can’t already do, their sharply-shouldered casings can cause feeding problems, and they were really just a sales gimmick like today’s new darling, the 6.5mm Creedmoor.
  • FN 5.7x28mm — expensive and designed by modern-day Europeans, it’s basically a .22 Win Mag, just worse.
  • .22 Hornet — while a good performer, it’s difficult to reload because of the tapered casing, and other .22 cartridges (e.g. the .223 and .222 Rem) perform as well or better.
  • .25 ACP / 6.35mm Browning — as the saying goes, if you ever shoot someone with this little thing, and he finds out about it, you’re going to be in trouble.

Your suggestions on the topic in Comments.

5 Worst Ballads Ever Written

Ranked in ascending order of awfulness, and all inexplicably popular:

  • MacArthur’s Park — Richard Harris (most obscure and meaningless lyrics ever)
  • All Out Of Love — Air Supply (actually, any AS ballad could be inserted here)
  • Halleluya — Leonard Cohen (maudlin cheesy tearjerker)
  • It Don’t Matter To Me — Bread (beta-male whining)
  • Diary — Bread (the ultimate cuckold song)

No links; I refuse to be party to mass vomiting.

Your suggestions on the topic in Comments.

5 Worst Pieces Of Advice

Ranked in ascending order of awfulness:

  • Cops like it when you playfully wave a gun at them during a traffic stop
  • If you don’t like the Republican candidate, vote for the Democrat as a protest
  • The Second Amendment will protect you from arrest if you’re carrying a handgun in New Jersey
  • Not all women are like that
  • Swipe right — hey, you’re in Bangkok; what could possibly go wrong?

Your suggestions in Comments.

5 Worst Headlines To Wake Up To

In ascending order of awfulness:

  • Democrats Take House, Senate And White House In Election Upset
  • Sen. Chuck Schumer Named To Head BATF
  • “Not Guilty” Verdict In Clinton/Obama Treason Trial
  • N. Korean ICBM Strikes Hit San Diego, Miss Seattle, Portland, Berkeley
  • Amy Schumer Married To [your name] After Wild Night In Vegas

Your suggestions in Comments. The more tasteless, the better.

5 Worst Things To Hear After Sex

Ranked in order of awfulness:

For a man to hear:

  • “Did I come? No.”
  • “OMG — is that my husband’s car pulling into the driveway?”
  • “No, my herpes flare-up is completely over.”
  • “Hello? Is that the Campus Rape Counsel Office?”
  • “My name is Lena Dunham.”

For a woman to hear:

  • “Well, I’m never going to buy that brand of condom again.”
  • “I have to go — my wife’s going to wonder why I’m so late.”
  • “To be honest, I preferred your kid sister.”
  • “I thought you’d enjoy anal sex.”
  • “Welcome to the Kennedy Compound.”

5 Worst Children’s Books

Ranked as always in ascending order of awfulness:

  • Games To Play With Daddy’s Hunting Knife
  • What’s That Noise? Explaining Those Scary Sounds That Come From Mommy and Daddy’s Bedroom
  • Daddy Divorced Mommy Because Of You
  • Mommy’s New Boyfriend REALLY Loves You
  • It Takes A Village: Hillary Rodham Clinton