Way-Too-Grand National

I must confess that I have been disappointed in Aintree this year.  In times past, we have been treated to Train Smash Women Central, where almost every oversized Scouse totty has been poured into an undersized dress, where the skin on display has been a.) too bountiful and b.) covered with tattoos, and where the opening of the on-course pubs has led to public intoxication of epic levels.

Not so this year.  In fact, the Ladies of Aintree have been, by their past deplorable standards, quite demure and —  well, “classy” may be taking the thing a little too  far — but they showed a touch of good taste seen not just in one or two cases, but all over the place.  Witness:

…where except for the oversized red number, the women look quite decent.  And others followed suit:

Well, this is all very well, but I don’t go to the Daily Mail’s Aintree coverage to see pictures of well-dressed women, just as people don’t go to car races to admire the teams’ colors.  We want Train Smash Women, tattoos, drunkenness, and in the latter case, multi-car pile-ups, FFS.

Thankfully, Aintree finally woke up and reverted to character (twice)… and not only in terms of the women.

They’d better bring the Train Smash Women back next year, though.  On to… Ascot, I think.  Let’s hope we have better luck there.

WHM — First-Timer

Here’s the final post of my “Women’s History Month” series, and it’s a slightly more ummm eccentric choice.

To those who know me, it will come as no surprise that I’ve always had an eye for the ladies:  I had my first proper kiss (on the mouth) with a girl at age 6 (hi, Lynette!), and beautiful girls and women always fascinated me, whether in person or in pictures.

But the first woman I ever saw who ever provoked an actual physical response from me (yeah, the bulging trousers effect) happened at age (I think) 10, when I saw a picture (not this one) of Ursula Andress:

Good grief.  I think the pic was a still from the movie Nightmare In The Sun, but I can’t find it anywhere.

And of course, we all know about Dr. No  and Honeychile Ryder (but I didn’t see that one until much later, my parents having decided that it was too “grown-up” a movie for a 7-year-old boy).

Image by © John Springer Collection/CORBIS

So there you have it:  the first beautiful woman to give Kim a woody.  If that isn’t an historic occasion, I don’t know what is.

Oops — It’s WHM

Looks like I either missed or forgot that March is, apparently, Women’s History Month.  My apologies to the ladies:  chalk it up to my anarcho-patriarchal oppressive instinct or something.  So in belated honor of the thing, allow me to post some pictures of Historical Women each day for the rest of the month.  Here’s the first:

Photo:  Library of Congress

That’s Audrey Munson, and in historical terms, she was the first American leading actress to appear completely nude in a feature film (Inspiration, 1915).  Here’s a scene from the movie:

Photo:  Wikimedia

As I stated above, more historical ladies will appear on these pages until Sunday March 31.  And once again, my apologies to the ladies.

And for the easily-shocked / prudish:  it’s not smut, it’s history.

Random Totty

Who said:

“There is nothing wrong with being a woman who enjoys sex or having more than the average number of sexual partners. I have a good sex life and I am having fun with discreet people — but I have to be careful about who I am having sex with.”

Sounds like a good time, yes?

We don’t know who she is Over Here, but a lot of people know her in Britishland as a runner-up in the dreadful “Apprentice” (the “Lord Sugar” version, not the “POTUS” one), and as a businesswoman in her own right.  She is of Greek heritage, and her name is Luisa Zissman:

Credit: WENN.com

Photo by David M. Benett/Getty Images

Photo by Mike Marsland/WireImage

(C) Boundless – Photographer: Jim Marks

One would imagine that with a ummmm social  attitude as above, Miss Luisa would have had a fairly active history, and she has (see here).  Fluctuations in the dimensions of her superstructure have largely to do with the fact that she is frequently pregnant (quelle surprise, non? ).

I don’t care about any of that, and nor should you.  She could probably launch a thousand ships before lunchtime.

No Irish Need Apply

Oh gawd… it’s St. Patrick’s Day (a.k.a. “St. Fat Prick’s Day” to us non-Irish), which means that there will be green foolishness all over the place, even at Cheltenham:

…not to mention that tonight there’ll be a whole bunch more amateur drunks falling all over the place, even here in north Texas.

It’s ironic that this bullshit is also happening over in Britishland today:

 Military veterans have slammed a decision to charge a former British soldier with the murder of two men in the Bloody Sunday shootings nearly 50 years ago. The man, named only as ‘Soldier F’, is one of 17 former members of the 1st Battalion Parachute Regiment who were investigated over the violence which left 13 people dead in Londonderry in 1972. The ex-soldier, who is now thought to be in his 70s, faces trial for the alleged murders of James Wray and William McKinney and the alleged attempted murders of Joseph Friel, Michael Quinn, Joe Mahon and Patrick O’Donnell.
The landmark decision to prosecute him has angered Armed Forces groups, who contrasted his treatment with the many IRA terrorists who have been let off during the peace process.
Critics of the probe point out that around 200 IRA fugitives, thought to be behind a series of terror attacks during the Troubles, were sent so-called ‘comfort letters’, assuring them they were no longer suspects.

Needless to say, Mr. Free Market (who is ex-1st Paras himself) is not in a good mood today, and he informed me earlier that there are a WHOLE lot of angry ex-airborne types running around, e.g.

And so do I.  Anyone who guns down a bunch of terrorists has my complete approval.

As Mr. FM adds:  “This will run for a bit, a lot of people will get pissed off & the Irish will not be happy. They never are.”

I have to admit, going back to Cheltenham for a moment, that this man is showing The Right Stuff:

Yes, he’s wearing a green jacket, but the orange (Protestant) trousers and tie are guaranteed to set off the Micks.  Definitely a little needle, there.

Gah.  I think I’ll just stay with some of the proper Cheltenham totties, to keep my spirits up.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to the range.  All that new 9mm ammo isn’t going to shoot itself, despite what the Gun-Fearing Wussies think.  And for once, I’ll forego the usual silhouette target type and go with this one:

He looks sufficiently IRA, don’t you think?