For all those
fools people who have been eating white meat instead of red meat because Studies Show That Red Meat Will Kill You Dead, here’s the latest study:
Eating chicken puts consumers at a higher risk of a rare form of blood cancer, non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma, as well as prostate cancer in men, according to researchers from Oxford University.
Of course, my skepticism about all these “studies” has been well-documented, and no doubt the next study will say that in fact, eating chicken will cure cancer, not cause it.
Red meat stops your heart, poultry gives you cancer, cannibalism seems to be illegal, and no meat causes your brain to shrink. So basically, we’re fucked. To quote a well-known sage (Joe Jackson): everything gives you cancer.
Next thing they’ll be telling us that it’s not the full English breakfast that will kill you, it’s the pint of gin you wash it down with.
Like that’s going to stop me.