“Dear Dr. Kim”

“Dear Dr. Kim:

“I’m an elderly actor, and I’m told that I’m still quite ‘hot’ (whatever that means) and certainly, I seem to have no problem attracting women, in many cases a lot younger than myself.

“In fact, that seems to be my major problem.  Many years ago I was more-or-less happily married to a woman who was also quite ‘hot’ — I certainly found her to be so, which was in no small part why I married her — and we had two sons, both now in their middle age.

“The problem really is that when I was a young man, I was quite certainly attractive to women not my wife, and I strayed quite a bit, so to speak, when opportunity presented itself.

“Anyway, when I confessed my indiscretions to my wife, she tossed me out and divorced me.

“All that’s in the distant past, and I’m happy to say that we have remained friends despite all that trouble.

“I kind of wish that I hadn’t got divorced, in fact.  While I’ve had no end of willing bedmates since…

“Dr. Kim, what’s your take on all this?”

Dancer, London UK

Dear Dancer,

Your problem is not that you strayed;  hell, when faced with a plethora of warm, moist and willing female pudenda, few men are able to resist that siren call.

Your problem — a rookie mistake, in one of mature years — is that you admitted said indiscretions to your wife.  Now that that bullet has passed through the church, so to speak, it remains only for your mistake to be made known to other men, and here’s the advice:

Never, ever admit to your spouse that you inserted your phallus into any extramarital orifice.  Unless you are actually caught in flagrante delicto — and by that, I mean in the very act of making the beast with two backs (as a former Shakespearean actor, you are no doubt familiar with the source of the expression) — no man should ever admit to infidelity.

Of course, with modern technology, such a denial may be impossible — ask ex-President “BJ” Clinton — and if the doxy gets pregnant, the same technology may also compel an admission and doom your marriage.

But otherwise, keep shtum  and deny, deny, deny.  Ignore the advice of (mostly female) agony aunts that you’ll feel better after you’ve got things off your chest or “come clean” [sic]:  you won’t, as you discovered.  If the conscience thing is that strong in you, the time to exercise it is prior- and not post insertion.

Monday Funnies

Apparently last week’s Funnies were too silly, so today we’ll go all cerebral, with historical references, brain teasers and stuff.

 

 


(this may become a series on this website)

And now some interfaith adorableness:

And an exercise in relativity:

Finally:  also from last week, there were a few (hundred) moans about the modesty of the ladies’ clothing, so today we’ll make things just a tad racier:

Now off you go to work, and make your own party.

Try not to kill anyone.

News Roundup

And why so many?  Try this little tidbit:


...just sayin’.

Some Election 2024 News:


...read the article to see the truth about “Form EL-131”.  Then feel the burn...

In Financial News:


...starve the fuckers.

And some International News:


...funny how Commie votes are always “unanimous”, isn’t it?


...let ’em eat bugs;  the government apparatchiks, I mean.


... [/Frank Zappa]

In ShowBiz News:


...if they want to add more fantasy to Bond movies, they’ll have to bring in dragons and elves.

And in Health News:


...especially goblins.



...and the ad copy writes itself:  “Better Woodies, Longer Life!

From the anals [sic] of Wokedom:


...seems like it was consensual, so I can’t see the problem here. [j/k]

And from the front lines of Sex Wars:


...but of course, he’ll still be on the hook for child support.
#BelieveAllWomen

And in some 

And strolling down :


...”thrills”, hey?  Let’s have a look:

Yeah, I guess that’s kinda “thrilling” — and the end of the news.

News Roundup

And speaking of women needing Nervine:


...maybe with each other, but no man should.  And then there’s this:


...I don’t know if there’s enough Nervine left for this one — unless she’s the one who cornered the stuff.

Now for some Good Tidings:


And in Election News:


...keyword:  Russia — but coming soon to a polling place near you.


...I guess “We’re totally fucked” was judged to be too inappropriate a summary.

In Legal Notes:


...well, “Jesus” told me she needs a swift cunt punt, but I managed to control myself.


...proving that when it comes to the law nowadays, there’s no room for facts and sanity.


...let’s hear it for the Second Amendment.

In Millennial News:


...well, except that it’s not your fucking money — yet — so they can spend it on whatever they want… you selfish asshole.

In Sporting News:


...and that’s just for the Swedish Olympic team.


...not that anyone would notice, or care.

And when it comes to  


...you don’t say, Jen!  Here she was, back then: 

...and here’s what she looks like today, around 51:

Still quite toothsome with, I suspect, a teensy-weensy bit of  surgical help.

And that’s the news.

Conditions

Here’s a headline that got me thinking:

The state of Michigan is reportedly pushing a program offering citizens $500 a month to take in migrants.

The program, called the Newcomer Rental Subsidy, is set to provide shelter outside state shelters for “refugees.” The assistance would be available to homeowners for up to a year.

Were I not living in a tiny apartment in Texas but in a large-ish suburban house in Michigan, I might be tempted to take the Idiot State up on its offer.

I know, I know;  but run with me on this one.

Of course, there would be (several non-negotiable) pre-conditions for my acceptance, such as:

  • Only single females aged between 25-40
  • Unmarried / not engaged / no boyfriend
  • No children
  • Close resemblance to Salma Hayek
  • Must be prepared to teach me Spanish, starting with conversational topics such as “Please undress me now”, and phrases of that nature
  • Must know how to cook meals not just Mexican. e.g. steak, eggs and chips, toasties etc.
  • Must accept “cash tips” for services rendered around the house, e.g. laundry, ironing, massages and other personal services

…I think you’re getting the picture.

Otherwise, of course, the state could stick it up its ass.