Tag: Humor

Stuff that makes me laugh

Wasted Money

Entertainment

I note this development with something approaching gloom:

Amber Heard has finally paid Johnny Depp the $1million settlement she owed him after their bitter legal battle – as the Pirates of the Caribbean star vows to split it five ways among his favorite charities.

Depp and his ex-wife eventually settled their defamation claims against each other in December after five years of furious legal battles.

I know, ’tis a noble thing to do, giving away that demented tart’s money to worthy causes etc. etc.  And I know that Depp has enough money so that he can afford to give a million spondulicks away.

But I also wish he’d spent just a little of that money on something completely frivolous — say, a flashy Ferrari with a custom plate reading “BYTE MEBTCH” — because there’s nothing like creating a constant reminder to all the other gold-digging whores (thank you, Bill Burr) who want to enrich themselves at their wealthy paramours’ expense.

Actually, it would be a public service.

News Roundup

Bad News

And in Very Important News For Womyns:


...feministas cheer at clear proof that they really don’t need men in their lives.  Also, Epsteiner Bill Clinton claims to have an alibi.


...I would have thought that a trip to any Disney theme park would ipso facto ruin a holiday, but maybe that’s just me.


...I liked this Cuban hottie the minute I first read about her.


...I never frequent Taco Bell so I’m immune to this horror, but some people may be interested.

From the Dept. of Global Cooling Climate Warming Change:


...with approximately 53.9999 billion tonnes coming solely from the Third World (e.g. India and China), so send someone to scold them.  Oh look, here’s a candidate:


...especially you, Fuckface.

From the Desirable Consequences files:


...I’ve never thought we should emulate anything that Haiti does, but maybe I was too hasty.

In LGBTOSTFU News:


...this is known as “Pedal To The Metal” marketing.


...see above.

From the Great Cultural Assimilation Project:


...I can just see the Somalis lining up for those Gender Studies classes.


...never a random Haitian around when you need one.

And a refreshing dose of link-free INSIGNIFICA:

  

...you had me at “pussy bows”.

And on that topic:


...any time, any place, RollerGirl.

And that’s all the news that’s fit to drool over.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

And off we go, trying to alleviate the horror…

And speaking of Eve and her descendants:

Little strong?  Okay, maybe something still old-fashioned, but a little less Biblical…

 

And away you go, into the rest of the week.

News Roundup

Bad News

Speaking of things which leave a bad taste in yer mouth:


...seeing as fuck-all happened to him after the first two, I’ll take “Same again” for $400, Alex.

Speaking of non-binaries, lesbians and the like:


...doesn’t get much worse than being thrashed by a bunch of old Welshmen, does it?


...just wait till some smart guy makes AI work in a RealDoll:  it’ll be all over for Teh Grrrrlz.  And speaking of isolation dreams:


...wait, I thought that during Covidiocy, people couldn’t… oh, never mind.

And more from the Dept. of Public Fearmongering:


...wait:  tuberculosis?  [yawwwwwwwwwwwwwn]  Also keyword:  South Africa.

And from the Dept. Of Education Child Abuse:


…hey, it’s the King James Bible, a veritable orgy fountain of violence, vulgarity and impure thought.


...well, it isn’t.  Not among ordinary Texans, anyway.  Among perv teachers and anarchists, however...

From the Act Your Fucking Age Department:


...so much for his expensive elder-care insurance policy.


...I’m sure some gold-digging whore special someone will overlook his creepy Scientology beliefs and three failed marriages, and will declare the billionaire dwarf to be the Man Of Her Dreams.

And in the Lawn Order Files:


...”But Kim, he’s just a little old man!”  Use a little old rope.


...and here I thought it was just their secret hot dog salt.  Now I have to find another takeout place.


...”Where can I send this list of Jeffrey Epstein’s clients?”

And speaking of outtakes, here’s yet more (link-free) INSIGNIFICA:

Finally, after a lengthy absence, our Paige Three Report returns:


...and is there a better combination?

And that’s it for the nooooz.