Spies Sources tell me that the following names for new car models were once suggested in various countries, but rejected for some strange reason or another. From bad to worst (and one which was actually accepted):
(Actually, both Lambo and VW have been jointly responsible for some of the worst car names in history, so no surprise that they’re #1 and #2.)
Your suggestions in Comments…
Somebody note the date: I agree almost completely with The Atlantic magazine, at least as far as this article is concerned (thankee, Insty), and I urge you to read it all, if you have the time:
Restaurants are so loud because architects don’t design them to be quiet. Much of this shift in design boils down to changing conceptions of what makes a space seem upscale or luxurious, as well as evolving trends in food service. Right now, high-end surfaces connote luxury, such as the slate and wood of restaurants including The Osprey in Brooklyn or Atomix in Manhattan.
This trend is not limited to New York. According to Architectural Digest, mid-century modern and minimalism are both here to stay. That means sparse, modern decor; high, exposed ceilings; and almost no soft goods, such as curtains, upholstery, or carpets. These [minimalist] design features are a feast for the eyes, but a nightmare for the ears. No soft goods and tall ceilings mean nothing is absorbing sound energy, and a room full of hard surfaces serves as a big sonic mirror, reflecting sound around the room.
Now add over-loud “background” music to the clamor as well as noisy patrons (Americans are a loud-spoken bunch at the best of times), and it’s enough to make me order soup just so I can drink it through a straw while holding my hands over my ears.
I’ve bitched about this trend in the past, but mostly to complain about the music selection (tinny pop pablum or bass-heavy rap/R&B). But last week I had breakfast with Doc Russia in some new (and overpriced) breakfast place, and in a room which contained maybe six paying customers (out of over fifty seats), the noise was so bad (hard surfaces plus loud music) that I longed for my shooting lids.
Come to think of it, I think I’ll start carrying my ear protection with me when I go out from now on, and put them on if the place is too noisy. My lids are noise-sensitive (with the little volume adjustment thingies on the side) so they are perfectly adequate for conversation. I will, however, shout loudly at the waiter when ordering my food; what the fuck, the restaurant clearly doesn’t mind excessive noise, right?
I’m sounding a little flippant about this, but I’m not joking at all. As it is, my tinnitus makes hearing occasionally difficult, but impossibly-so in a loud environment.
Don’t get me started on “mid-century modern and minimalism; sparse, modern decor; high, exposed ceilings; stainless-steel tabletops, slate-tile floors, and exposed ductwork; and sparse and sleek [decor], with hardwood floors and colorful Danish chairs with tapered legs seated beside long, light-colored wood tables”. A less inviting scenario for a meal I can’t even begin to imagine. And please: don’t give me that crap about how hard surfaces are easier to clean and to keep clean: that’s putting the needs of the business ahead of those of its customers, which mistake should cause the business to fail quickly — but sadly, that doesn’t seem to be the case here, I suspect because we’ve just become accustomed to the clamor.
The article has it right:
The result is a loud space that renders speech unintelligible. Now that it’s so commonplace, the din of a loud restaurant is unavoidable. That’s bad for your health—and worse for the staff who works there. But it also degrades the thing that eating out is meant to [engender]: a shared social experience that rejuvenates, rather than harms, its participants.
Considering that I go out to eat with friends or family where the primary motivation is social — conversation and companionship — and the food (no matter how fine) a distant second, it should come as no surprise that over time, I have become less and less likely to eat out.
In fact, strike the above thought about taking hearing protection when going out. In future, I’ll walk into the restaurant and if the clamor is overpowering, I’ll just tell the restaurateur: “Sorry, but your place is too noisy. I’m going somewhere quieter.” And please note that I’m not talking about a restaurant full of people having a good time: that’s a different situation altogether. But if the place is noisy because everyone has to scream to make themselves heard over the cacophonous ambiance, then it’s elsewhere I’ll be going.
If enough people follow my example, then maybe — just maybe — we can reverse this bullshit trend whereby function doesn’t just follow form; it throws it to the floor and suffocates it, noisily.
And by the way: fuck “mid-century” and “minimalism”.
Ah, the travails of Millennials as they strive to achieve fame / fortune by becoming an Instagram “influencer”.
I got as far as “vegan condom” and couldn’t read any further because uncontrollable laughter. That’s because this came to mind:
We often imagine how things might have turned out if instead of X, we’d done Y or Z, and so on. Imagine how TV show Gilligan’s Island might have turned out with this cast:
Whoa. In fact, all the above auditioned for those parts in the show, but were rejected. And here’s Mary Ann in the alternate universe:
For the record, I’ve only ever watched a few episodes of Gilligan’s Island because boredom, and not since because brain bleed. With the above cast, I might have been tempted to watch more, and not just because of Raquel.
Here’s an exercise. Put your favorite modern actors (at any age) into those roles, and imagine how the show would have changed.
Here are my suggestions, by way of example, which I think would have made the show not only more grown-up, but more watchable (and funnier):
…but I can’t beat
Go on, it’s your turn (and it’s harder than you think).
In response to the scourge of “moped thieves” (louts who rob people, often violently, then speed off on little — stolen — 50cc scooters and motorbikes), London’s Metropolitan Police have instituted a policy of “chase and knock down” — in effect, chasing after said thieves, then ramming them with their cars if the criminals refuse to stop. To the surprise of nobody, this has been extraordinarily effective in getting arrests.
[pause to allow the cheering and applause to subside, on both sides of the Atlantic]
Of course, knocking some little scrote off a moving motorcycle can cause injury, and has. (Okay, you can knock off those catcalls and jeers now, my ears are hurting.)
And predictably, the Usual Suspects are wailing that this is Crool & Hartless, and Nobody Deserves This Rough Treatment, etc. etc. etc. You’ve heard all this nonsense before.
If you follow the above link however, do not miss the Comments section below the article. And in case you don’t have time to go over to the Mail‘s website, here are but a few of my favorites:
“Forgive me if I see violent criminals being injured as a bonus.”
“I’m just disappointed they’re not reversing back over them.”
“I don’t care if they suffer breaks to all the bones in their bodies. Quite frankly who cares?”
“Good job. Don’t stop.”
“Who cares about dead robbers? The more the merrier!” — and from one man who could well have been one of my Loyal Readers:
“Don’t chase them, very dangerous, use snipers!”
And here’s the reason for the anger and vitriol. Most of these larcenous little fuckers (and they’re almost all teenagers, by the way) have little problem in using violence to rob people, whether the weapons are hammers, clubs or machetes — imagine having your arm nearly sliced off just so that some little shit can take your iPhone — which is why the public, if the commenters at the Daily Mail are at all representative, are so angry about all this.
Furthermore, the use of mopeds means that these armed robbers can roam all over London — meaning that nowhere is “safe” anymore — thus this kind of crime can affect literally anyone in the street, and it is: from grannies to housewives to toffs and to other teenagers, all are potential victims.
No wonder people are cheering.
…and not any trends that I can enjoy, either. Here’s the first:
Trendy cafes ban ‘superfood’ [avocado] amid fears they are damaging the environment and boosting criminal cartels
Seriously? Feel free to read the whole thing, but it may make you ill when you see how the Trendy Elite justify total foolishness. (Then, on the other hand, these are the same people who read the Guardian and the NYFT, and blindly vote Labour / Democrat [i.e. socialist], so small wonder they’re vapid idiots.)
But if you thought that was stupid, try this piece of utter bullshit:
Chef Heston Blumenthal reveals newfound taste for GRAVEL after adding pebbles and rocks from his garden to soup
So, to sum up the meals of the future: avocados bad, gravel and pebbles good.
Got it. Fucking morons.