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Open Appeal

Elections

Several years ago, back when the term “disposable income” meant actual money instead of just a fond dream, I donated some money to a far-off congressman’s reelection campaign fund.

Mistake.

Now I’m still on the Republican National Committee’s sucker donor list, and not a day goes past when I don’t get some plea for money to help some or other hapless Republican congressman, and even to donate to billionaire Donald Trump’s 2020 reelection fund.  Here’s my appeal to the RNC:

For fuck’s sake, can you bastards quit begging for money?  Considering that I and probably millions of other Americans haven’t been able to work for nearly two months and have had zero income since then, it is the height of stupidity [ergo, the Stupid Party] to ask us to donate towards an election which isn’t due for over six months.
Frankly, when it’s hard to think how we’re going to be able to pay the rent or mortgage, car loans and utilities, health insurance and even groceries, what the fuck makes you think that we would be able to give you  money?  Even worse, we all know that after the election is over, the elected  politician is just going to pocket the unspent cash from the campaign fund, one way or the other, while we’ll still be mired in debt.

Kindly piss off and leave us alone, at least until we can get back to work.

Yours very sincerely,

Wise Words

QOTD

One of the many pleasures of reading Instapundit is Glenn Reynolds’s use of (mostly) single sentences as pithy commentary on whatever link he posts.  Here’s an example:

…and:

In the latter, he’s talking about the Chinkvirus pandemic models, but of course it’s equally applicable to the climate change versions, and just about all the other government- and academic models as well.

“Wise Words”, therefore, is going to become a regular feature on this back porch, gathered under the “Quote Of The Day” umbrella.

Exposure

Entertainment, Funny Stuff

I love reading Davis Thompson’s blog because he is an expert in les affaires de la Fisque, such as in this priceless piece:

After reading the news, it is time to attend to my indoor garden, to do the work of keeping my plants alive: the trimming and the watering and the fertilising. This work is meditation, a way of going on.

Yes, going on. Bravely, heroically, and despite the realisation that your preferred candidate lost an election, four years ago.

And then the defiant phrase,

My houseplant garden is a tiny national park that Donald Trump can never destroy.

By the way, today’s word is fixation.

Read the entire thing to get the full, intensive effect.

There is one small problem, though, with reading Thompson’s stuff, and that is that it exposes one to lunacy of all sorts:  Left-wing, feministical, academic and eco-freak, to name but some, and all with massive overlap between them.

Because I don’t read Slate or New Yorker, for example, I’m never exposed to such nonsense — but reading Thompson does do that, in the same way that playing with dogs, while wonderfully pleasurable, does expose one to their bad breath and fleas.

Nevertheless, go on and read such splendid pieces as the above, as well as Please Update Your Files And Lifestyles Accordingly (for extreme wokedom and snowflakery) and Land Of The Before Times (for extreme eco-hypocrisy).

Why should I be the only one exposed?

Pigs

Bad News, Disaster, Gummint, Law and Order

I never fell for that “counter-culture” trope of referring to all police as “pigs” because I thought it was unfair.  An old Dave Berg cartoon in MAD  Magazine encapsulated my opinion perfectly:

Protesting hippies:  “Off the Pigs!”  “Pigs Off Campus!”  etc. etc., all screaming at a tubby police officer standing in front of them.  Suddenly, a bunch of hard-hat construction workers dive into the group and start kicking the shit out of them.
Hippies:  “Help!  Police!”
Policeman (smiling):  “Ain’t nobody here but us pigs…”

However, it is an undeniable fact that under this lockdown insanity, many police forces have let their enforcement mandate get out of control (arresting lone paddleboarders, snooping into people’s shopping bags for evidence of “non-essential” purchases, and so on).  Then we have bullshit like this:

The New Jersey woman who helped organize and film a protest in the state capitol of Trenton against Governor Phil Murphy’s stay-at-home orders was charged by the state police with violating the emergency decrees.

…not to mention this little injustice:

Artur Pawlowski was feeding homeless people in downtown Calgary when over half a dozen police officers surrounded him and issued him a cool $1,200 fine.
Apparently this gathering was in contravention of new coronavirus lockdown laws, but there were more police officers attending this “crime” than there were alleged offenders.

…not to mention this excellent use of state resources:

A skate park in San Clemente, CA, was filled with 37 tons of sand by local authorities to block skaters from using it during the coronavirus outbreak.

I would go on and on, but as Insty would put it, I’d probably need a bigger blog.

What worries me most about all this is not just that the (mostly Democrat) state governors are going apeshit over this golden opportunity to oppress and control the people who voted them into power.  That’s what socialists do, all the time.

What depresses me is that so many police forces are jumping right in and enforcing — in many cases over-stringently — the stupid and ineffective regulations.  Even stories like this depress me rather than inspire me:

Wisconsin’s Racine County Sheriff Christopher Schmaling indicated in a statement on Friday he will not enforce the state’s stay-at-home order, which Gov. Tony Evers (D) extended through May 26.
…
While Wisconsin law gives both the governor and Wisconsin DHS “the authority to develop emergency measures and enforce rules and order to protect the public during a health crisis,” Schmaling emphasized that state law “does not have the power to supersede or suspend the Constitutional rights of American citizens.”

Good for him, say I;  what saddens me is that every  sheriff should be saying and doing this kind of thing, but most aren’t.

So to all my law enforcement friends out there:  take your foot off the gas pedal, because at some point you’re going to start encountering increasing backlash from the people you’re supposed to be protecting — and nobody  wants that to happen.

Nobody, that is, except the socialist politicians who will respond, as statist authoritarians always do, by increasing  the level of oppression (e.g. by trying to pass more gun-control laws and imposing curfews) instead of ameliorating it.

Don’t make us start thinking of calling you “pigs”.

Monday Funnies

Funny Stuff

The only good thing about this self-isolation/lockdown bullshit is that the days seem to blur together, and Monday is little different from any other day.  Nevertheless, we are more dependent on home deliveries, which can trip us up occasionally:

And I think I can say without fear of contradiction that we’ve all been if not there, then in the same zip code.  So on with Teh Funny:

And to add to the delights of the day, some Random Totty:

And to make us all feel better:

And may your next “essential” trip to the supermarket contain at least one of these:

Weekend Food Prep

Food & Drink

From exasperated Reader Lowkey:

Kim,
With much respect… DAMN YOU AND ALL SEFFRICANS for biltong. This stuff is just too tasty and easy to make.
I half-assed a batch (slice roasts into 1 inch-ish strips, soak in cider vinegar for a few hours, dredge in salt/pepper/coriander, then hang for a few days with an old computer fan running to circulate the air) and it’s fecking delicious. I’m gaining weight on what is supposedly a “survival food”.
Damn you.
Please, share with us your recipes for this (and your preferences for it… I seem to like my biltong a touch “wet”).

Actually, Lowkey’s “half-assed” approach isn’t at all bad.  Biltong bought online or at specialist food shops can cost up to $20/lb, or even more.

Make it yourself and it’s the per-pound cost of the meat from the supermarket (usually around $5 to $7).  It’s the gastronomic equivalent of handloaded vs. commercial ammo.

It’s been a while (years, actually) since I made biltong, but here’s the scoop on its preparation.

What you’ll need:

  • 1lb of boneless beef, whole (not sliced).  I like my biltong quite fatty because of the flavor and moistness of the fat layered over the dried beef;  your preferences may vary.  Just FYI:  filet, while tender, doesn’t make decent biltong because of the lack of fat.  Top sirloin or bottom round make the best biltong, I think.  Feel free to experiment to find your  favorite.
  • 8 tbsp red wine vinegar (brown apple cider vinegar can be used too).
  • 1.5-2 tbsp coarse (kosher) salt (some people like their meat salty, others less so.  I prefer less, so I use at most two tablespoons).
  • 2 tsp coarse ground black pepper (ditto as for salt;  too peppery makes it something other than biltong, but be my guest if you’re of that persuasion.  If you must  have it spicy-hot — South Africans refer to it as “peri-peri” biltong — then add ground red pepper flakes, but in moderation.  I don’t recommend it).
  • 2-3 tbsp whole coriander seeds (this  is what sets biltong apart;  I use 3).

Some people suggest adding brown sugar to the spice mix:  these are Satan’s minions, and should be roundly shunned if not actually flogged for their heresy.  Jerky  is a sweet meat snack for children, and we shall speak no further of it;  biltong  is a savory snack, and the food of the gods.

Spice mix prep:

  • Lightly toast the coriander seeds, then grind into a coarse powder (about the consistency of the black pepper);  if you have a few shell fragments left, that’s fine.
  • Combine all the dry spices until the mix has a uniform color and consistency.
  • Divide the mix in half.

Meat prep:

  • Slice the meat with (not against) the grain into broad flat strips about 1.5″ thick.  Try to have each piece include a piece of fat along the outside, although if the meat is well marbled, that’s fine too.
  • Pour the vinegar into a glass baking dish, then lay the strips down side by side, turning the meat strips over and over to get the vinegar well set into the meat.
  • Sprinkle half the spice mix over the strips and rub it in vigorously, then turn the strips over and add the remaining mix, rubbing as before.
  • Make sure that the pieces do not touch when you’re done.
  • Cover the dish (foil or plastic) and place in the refrigerator for 24 hours.  Most of the vinegar and spices should have soaked into the meat by then.

Drying the meat:

  • You’ll need an enclosed drying area such as a seldom-used household closet or even a mover’s garment box with some breathing holes punched in the top.  Biltong does not need warm air to dry — in fact, many of the biltong cognoscenti  will specify cooler temperatures — so an ordinary household climate will do fine.
  • What’s important is to circulate the air gently (Reader Lowkey’s use of an old computer fan is spot on), so run a small household fan into the closet/box and set it to its gentlest strength.  Do not direct the air flow at the meat or it will dry unevenly.
  • Hang the meat strips, making sure that they do not touch each other.  Use plastic-  or stainless-steel hooks — iron or wire will add a metallic taste to the whole piece of meat over time.  I use thick nickel-plated shower hooks, myself.
  • Put a tray lined with newspaper (the New York Times  is best — it’s about all it’s good for) underneath to catch any drippings.
  • Leave to dry for about two to three days, depending on the size of the slices*, then test the biltong by squeezing it gently.  It should be outwardly firm, but “give” a little as you press harder.  If it still feels “raw” (it won’t), then leave it for another six hours.  Feel free to cut a sample piece to check on the hardness.
    *Check the meat for mold each day.  There shouldn’t be any mold (tiny white spots) on the meat during the drying process, but if there are, wipe them off thoroughly with vinegar and just re-hang the meat.

Some people like their biltong to have the consistency of driftwood — I happen to prefer ostrich or game biltong that way — but the ideal beef biltong should be to have a firm outer crust, with softer meat in the center.  The longer you leave it hanging, the harder it will get.  Four days is about the maximum for “standard” biltong.  The dried strips should look something like this:

Cutting the biltong:

  • Biltong is hard meat to cut.  Make sure your knife blade is thin and extremely  sharp — my grandfather used to use a box-cutter*, and replace the blade for each batch.
  • Cut the strips across the grain (unless you want to spend an hour chewing each piece) as thinly as you can, to ~1/16″ to 1/8″ thickness.
  • If the biltong pieces are too fatty for your taste, just wrap them all in a paper towel and pat dry.

New Wife and I prefer our biltong “wet” (moist and fatty):

…while others may prefer it a little more dry:

It’s all good.

My suggestion is to cut all the strips into pieces, then store in a greased paper (not plastic) bag in the fridge.  It should keep about two to three weeks without any mold growing on it (not that it matters, because I guarantee you’ll eat it all inside a week anyway).  When New Wife brought a few pounds of it Over Here for her final Atlantic crossing, we made it last a full month (exercising massive  self-control), and the last mouthful was as delicious as the first.

As a survival food, it’s difficult to beat biltong.  Three or four small pieces constitute all your protein needs for a day.  When I was in the army, I used to buy a single stick of (very hard) game biltong from the commissary just before going off-base (so to speak), and I would consume it over a week.  I never went hungry, as long as I had a couple mouthfuls of biltong and a “dog biscuit” (hardtack) each day.

As snack food?  Oy.  I would remind everyone of Reader Lowkey’s complaint above.

*By “box cutter”, of course, I mean the old-fashioned and robust replaceable-blade kind:

…and not the “snap-off blade” type, use of which will just lead to frustration:

Legal notice:  I accept absolutely no responsibility for any ensuing addictions.