Wasted Money

I note this development with something approaching gloom:

Amber Heard has finally paid Johnny Depp the $1million settlement she owed him after their bitter legal battle – as the Pirates of the Caribbean star vows to split it five ways among his favorite charities.

Depp and his ex-wife eventually settled their defamation claims against each other in December after five years of furious legal battles.

I know, ’tis a noble thing to do, giving away that demented tart’s money to worthy causes etc. etc.  And I know that Depp has enough money so that he can afford to give a million spondulicks away.

But I also wish he’d spent just a little of that money on something completely frivolous — say, a flashy Ferrari with a custom plate reading “BYTE MEBTCH” — because there’s nothing like creating a constant reminder to all the other gold-digging whores (thank you, Bill Burr) who want to enrich themselves at their wealthy paramours’ expense.

Actually, it would be a public service.

Bullet Dodged

I have no interest, of course, in ever watching the Barbie movie, despite the casting of the comely Margot Robbie in the title role.

Nevertheless, I still got a queasy feeling in my stomach when I stumbled across this horrifying scenario:

Amy Schumer was originally to play the title role of Barbie in the live-action Barbie movie but left the project in 2017, citing scheduling conflicts.

Yeah, nothing says “Barbie”

…like this foul yenta:

You may all be excused for a bathroom / vomit break at this point, and please accept my apologies for the latter pic — but it had to be done.

Humble Gratitude

I just wanted to thank all those who have contributed to my “Keep Kim From Poverty” fund:  the results from Week 1 have been wonderful, not to mention in some cases astonishing (and you know who you are).

I know this is a PITA, and believe me, I hate asking for help.  But this blog is no longer the site it once was — back in those days, I actually had more discrete readers per day than the Daily Mail — and it pains me that the once-proud “BANG” [Buy (Kim) a New Gun] fund has been reduced to a HKKHLO [Help Kim Keep His Lights On] fund.

But there it is, and here we are.  Please consider supporting this tired old back porch, if you haven’t already.